This month I’m telling you a story about my glamorous life as an author. I recommend you not eat anything while you read this.

Two things you need to know. First, I live literally a block from the edge of town. An irrigation canal runs along the city limits, and on the other side are orchards, vineyards, cornfields, and dairy farms. In late summer the farmers are harvesting, disking, and fertilizing, and that means we get a lot of flies in the neighborhood. They come into our house every time we open a door, and while my husband and cat do their best to hunt them, a few flies inevitably survive for a while.

Second, I do most of my writing at the kitchen table, and the bulk of it late at night after husband and kid have gone to bed. Fewer interruptions that way, and I have day job stuff to do during the day. Plus night is when my muse gets in the groove.

Okay. So a few nights ago I was two chapters away from finishing the first draft of a story (book 7 in the Bureau series, if you’re a fan). It was almost 2am when I happened to glance at the kitchen garbage can, which was about four feet away. And… there were maggots on the floor at the base of the (lidded) can.

Gag. Ugh. Blegh.

Furthermore, a half dozen maggots were busily marching across the kitchen floor.

Aaaah.

I figured a fly, frustrated by the lid on the can, had laid eggs near the base. It’s happened before, unfortunately. So I spent a bunch of time killing maggots (gaaaaag), cleaning the floor, and wiping the outside of the can. Then I went back to my laptop.

Five minutes later I glanced at the garbage just in time to see more maggots falling out of the opening where the handle is (which doesn’t lead to the garbage itself, but rather an inner chamber). Apparently a fly had made her way into that chamber to lay her eggs, and now her babies were emerging into the world.

I did the most sensible thing one could possibly do when dealing with maggots at two in the morning. I dragged the can outside and left my husband a note to deal with it in the morning.

By the following night, the maggots were long gone (although the shuddery feeling remained every time I thought about them). I was back to writing. Only one chapter to go! But by almost 3 am, my eyes had grown too bleary to read the screen, and I was increasingly aware of my day job Zoom meeting in the morning. I shut down the laptop, and, as part of my usual pre-bed preparations, went into the laundry room to lock the door leading to the garage.

And I came within inches of sticking my bare foot into a black widow’s web, complete with very healthy-looking black widow.

Ahhhh!

I like spiders and have a moderate tolerance for them in the house (they catch the flies!). But not black widows, and especially not when they’re close to my skin. So what did I do? The sensible thing. I closed the door to the laundry room and left my husband a note to deal with the spider in the morning.

Last night I was up past 2:30, but I finished that story. And I’m happy to report that I had no unwelcome arthropod visitors. My cat did stomp across my keyboard several times and then headbutt me until I petted her, but that’s tolerable. She’s a lot cuter than maggots and black widows. I also heard a coyote yipping, but it was outside somewhere so that’s okay.

And that, my friends, is an example of my glamorous life as an author.

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Kim Fielding is the bestselling author of numerous m/m romance novels, novellas, and short stories. Like Kim herself, her work is eclectic, spanning genres such as contemporary, fantasy, paranormal, and historical. Her stories are set in alternate worlds, in 15th century Bosnia, in modern-day Oregon. Her heroes are hipster architect werewolves, housekeepers, maimed giants, and conflicted graduate students. They’re usually flawed, they often encounter terrible obstacles, but they always find love.

After having migrated back and forth across the western two-thirds of the United States, Kim calls the boring part of California home. She lives there with her family and her day job as a university professor, but escapes as often as possible via car, train, plane, or boat. This may explain why her characters often seem to be in transit as well. She dreams of traveling and writing full-time.

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A complete list of Kim’s books: http://www.kfieldingwrites.com/kim-fieldings-books/