Reviewed by Elizabetta
TITLE: Tall, Dark, and Wriggly
AUTHOR: DK Jernigan, Angelia sparrow, Gryvon, Peter Hansen
PUBLISHER: Storm Moon Press
LENGTH: 115 pages
BLURB:
What is it about tentacles that capture the imagination like nothing else? From The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife to the eldritch horrors of Lovecraft, what horrifies us often arouses us, too. Whether it’s the taboo, the inherent wrongness, or something that can’t be defined, tentacles capture the imagination, and these stories wrap their slippery appendages around our minds and won’t let go.
Julian has the salt of the sea in his blood, but his father spurns him as weak and the others in the fishing village whisper that he is cursed. He’s willing to do anything to prove himself and to make his life on the water, including “A Bargain” with a strange man of the sea… a man who has tentacles instead of legs and untold wealth to tempt him.
Niall is a Netrunner also known as the Timberwolf, fierce and cunning in his information raids. But when he’s captured in the real world by tech giant Erik, also known as The Wheelman, Niall is “Chained to the Wheel” in real space and used for Erik’s pleasure in the Net. And when Erik comes to test him, it will be with the awe-inspiring lower body of an octopus and a mingling of pain and pleasure that Niall no longer wants to escape.
Aaron might be innocent to the ways of the larger universe, but when he escapes his luddite world to make his way on a space station, that innocence becomes a slight asset. His arranged employer, Ilyan, is charmed by his wide-eyed purity and his acceptance of others, no matter how strange. And as their bond grows, Aaron begins to find his “Home Among the Stars”.
Jonah is a human researcher on an alien world, making his way with the help of his lover, Othosh, but when the two fail to check in for a “Deadline” or two, they may have to answer to the Earth Corps forces who look at the two mated males and see only a tentacled monster and his kidnapped human hostage.
REVIEW:
I’m always up for a story about tentacled creatures, but mostly I’m hoping for something new and creative. Let’s see what this anthology has to offer…
A Bargain by DK Jernigan: 3 stars
Julian feels an affinity for the sea, and good thing, because he lives in a fishing village and his father is head of a fishing fleet. But Julian’s small size, soft ways, and lack of skills leaves him on the outside, spurned by his father.
Until one day, Julian meets up with a handsome sea-man, a creature half-man and half-tentacled, and they strike a deal: a kiss for some golden treasure. Maybe that will impress dad. But it’s never just a kiss… the stakes increase and Julian gets himself wrapped up in some serious tentacled calisthenics.
The writing is fine, and this has the feel of a traditional fairytale in its language and delivery. Except for the occasional use of some more modern-day slang like ‘pissed off’ and ‘death is a bitch’ which completely throw me out of the feel of it.
Seasoned tent porn readers will not find anything new here but this may be just the thing for newcomers to the sub genre, for those wanting something softer and sweeter. My rating only reflects that, while well-done, this didn’t make me want to leap up and sing tentacle sea chanteys; it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary.
Chained to the Wheel by Angelia Sparrow: 2 stars
I think the premise is clever. Niall and Erik are rivals in a virtual reality, the one pilfering online information from the other. In this dystopian, alt-uni, futuristic set up, it’s possible to hook into the ’net and live out virtual fantasies and drama.
Kind of like a Star Trek-ian holodeck.
And if you didn’t understand that intro, welcome to this short story.
It’s hard going at first. This is one of those immediate, full-immersion kind of reads, so thick with world building and tech-lingo that you don’t know what the fuck is going on for a while.
When I got the ‘ah-ha’ moment, I could appreciate this virtual life within a life. It’s kind of like reading romance, right? — immersing yourself in any fantasy you wish. So when Erik (wheelchair bound) wants to take revenge on Niall for his pilfering, he makes him a RL pet and a virtual fucktoy where anything goes. By magically hooking into the ’net, Erik can deliver on the sexual prowess he’s lost in the real world. Even tentacled action. For some strange reason.
Unfortunately, the characters– who spend their time with conniving and one-upmanship– and their world, leave me cold.
A Home Among the Stars by Gryvon: 2.5 stars
Aaron wants nothing more than to escape his repressive life on his home planet, Opus Dei. “… people like Aaron who weren’t cut out for the rigid, puritanical lifestyle of Opus Dei, or in his case, whose sexual preferences and impulses were against the law…”
So, with some help, Aaron stows away on an outward-bound spaceship to find a new life of freedom for himself.
Aaron finds himself on a planet where being human is the minority. He’s surrounded by strange and mysterious alien creatures. And he likes it. It’s a brave new world but one with its owns perils. When Aaron takes a clerking job in a trade shop owned by a strange, hulking tentacled creature, he gets embroiled in a very strange situation. He agrees to holds a mysterious package for an acquaintance. What’s in the package gets Aaron into all sorts of trouble.
Without giving too much away, the plot quickly jumps from Aaron falling into lust with his tentacled boss (didn’t see that coming, ha!) to a kind of Mpreg outcome for Aaron. I didn’t understand how all of this came to be; it really felt like something was missing from the story.
In general, the whole plot felt very sketched out and the ending very rushed: we go from religious subtext to space travel to alien world to a huge mystery that comes out of nowhere. I didn’t feel any connection between any of the characters though the sex between Aaron and tentacle-guy was hot enough. (it had freaking better be!). But that was pretty much what made this stand out. That, and the big WTF ending. I was really looking forward to this piece, I’ve enjoyed the author’s quirky approach in other work but this was too quirky, even for me.
Deadline by Peter Hansen: 3.5 stars
I liked that this was about a married couple, Jonah and Othosh, who have a committed interspecies commingling. It seems new, though, they are still learning about each other and their respective cultures: Jonah is human and Othosh is a tentacled alien. We pretty much learn about their world, such as it is, through their interaction. But, we really don’t know much about them… they are stationed alone, together in a remote, underwater science lab and have lots of time for discussion and sex. But we don’t know how they came together or why.
Jonah and Othosh have a playful, teasing kind of back and forth. There is sweet humor in the awkwardness of sex between two different physiologies. Well, that was different… Tentacles can be sexy but things don’t always go according to plan as we see with J and O.
The guys are having so much fun that they forget to check in with their off-world colleagues, causing some cultural tensions. It seems that not everyone is on board with the commingling. This adds a little to the plot. In the end, I liked these guys much more than the couples in the other three stories in the anthology; I could feel their connection more. For this reason I’d pick this as my favorite. Oh, and for the clumsy sex, too. But, Deadline still feels very much like the outline of a bigger story and one I wouldn’t mind reading more of.
With all of these short stories, the go-to was the kinky tentacle sex. Yo, duh, that’s what we’re here for, after all. But, there still has to be a compelling well put-together plot to give it context. All of the stories suffer from being too short, too undeveloped, too confusing, and ultimately, disappointing. Points are given for a nice try, but this tentporn collection is not nearly as strong as some others out there. If you’re so inclined, I’d recommend Bump in the Night for some real salacious, horrific tent fun.
RATING for the Anthology: 
BUY LINKS:
Wow this could be interesting, tentacles who knew.