Anyone in the MM Romance community with a pulse has seen, heard, read, or written about the GFY kerfuffle. Many have weighed in on either side – I’m not going to do that, at least not directly – and, well it hasn’t been fun. Not for those who read things that hurt them, not for those who got slammed by one side or the other, and not for those watching our family bicker and fight.
Now those who know me know, I have opinions. Lots of them. Strong ones too. And I have feelings on this as well, but I didn’t want to weigh in. So I watched and read. There were times I thought I’d join in, but I stayed my hand. Then something outside the debate reminded of some famous quotes. Alexander Hamilton in 1789 said, “Those who stand for nothing fall for anything;” and Winston Churchill said, “You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”
I think both of those quotes are powerful things we should take to heart in our daily lives. But they conflict with an equally powerful, more current idea that applies to Internet ‘debates.’ People don’t join on-line “debates” looking for answers. They come to state their point of view.
When I was a younger Q, I often leapt into the debate, secure in the knowledge that I was a lawyer (and a good one I thought too) and could persuade juries beyond a reasonable doubt. I would join in, explaining with great care why one side (my side of course) was correct and the other side was utterly and completely wrong. So convinced was I in the strength of the truth (again, my truth) that after I hit send, I sat back and waited for the complimentary posts to arrive telling me how wise and smart I was. That if only someone had told them these obvious truths before they’d have never taken the ‘wrong’ side of the debate.
I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how that turned out. The simple truth is, if people want to learn something, they don’t write long posts on the subject, they go read things, they research, they engage in discussions with others about the topic. When they post their opinions, generally those posts aren’t invitations for an opposing point of view. Especially if they haven’t invited people chime in with a counter point post.
Lately things seem to have become so black and white. People feel either you agree with them or you’re wrong. Reasonable discourse seems to have gone the way of the landline telephone. Some of that I think comes from the anonymity of the Internet. How many of you know my real name? Know where to find me? (I’d ask if you knew what I looked like, but I post my picture all over the place.) The point is, it’s much easier for me to be jerk on line, under a ‘screen name’ than it is to do it face-to-face. For some, that has emboldened a nastiness that makes discussion impossible.
Look, I get it. I’ve read the papers and seen some of the utter sewage coming from politicians in the U.S. these days. Utter trash. Mike and I will rail about their stupidity. (That’s a mild word to be honest.) Relate their intelligence to that of rocks. But it never gets aired beyond our home. Polite society requires a degree of civility in our discourse. The Internet seems to have weakened that barrier and the result is an increase in nastiness.
Now, lest folks get the wrong idea, not everyone who engaged in the GFY debate was nasty. Quite the contrary, most were civil and conducted themselves with decorum. But it only takes a few flame-throwers to ratchet up the heat. There is no doubt if someone flamed me for stating my opinions, I’d toss a fireball back. Not everyone will do that, but my first thought would be to just that. And it would be totally unproductive.
This is why new authors are told time and again, don’t engage a negative review. First of all it is the reviewer’s opinion. You might not agree with it, but that doesn’t make it invalid. More importantly, you won’t change their mind. They didn’t write it hoping to invite a dialogue. They wrote it to tell others what they thought. It most definitely wasn’t written to give you (or anyone else) a forum to ‘educate’ them.
Which is why I won’t link to discussions, tell you which ones I think were good, and which ones were bad or nasty. All I can say is social media didn’t create a ‘new’ set of rules. When I was growing up, I was taught that in social settings I should be polite. That I could disagree with others, but I shouldn’t be nasty. I really don’t see why the rules should be any different just because the setting is an online forum.
And with that, I’ll wish everyone a happy spring. (Or fall if you’re down under.) Have a great week.
Kings of Lore and Legend, Book III is my Champion of the Gods fantasy series, was released March 15th 2016.
You can get Book I, The Last Grand Master for free. Yep, that’s right, DSP Publications is giving away Book I free.
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Andrew Q. Gordon wrote his first story back when yellow legal pads, ball point pens were common and a Smith Corona correctable typewriter was considered high tech. Adapting with technology, he now takes his MacBook somewhere quiet when he wants to write.
He currently lives in the Washington, D.C. area with his partner of twenty-one years, their young daughter and dog. In addition to dodging some very self-important D.C. ‘insiders’, Andrew uses his commute to catch up on his reading. When not working or writing, he enjoys soccer, high fantasy, baseball and seeing how much coffee he can drink in a day.
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The Last Grand Master: (Champion of the Gods – Book 1)
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Kings of Lore and Legend: (Champion of the Gods – Book 3)
Self published:
Well said. My thoughts exactly. 😉
Great insight, Andrew.
Great post.