To Read or Not to Read, That is the Question
So… over the past few weeks there appears to have been some sort of drama going on within the M/M Romance genre. (What a surprise.) Did I hear about it? Sure I did. Did I get upset? Nope. I will tell you what I did… nothing. I passed right over it. I refused to get involved… until now.
Why now? I’ll tell you why: because I just saw something that really disturbed me. A reader, a chronic reader, a reader who will sometimes read two books a day, couldn’t. Yeah, couldn’t read the genre of their choice because of how this latest drama affected them.
As a writer, I write for me first. It took me a while to feel comfortable doing that and then saying it. I go with my gut about a story. Then it is up to the characters to figure it out. I just give them the reins and let them have at it. It might not always be politically correct, or they may say things that maybe offensive, but that is them. That is them. If a reader takes offense, I look at is as they take offense of the characters choice of words or the character themselves. I’m very quick to remind myself that this is FICTION after all.
Personally, I don’t care who is reading my books. I’m just happy that anyone would take the time, spend their hard earned money to do so. So, read on! Oh, and thank you dear reader.
When I first started writing, which isn’t all that long ago, I was gobsmacked to find out that women made up the majority of my readership. You literally could have knocked me over with a feather. I’m not sure why I was surprised. I just was. Did I care? Nope. I took it as a compliment. I mean, seriously, they were spending money to read my drivel (which is what I called it in the beginning. Now I just call it ramblings.).
Now as I have admitted in the past, I write from my own personal experiences or those of people I have known. No, I don’t mean that I write their stories, just situations that I know to be true. The whole gay for you thing? Yep, it has happened and it happened to me. There. I said it. And while I’m being honest about it; it scared the crap out of me. I don’t know of a gay man who hasn’t at least fantasized about it, if it hasn’t already happened to them. Hell, I used to fantasize about firemen. Oh, and yeah, I lived out that fantasy. Actually wrote a short story with that theme.
I am a self-admitted voyeur! Oh yeah, I watch, listen and take mental notes. I do it all the time. Do I write about it? Oh hell yeah I do. I got the idea for that short story, Hawk-n-Harley that way. Just a hot guy on a motorcycle. That was all it took. I was off and running and it still is a favorite story of mine.
Are we not all voyeurs to some extent? When we open a book, are we not observing someone else’s lives? Of course we are. That’s what makes it a joy to read. If it contains a steamy hot sex scene, then more the better I say. Trust me, an author wouldn’t write it if they didn’t want it to be read.
Oh, I can hear the wheels turning from here. Just stop it. I don’t care if the author is male, female, in between or a housecat. If you enjoy the story then carry on, keep on reading. Please, do not let some self-righteous little queen tell you it’s wrong. It’s not.
Dear reader, please do not let anyone take your joy away from you. There. I think it is that simple, or I hope it is.
Here’s the rub, or so I think. Just remember that we are all people first. I’m not defined only by my sexuality. It is small bit of who I am. Does that not go for all of us? Now I’m the first person to call a spade a spade, which has gotten me in trouble before, but I’d rather be honest and up front. I don’t like someone who wants to be my friend just because I’m gay. I don’t like that someone just wants to be my friend because I can cook either. See where this is going? It all boils down to respect the person, not just a piece of the person. Does that even make sense? It does to me, but then I’m rather nuts, so there ya have it.
As an older gay man, a man who has been open and out for most of his life, there are times I want to reach out and just shake some of the younger gay men’s teeth loose. Who are they to judge anyone? Here I am, having fought for years, decades even, for equality, inclusiveness and they turn around and hammer a wedge of divisiveness within a wonderful community. Grrr… makes my inner bear angry. Not a wise thing to piss of a bear. Just sayin’.
Let me try and wrap this up… be right back, I need more coffee…
Okay, I really didn’t need another cup of coffee. I’m already buzzing my butt off.
Now… as I was saying…
Do not let someone else dictate to you what you enjoy. Alright, there are some exceptions. If you enjoy pedophilia, then that’s not cool. Same goes for bestiality. Again, not cool. If you want to read a chick-with-dicks book, then go for it. If you want to read raunchy hard core BDSM, go for it. It’s FICTION people. It was written to be read. Open your inner voyeurism and have at it. Enjoy it. Relish in it. But please, do not let someone else tell you what is acceptable when reading a book. If it was written, it was meant to be read. If you don’t like it, then put it down and reach for another one. There are plenty to choose from!
Now off you go… get some chocolate, a good cup of coffee, or a beverage of your choice and open a good book.
This is Max Vos and I approve this message.
Are you still here? Why aren’t you reading?
Max Vos is a classically trained chef with over 30 years of food service experience. After retiring in 2011, Max found himself with time on his hands and was urged to turn his talents to writing. ‘Cooking English’, a short story, was his first published work, and since then Ravenous Romance have published five more of his short stories. His first novel, P.O.W. was released October, 2013 with MLR Press. His second novel, My Hero was a best seller and has just been recently been released in French.
You will find everything in a Max Vos story. From sweet and sexy, even raunchy, to powerful, raw and gritty–something for all tastes.
You can keep up with him by reading his weekly blog posts here: http://max-vos.blogspot.com/ and on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/max.vos.393 or visit his website, www.maxvos.com
Bravo and well said, Max.
My instant reaction to almost everything you’ve written is: Amen to that.
I have to disagree with one thing you said though:
“I don’t like someone who wants to be my friend just because I’m gay. I don’t like that someone just wants to be my friend because I can cook either. See where this is going? It all boils down to respect the person, not just a piece of the person. Does that even make sense? It does to me, but then I’m rather nuts, so there ya have it.”
No, not with the statement as such but with the words ‘I’m rather nuts’. You my dear man, are quite the opposite (at least in this case, can’t be a judge in any other aspect of you). What you said there is my whole philosophy regarding people and friendships. As far as I’m concerned it all boils down to one question: are you or are you not a nice person when dealing with others. If you are, I want to know you (better). If not, I’d rather not be around you. Anything else is decoration and while decoration can be beautiful, it is irrelevant in the grander scheme of things.
So there you have it; my two cents 🙂
Well said. I read because I love to fall into a story and be swept away. I write because I want to share the stories my characters give me. Words bring me joy and peace and the freedom to step outside of the world around me.
Perfect response as always. We are all human beings first. We have all been greatly attracted to another person who is our same sex. For me it has only been in a best friend, gosh I really like this person way. But is it really such a big step to have sexual feelings for them? The answer is–it depends. Yes, I’m hedging because each of us is so unique with our own set of needs and fantasies. I love to read and read almost all the time I’m not writing. And I want to read about other people’s experiences. Because they’re so unpredictable and wonderful and they take me away from a reality that can be harsh. I would never presume to tell someone else how they should feel or what is or isn’t “a thing.” Because who the heck am I to do that? So, GFY? Why not? If you want to write it, I will read it.
Well said! I hate to think that someone could shame me into not reading what I love, but I know I that I could easily be the person you wrote about. I’m like the reader you mentioned, I read at least one book a day. I don’t know what I would do without my books. It would break my heart. I’m sometimes sensitive enough that I too could be bullied, so I’m grateful… always, when I see someone like you standing up for the likes of me. Thank you
Well said!
Very very well said.
Perfection my friend! XXOO. I just don’t understand what all the fuss is. As a bisexual woman, married, and in a 34 year relationship with another woman, I thought we had been fighting for acceptance all of these years. Just love one another and respect each others rights to like/love what we want.
Well said, Max!! One of these days I hope to meet you and shake your hand 🙂
Excellent post my friend!
Wonderful post! I always appreciate your insight and thoughts.
The recent ‘stuff’ has made me tired. Your post lifted my spirits, Max. Thank you.
I’m just going to say thank you again and repost my comment from the FB thread because it’s my truth. It was an excellent post with many great food for thought!
I have to say thank you for this post Max I’m sorta writing a similar blog post myself but doubt I’ll be posting it.
I love reading I’ve read books actively, by own choice, since I was 10 and everything from Dostojevskij to Nora freaking Roberts.
I found LGBT books about 4 years ago through a friend and another fantastic book world opened up to me. It was fun and exciting and I only had good thoughts as I explored it.
I’ve never been embarressed by admitting to reading/writing in a certain genre in my entrie life but as of late though, after a lot of different discussions, blog posts and what not I feel almost guilty admitting that I’m straight woman who read and write LGBT books. I almost feel lkke I have to apologize for doing so. It’s becone as offendive as cursing in church.
So thank you for this. It was really nice to read!
Great article. I read what I love. I write the kind of books I like to read. I read MM books without sugar. I read your books.
Recent events have been that LGBT+ people of all colours of the rainbow have finally had enough of what they perceive as damaging tropes and erasive narratives within the community. I would expect someone claiming he’s fought for equality and inclusiveness to actually listen to them and, if he feels they are wrong, to engage in constructive discourse…not write them all off universally as ‘younger gay men’, ‘self-righteous little queens’ and further show his own true colours by the phrase ‘chicks-with-dicks.’
Sorry, but this article exposes many of you for your true priorities: fawning over hot books without a care for the real people that those narratives can hurt.
The narrative in relation to the trope was never intended to steal anyone’s joy, but to address how the trope could be hurtful through its unintentional contribution to Bierasure and transphobia. Readers can pretend like this issue is doesn’t exist, that is their prerogative. But don’t ask people who have been hurt by that trope to stay silent becaus our pain “shits on your happiness” and threatens your voyeirism. This blog is a gross over simplification of the issue, written to soothe an audience that’s basically built its “joy” while walking all over the backs of a marginalized group WITHIN an already marginalized group. You can have your trope, and you can enjoy it, too. Actually, nobody ever said you couldn’t. Some folks just asked for a closer examination of its potential to cause harm, and the reader’s role in unintentionally pushing that forward. Did the reviewer you have called out as “a silly little queen” use his indoor voice when he called attention to the trope? No, he did not. Because he as frustrated and hurt and overwhelmed. Mostly, when people react like that, I listen even more closely, bc they are that much more hurt. I find it doubtful that the author of this blog used his own indoor voice when he argued for his rights, as he discussed above, but he’s certainly using his passive aggressive one to call out supposedly younger members of this community for speaking up. So, enjoy ur trope, and I will continue to take this entire debacle as an object lesson in how to recognize and appreciate my actual allies.