Reviewed by Becca

TITLE: To Be Alive

SERIES: What He Needs #1

AUTHOR: B. Rourke

PUBLISHER: Ninestar Press

LENGTH: 285 pages

RELEASE DATE: August 3, 2020

BLURB:

At twenty-two years old, Rhett Hawkins lives a life full of secrets and lies. Nobody knows the truth about his childhood growing up in an abusive home, the eating disorder that threatens to take his life, the obsessive thoughts about death that play like a movie in the back of his mind, and the sexuality he hides.

Nobody until he meets Colt, that is.

Police Constable Colt Williams is the only person ever took the time to look past the lies and see Rhett for who he really is: a damaged, beautiful young man desperate for love and acceptance. When Colt steps in and tries to get him help, Rhett makes a choice that takes him further away from life than he’s ever been before.

With his world turned upside down and his secrets laid bare for all to see, Rhett realizes it’s only by facing death that he can learn what it truly means to be alive.

REVIEW:

I have to warn you before going in, although this is a story of hope and new beginnings, it’s also a story of deep lows. And the lows are bad. There are triggers in this book. An MC is abused by his mother, physically, emotionally and by neglect. Held prisoner and many other things. It leads to him having anorexia and severe anxiety. I don’t want to give anything away, but I know there are people out there with severe triggers and I want you to be forewarned.

Rhett’s life was a living horror tale. Seems almost ironic, seeing as horrors are his favorite thing to watch. He’s been trying to hold it together for years, but it’s getting to the point where it’s getting too much to hold on to. Like the fact that he really is gay. But after all the abuse slung at him from his mother, it’s the last thing he wants to be. But a Constable in a gay bar sees something in Rhett from the moment he laid eyes on him. Colt knows there’s something going on under the surface with Rhett. It becomes more abundantly clear the first time the have sex. Even though Rhett is beautiful to Colt, Colt is still worried. And it doesn’t hit home how bad things have gotten until an argument ensues and Rhett is running away. Even worse when the past comes to confront Rhett, and sends him into the worst tailspin ever. One that he may not come back from. With being confined to the hospital now, can Rhett finally purge everything that is hurting him and learn with help to be healthy again, or will this be the end?

I’ve never dealt with anorexia. I actually have the opposite problem. Because I was literally starved at times, I went the other extreme and not having food scares me. It’s a trigger. So I understood where Rhett was coming from in this book. And it’s a hard one. It makes you look at your life in ways you don’t want to. Makes you face things you’ve been putting out of your mind for fear of looking too deep. And my heart aches for Rhett in this story. Because I totally understand. And even with this being a fictional book, it’s something that happens every day. The hope in this book though, came in the stunning form of a Constable. Who saw through Rhett’s lies and everything from day one. He didn’t know the extent, but he knew there was more going on. And the more Rhett told him, the more angry Colt got. Because no one deserved to go through what Rhett did. But when confronted with the one thing Rhett didn’t want to discuss, that was it. But Colt still hoped someone would see what was happening with Rhett and get him help. But sometimes we don’t get our wishes, and people have to hit rock bottom before they can see what’s really going on.

I hated how Rhett had to hit that bottom. He didn’t deserve it. But I’m so glad he had people who stood by him and supported him. And they didn’t hold back on him either. They let him know how scared and hurt and angry they were that he couldn’t come to them. And Rhett needed that. He needed to see how much he really mattered to those around him. Instead of him feeling like he’s invisible. That’s the hope. There are people out there that really care. People who really want you to be ok and to see how much you matter. How much a difference life would be without you in it. If you know people that are going through a struggle, remind them. Send a text. Write a note. Something. Let them know you care and are available for them. You may be the only lifeline they have.

RATING:

BUY LINKS: 

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