Reviewed by Becca

TITLE: Bernard’s Diary

AUTHOR: S.L. Danielson

PUBLISHER: self-published

LENGTH: 158 Pages

RELEASE DATE: June 28, 2019

BLURB:

Bernard Covington, suicidal and not the most-handsome man in the world would be happy to leave the world behind altogether. That is until he meets Dr. Jack Larson. The physician takes his wounded heart and soul and patches them back together, but is he Mr. Perfect?

Bernard and Jack develop a romance, but soon the tide begins to shift as Jack’s past is revealed and it becomes a game-changer for the couple to deal with.

Will Bernard and Jack have a happy ending or will he succumb to his desire to end it all or will dealing with Jack’s phantoms keep him going? Only Bernard’s diary knows what secrets lurk in his soul..

REVIEW:

Major triggers in this one. It deals with suicide attempts and alcoholism. Depression, grief, death. It’s a darker story, but one so many deal with each day.

Bernard has had enough. He’s a 46 year old bellhop virgin, who’s a bit overweight and just got rejected again and badly. He lost his dreams because of his mom, and it just keeps adding up. He’s hoping this fourth time, he finally won’t wake up and life will be over. He’s had all the therapists and meds and blah blah and he’s just done. But his doctor, Jack, took an interest in him and as Bern got out of the hospital, they struck up a friendship. Eventually more. Bern finally found a therapist that is actually helping. Jack is loving him and he feels great. Until one night everything changed. A denial for promotion for Bern, seeing Jack speak of his lover and still love him, everything is starting to pile up. Bern is tired of being compared and Jack is now drinking again. They may not come back from this.

I feel for Bernard so much. Battling weight my whole life and feeling alone and rejected. It hurts. And when you dreams are lost because of someone else, it makes it worse. He’s talked to people, taken meds, done all the right things. But he’s still depressed, still overweight and still alone. Sometimes enough is enough. What makes it worse is all the well meaning people who are like you should be happy to be alive or it will be ok and blah blah. It’s not ok. 

What I had originally loved about Jack is that he was so patient with Bern. He was there, let Bern take the lead when needed. It seems great. Bern was doing well with therapy, and Jack loved him. But being constantly compared to a dead man makes it all suck. Then Jack back to drinking for a mistake.

It’s a tough book. It’s dark and shows how shitty sometimes like can be. It’s not all sunshine and roses. You just have to keep fighting, keep hoping, someday maybe something will change.

RATING: 

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