I have now been on hold with an airline for an hour and forty-five minutes. This is a stream of consciousness post.

If teleportation really existed—maybe beaming up, a la Star Trek—how much would it cost? Would we trust companies to do it, considering this very Large German Airline can’t even make their hold music not sound awful? What if hackers got into the system and held dematerialized people ransom?  What would it feel like to be molecularly torn apart and then reassembled? Could they fix stuff while they were at it? Maybe shed some extra weight, for example?

I am old and remember when we used travel agents. We had less control over the process and we had to deal with paper tickets, but it was also less hassle. Although once I saw a woman in tears because she’d shown up at the Omaha airport and realized she’d left her paper ticket back home in Lincoln, an hour away. I don’t know if they ever got her on the flight. Maybe she’s still there, haunting the airport. If I were a ghost, there are places I’d rather haunt than the Omaha airport.

1:51:20

It must suck being a customer service person for this airline. People are already really mad when they get to talk to you, and it’s not your fault your employer is understaffed. I hope they’re paid decently. I hope they really exist and I won’t simply be on hold for the rest of my life.

Is it somebody’s job to choose hold music? It must be. The Large German Airline is playing the same minute or so of crappy instrumental music over and over and over and over and over.

There’s probably a story idea in here somewhere, but my brain is melting.

Sometimes @ing a company in a Tweet is the most efficient way of getting customer service. This is useful to know but stupid. It came in handy, however, when a Large German Rail Company once stranded me in Brussels.

2:05:41

I had to take a few minutes’ break to do some stuff. I carried my phone with me. I’m still on hold.

I have a ton of work to do today but it’s nearly impossible to concentrate on anything without knowing when (or if) my call will be picked up. I wish I had a secretary or PA to take care of things like this. I don’t often yearn for wealth, but that would certainly be one benefit. Heck, if I was rich enough I could just charter a flight or have my own private plane and not need to deal with the Large German Airline at all.

Incidentally, I don’t mean to disparage the Large German Airline specifically, although this is not the first time it has caused me grief. I’ve also been aggrieved by a Large British Airline, a Large French Airline, and several Large American Airlines. Sigh.

2:12:23

I’m going to calm myself by reminding myself how lucky I am to have the prospect of traveling at all. If I manage to get to my destination—Zagreb followed by Portugal—I’ll celebrate with some nice local wines and delicious food.

2:12:43

***

Kim Fielding is the bestselling author of numerous m/m romance novels, novellas, and short stories. Like Kim herself, her work is eclectic, spanning genres such as contemporary, fantasy, paranormal, and historical. Her stories are set in alternate worlds, in 15th century Bosnia, in modern-day Oregon. Her heroes are hipster architect werewolves, housekeepers, maimed giants, and conflicted graduate students. They’re usually flawed, they often encounter terrible obstacles, but they always find love.

After having migrated back and forth across the western two-thirds of the United States, Kim calls the boring part of California home. She lives there with her family and her day job as a university professor, but escapes as often as possible via car, train, plane, or boat. This may explain why her characters often seem to be in transit as well. She dreams of traveling and writing full-time.

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