Reviewed by Valerie 

 

TITLE:  If There’s a Way

SERIES:  Lost Boys #2

AUTHOR:  Jessie Walker

PUBLISHER:  Self-Published

LENGTH:  601 pages

RELEASE DATE:  May 13, 2022

BLURB:   

He was all I ever needed.

Desperate. Shattered. Lost.
I was a shell of who I once was.

Until him…

I was a fool to come back to Shiloh.
An even bigger fool to stay.

But when it comes to Waylon McAllister, I never stood a chance.

He’s damaged. Reckless. Toxic.
A walking, talking grenade to my heart.

But no matter how hard I try, I can’t shake him.
Especially not now, when I’ve finally had a taste of what could be.
I want to love him. Protect him. Make him mine…

If only he’d let me.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way, right?
He called us doomed.
I’m beginning to think he’s right.

Because monsters only lie in wait for so long.
And when our time finally runs out…
It might not just be my heart on the line this time.

 

REVIEW:   

Hell, I’ve loved you in some capacity, for what feels like my entire life. Before I even knew what love was, I’ve been loving you.” I choke out a watery laugh as I stroke his cool cheeks with my thumbs. “Do you really think I could stop, even if I tried? God, I’ve wanted you in my life since the second you first glared at me and gave me some bullshit about how boys can’t cry.”

This book is powerful and phenomenal!

211 days. That’s how long I’ve been impatiently waiting for If There’s a Way since finishing the extraordinary first half of the Lost Boys duet, Where There’s a Will. Was it worth the wait? OMG, yes, a thousand times over! The conclusion to Will and Way’s hurt/comfort love story is exceptional. It’s everything. These boys completely stole my heart (again); they endure so much pain, breaking my heart over and over again.

You could say Waylon’s having a Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day life. Addiction, grief over a friend’s presumed death, internalized homophobia, child abuse at the hands of his father, and the resulting PTSD. Any one of these things could break a person; Way survives it all. Barely. This book is all about healing. Jessie Walker is masterful in taking her boys on a journey of self acceptance, letting go of guilt, and casting off fear, all for love.

Book one concluded with Ivy informing Way that his sperm donor was being released from prison, and that’s about where this book picks up. Way has a brutal PTSD-induced breakdown and unfortunately, Will is caught in the crosshairs. The relationship they were starting to reestablish is smashed to smithereens when Way goes no-contact with Will for a month.

I love second chance romances, but this time, maybe love and desire aren’t enough. Will and Way seem to be each other’s trigger. Maybe they’re both too damaged.

We’re no good for each other, Waylon,” I say, voice cracking painfully over his name. “Not like this. I might not be better off without you,” I tell him stiltedly, “but being with you… how we’ve been going…” I let my head hang forward, squeezing my eyes shut. “When it’s good, it’s so fucking good. But when it’s bad…”

Will lives in terror that Way will end up like Zayne – a victim of suicide. He blames himself for Way going off the rails, just like he blames himself for Zayne’s death. He needs to shed his guilt and accept that Zayne’s suicide was not his fault.

Way keeps pushing Will away out of defensiveness. He’s worried Will’s going to give up on him because he’s not worth the hassle. He doesn’t believe he deserves anything good and he’s afraid he’s going to become like his father. Is being with Will just another reason for Way to hate himself because of his deep-seated internalized homophobia? Will tries to help – wants to give Way everything he can – but maybe his presence is making Way suffer more. Being together might pull both of them under.

Way needs to get back up, be willing to fight his demons, and move forward. He has to allow himself to be vulnerable and make his feelings more transparent to Will. He finds a little – yet powerful – method of letting Will know he’s fighting his way back every day.

The sex is beautiful and passionate, all the more so because of Way’s inexperience.“This isn’t an angry kiss. This isn’t a relieved kiss. There are no words for this kiss.”

Found family is an integral theme in this book duet and a number of those relationships are explored by Ms. Walker. The concept of healing is extended to many characters: Way and Mason have to come to terms with Izzy being gone; Jeremy’s feelings come more to the forefront; we learn more about Shawn’s painful past; and Way and Reggie need to repair their rift. The one solid relationship is that between Way and Ivy.

Dare I say there’s something sweet (gasp!) about this book? It’s the ending. My heart soared. Will and Way are deeply in love and looking toward the future. Their PTSD won’t go away and they’ll have to continue to work through it, but I’m confident they’re strong enough now to bring out the best in each other, not the worst. Ms. Walker concludes with “The end … for now.” I can’t wait! I hope it’s not another 211 days.

****************

If you appreciate music…

I would be remiss if I didn’t spend a few minutes talking about the role music plays in this series. We often associate world building with the visual imagery an author uses to create the setting, but it encompasses so much more. It can include any element that elicits a mood or emotion. Ms. Walker cleverly utilizes song references throughout the book to immerse her reader into the story and evoke anguish and desperation. To listen to her 45 song Spotify playlist is to relive the book over and over. This playlist (available at the front of the book) is an eclectic mix from 1958 to present, classic rock to country to indie to pop. I could sum up almost the entire narrative in lyrics or song titles alone:

“’Cause I’m sober enough to see you walking away” (Drunk Enough by Angels Falls); We Might be Dead By Tomorrow (Soko); “And now the fear of losing you is the ghost that haunts my dreams” (Here With You by Sick Puppies); and maybe most of all – When the Sun Rose Again (Alice in Chains)

And there’s queer pop artist Grayson Chance whose song Dancing With Me tells the story of a closeted man who is afraid to live his truth. If you want to keep Will and Way and The Lost Boys in your heart, give it a listen.

RATING: 

BUY LINK: 

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