We are standing at a watershed moment in cultural history. Yet again a lone gunman has slaughtered innocent young people. Yet again, politicians rush to claim the narrative and deflect the protests. This time the survivors are making a stand and they are already making a difference. Guns kill people. People with guns kill people. This is a particularly American tragedy but it is one facet of a problem which goes much deeper than gun control.

Guns allow any one person to kill multiple victims. Bombs do the same. Whether it is the U.S. or Syria, those with the weapons ruthlessly murder those without. Here in the U.K. as in other countries, we have strict gun laws so the weapon of choice is the knife. Knives are used to murder single victims but still there is a killer and still there is loss of innocent life.

There is a common thread which links the various elements of the killing culture whether guns, bombs or knives are used, the perpetrators are almost always men. Often they are disenfranchised young men who have reached a mental place where they see death as their only solution whether it is the death of others or their own, often of course it is both. We should not ignore the fact that suicide is the second biggest killer of 15–29-year-olds in the world today. If it were women doing the killing I have no doubt that politicians would be putting money into research, creating policies and setting up programmes to solve the problem. While it is men doing the shooting and stabbing we will go on excusing them as terrorists or mentally ill and do nothing about it.

When it comes to any ‘big picture’ problem, governmental change is painfully slow. This is a global, cultural challenge which needs global cultural solutions. This is where we writers can do our bit. No, I am not saying that we should all get on our moral high horses to preach the right path. Nobody wants to read sermons, but what they will read are good stories and we need to use that to tell the right stories about the right characters.

Men who display toxic masculinity are already victims themselves. They have struggled to respond to a world in which they are bombarded with stories of how ‘real men’ should behave. Those stories present stereotypes which exist purely for informational efficiency and they are not a true picture. As such, they are crude templates for behaviour.

When we try to describe gender archetypes, we usually go for the worst-case, or best-case ideal men or women. At worst, men are aggressive, selfish and uncaring, while the worst women are seen as emotional, coddling and manipulative. Most cultures also have archetypes for both very effeminate men and very masculine women. These are the stories we hear and learn from. I believe that we perceive flaws and plot holes in these stories which lead to confusion and stress. Stress in our young men seams to drive some of them to self destruct either by killing themselves or others.

We as romance writers are uniquely placed to correct those stories and to edit the mixed messages. First we need to accept that sexual preference does not always correspond to the sex and gender spectrum. We’ve all heard the stories of the warrior races such as the Ancient Greeks or the Japanese who permitted and even encouraged homoeroticism and m/m love. In the modern world we have many examples of men and women who blur the lines of the archetypes. These are the stories we need to be telling. These should be the templates for our fictional characters.

We already have world leaders who openly preach feminism (Obama, Trudeau etc.) but for many men, feminism has a bad reputation in their stories. The perceived archetypes have led many men and boys to view the world through a binary lens. Women for example are seen as either sexy or bossy, either girlfriend material or mothers. Men of course are either masculine or gay. Because these are the only stories they know, boys don’t know how to understand or react to men or women who don’t fit the templates perfectly. These boys have been raised on bad stories. Specifically they’ve been raised with utterly outdated, confusing and irrelevant stories about sex and gender. We need to enrich these impoverished minds with human excellence far removed from the historical stereotypes.

Some men display traits which move them away from archetypal masculinity and are often said to be “in touch with their feminine sides”. I hate that phrase which suggests that the only alternative to masculinity is femininity. What we really need to be in touch with is our human side. Our boys and young men need to be exposed to role models who make it okay  for them to be both strong and caring, both self-sufficient and yet aware of the feelings of others. We live in a world where men with guns are worshipped. John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Indiana Jones and Han Solo are all men who are worshipped as sex objects and respected by their communities. The men and boys who use guns are not so widely admired. Their catastrophic sense of male entitlement leads them to take revenge on a world which they are are not the centre of.

As writers we have the power to create new archetypal characters. Men who are decisive but kind. Men who are strong but caring. Men who are feminists. There are real examples out there already. Strong men from all walks of life are coming out of the closet and our young men are looking up to them. Sportsmen in particular have the power to influence positively. Take one example from the current Winter Olympics. Skier Gus Kenworthy is as masculine and strong as they come but he is also gay and loves puppies! The gay part is of course almost irrelevant. Remember that sexuality is not the same as gender. Both the sexuality spectrum and the gender spectrum do have a common factor. Both are human traits.

We need to write gentle men. These men can still be animals in bed and yet still be gentle beings. They can also be gentle lovers in bed while still being capable of leading their troops to war. Killing oneself or others is currently a fault of society with its mixed messages and out of date stories. Healing is much harder than killing. Healing takes strength, patience, understanding and care. Surely healing is way more masculine than killing?

We need to write fine stories full of good men. If we cannot teach our sons to go through life as gentle, caring beings, then we have failed them. We have failed the future.