Reviewed by Larissa

TITLE: Hold Me Under

SERIES:  Water, Air, Earth, Fire, Book 1

AUTHOR: Riley Nash

NARRATOR:  J.F. Harding, Stephen Dexter

PUBLISHER: Self-published

LENGTH: 9 hours and 34 minutes

RELEASE DATE: January 3, 2023

BLURB: 

Love is cheap. Love is cruel. Love can’t save us.

Victor Lang had everything—looks, money, fame. A chance to become the greatest swimmer in history. Until a failed dope test brought him crashing down.

According to the rumors, he turned into a recluse, a drug addict, a whore. Broken beyond repair. Incapable of love.

And for some reason, he’s set his sights on me.

A freak accident in his pool throws me into a world of wealth and status and people who are willing to do anything to get what they want. Before I know it, I’m being paid to fly to Italy and pose as his boyfriend. Trapped at his side, I learn what it means to truly hate someone.

Turns out, that’s exactly what he wants.

I can’t save him, and I can’t love him. But as things fall apart and I discover the truths he’s hiding, I learn that hate can be greater than love—an obsession, a prayer, dark days and darker nights, a need to be the only one who hurts him. Hate can heal the worst wounds love leaves behind.

But I have problems of my own, a broken spirit and loved ones to protect. And I’m scared to face the things he’s waking up inside of me.

A gritty, emotional, epic hate-to-love slow burn with an inexperienced top and his bratty bottom, hurt/comfort, obsession, and healing.

Contains dark themes, adult content, and potential triggers, though every effort was made to portray them thoughtfully and sensitively.

Specific triggers (potential spoilers): sexual abuse (off the page), suicidal ideation, drug abuse, disordered eating, trauma, death, mental illness, homophobic language

REVIEW: 

Hold Me Under is a stunning debut novel from Riley Nash. It has a highly original storyline that’s exceptionally well-written, featuring extremely complex characters who are vividly brought to life under Nash’s pen (or keyboard as the case may be). The deeply troubled, vicious, and seemingly implacable Victor Lang and the beleaguered, broken-spirited Ethan who is lashed to Victor’s side in a travesty of a fake relationship, have a fascinating yet often disturbing dynamic that’s tough to take and even tougher to look away from. Heed the trigger warnings;  this is not an easy ride but one very worth taking even if it hurts like hell along the way.

Victor’s unadulterated cruelty towards Ethan is the preeminent example of how Nash uses arresting descriptions and turns of phrase to elicit deep emotional responses from readers. Victor is depicted as a vile human being using a scalpel to cut Ethan precisely and deeply over and over again.  It’s challenging to stomach his conduct, yet Nash accomplishes the feat of making Victor sympathetic, although it takes a minute to get there. But I think that’s the point: Nash doesn’t create a story with us readily rallying behind our protagonists.  I struggled with the characters, especially Victor, and with the relationship between Victor and Ethan because that’s what Nash intends us to grapple with. I’ve rarely encountered such a visceral portrayal of pain and loathing. Brace yourself.

A pivotal plot point is revealed towards the end of the story that literally tilts the world off its axis.  Everything you thought you knew or understood suddenly requires viewing through a wholly different lens.  Nash’s ingenuity and deft handling of the competing aspects of this dark, raw story pay dividends in the intensity of the characters and the devastating impact of the denouement. Nash essentially creates a second story that we look at in retrospect, and it’s a notably different picture than the image that had been forming in our heads. 

Several books in Nash’s Water, Air, Earth, Fire series have now been released. PSA:  If you intend to read Hold Me Under, do not read any of those other series books first. The second book, Make Me Fall, in particular, will spoil what is arguably the most important part of Hold Me Under’s plot.  If you plan to skip Hold Me Under because raw, emotionally wrenching content isn’t your thing, you can start with Make Me Fall – just know that the shock in this book will be spoiled if you decide to go back to it later and you’ll be missing out on important context for Gray’s character (one of the MCs in Make Me Fall). The latter is not fatal to the experience of Make Me Fall, it just makes it more complete and impactful.

Nash employs a powerhouse duo of narrators for the audiobook of Hold Me Under. J.F. Harding’s whisky voice is one I could listen to endlessly. But here, he really gets to show off his versatility as a vocal performer.  Usually, he’s melting us into puddles through his engaging, sultry, sexy delivery. But here, he uses his voice to hammer home the emotional distress of this story and he nails it. Stephen Dexter is a narrator I have only listened to a handful of times, but his performance here is impressive as well.  It certainly isn’t quelled by Harding’s commanding performance which is a feat unto itself. Dexter’s acting background shows clearly as he throws himself into the performance and convincingly delivers the nuances of Ethan’s character.

Hold Me Under’s story isn’t perfect – some things defy logic, others require suspension of disbelief, and sometimes, it feels emotionally manipulative. That being said, Nash’s writing is so beautiful, haunting, and acutely emotional, it’s easy to overlook these issues in the greater scheme of a difficult, meaningful story, especially when told by two talented vocal actors.  So if dark, gritty, and emotionally wrought are your things, Hold Me Under is must-listen material. Nash’s stunning prose is made all the more impactful in the hands of Harding and Dexter. Highly recommended.

RATING:

BUY LINKS: 

Audible  

Amazon