In September of last year, I was sitting in the cubicle at my work, staring at my computer, listening to a woman yell at me on the phone about how I had better pay for the damages to her car for the accident she were involved in, even though she was the one that had caused the accident, breaking both the legs of a little girl who was a passenger in another car. The skin under my left eye was twitching and I was smiling through it, nodding my head even though the woman couldn’t see me, interjecting the appropriate right and uh-huh every time she paused to take a breath.
It was while she was shrieking that she was going to sue the royal shit out of me, that I had a thought that came out of nowhere and wouldn’t leave me alone.
The thought?
Why the fuck am I still doing this?
As of the date this blog was posted, I have worked for this same insurance company for ten years. I have a good salary. I have full health insurance. I get four weeks of vacation a year. I have a 401K, stock options, and a cubicle filled with my own knickknacks that I’ve accumulated over the past decade.
And on that day in September, I literally couldn’t take it anymore.
The first thought was Why the fuck am I still doing this?
Which led to the second thought: What if I didn’t have to do this anymore?
It was scary as hell to think that. The security. That cushion. For all intents and purposes, I am very good at what I do. I can negotiate the hell out of a settlement. I can go to court ordered mediations and argue with the very best of them. But I didn’t want to look back thirty years from now and think, Well, at least I was good at auto claims, because that’s super.
So I began to plan.
And scrimp and save every penny I could get my hands on.
I continued to write my ass off, which is why you’re getting five full length novels from me this year. I worked fifty hours a week. I would come home and then write for another 4-5 hours a night. I would be in bed at 11. I would wake up at five and start it all over again. Such is the life of a writer.
But I have beem very lucky with my books, something I still don’t quite understand. They sell well. I make good money off of them. People buy a crapload of my stories and I get paid to do it. I love writing more than anything else in the world. It’s kept me whole, it’s kept me sane, it’s frustrated me to no end. And I’m good at it, for the most part. I know dialogue. I know snappy snark. I know how to manipulate emotions in a story at a whim. I’m an asshole like that, but it works.
So I planned, and planned, and planned.
I told myself that on March 1st, I’d walk into the office, announce dramatically that I was resigning and nothing could change that, because I was going to make it after all.
So, naturally, I messed that up.
***
January 20th, 2016 at 9:30 A.M:
Meeting between supervisor and claims associate Tj Klune
Supervisor: I think we should probably just settle this, rather than taking it to trial.
Tj Klune: I agree. The costs associated with trying this are going to be sky high.
Supervisor: Okay, let’s set up a meeting with management and—
Tj Klune: Also, I’m quitting.
Supervisor: …….
Tj Klune: …….
Supervisor: …….
Tj Klune: My job. This job. I’m quitting this job.
Supervisor …….
Tj Klune: So. There’s that.
Supervisor: What?
Tj Klune: Yeah, that’s a thing that just happened. And I’m probably about to start getting a little shrieky, so I apologize in advance if I have a panic attack.
***
Okay, so maybe I jumped the gun a little. I don’t even know why I said it when I did. I wasn’t even thinking about it right at that moment. As best as I can figure, my brain suddenly had decided it’d had enough discussing bodily injury coverages and litigation of all fucking things and hijacked my mouth in order to spill the beans in such a way that I couldn’t take it back.
Needless to say, it’s been awkward in the office since that day.
As of February 26th, 2016 at 4:30 P.M., I will become a full time writer.
(Jobless person who doesn’t put on pants doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.)
And I am fucking terrified.
I also know I made the right decision for me. Because if I don’t take this chance now, if I don’t jump off that cliff, then I won’t ever do it. I will look back in thirty decades when people in suits shake my hand and congratulate me for my forty years of dedication to a company whose commercials literally drive me up the fucking walls. I would smile at them, and for the picture that would be taken, but I know I’d probably be a little (read: a lot) dead inside, and I can’t do that to myself. Not when I have such an opportunity as I do right now.
So.
I am going to do this. By the time you read this, I will be three days away from leaving behind a salary and benefits and stock options.
But I think I’ll be happier.
Scratch that. I know I’ll be happier.
Maybe I’ll crash and burn. Maybe in six months, I’ll be begging for my old job back as I live out of a Motel Six and eat packets of ketchup I stole from McDonald’s for dinner. But at least I’ll know that I took a chance.
And I’d like to think it’ll be worth it.
(And really, can you imagine how much output I could have if I got to do this all day long? Holy fucking balls, you guys are going to get sick of seeing my name.)
(Please don’t get sick of seeing my name. Because that would suck seeing as how I need you to continue to buy my books.)
We’ll see how long it takes for the novelty to wear off. I’m sure by next month’s post here on Love Bytes, the blog will be about how bored I am and what the fuck was I thinking.
Tj
PS: Here’s a few things I plan on doing with my days as a full-time writer:
–grow a beard (shut up, it is going to look awesome, you don’t even know)
–adopt a dog (his name is going to be Breadbox and I will love him)
–blog once a week (because for some reason, people like my ramblings)
–write 5-10K words a day (I can totally do this)
–breathe for the first time in a long time (and my god, it’s going to feel so good)
PPS: Um, I also have a new book coming out on Monday? Maybe you’ve heard of it? It’s call The Queen & the Homo Jock King? It’s a sequel? To another book I wrote? It’s about drag queens. And feelings. And getting rimmed behind the alley of a Mexican restaurant (I’m not even joking). You should buy it. Look! I’ll even put the pre-order links right here for you! Gosh, I’m helpful.
***
When TJ Klune was eight, he picked up a pen and paper and began to write his first story (which turned out to be his own sweeping epic version of the video game Super Metroid—he didn’t think the game ended very well and wanted to offer his own take on it. He never heard back from the video game company, much to his chagrin). Now, over two decades later, the cast of characters in his head have only gotten louder, wondering why he has to go to work as a claims examiner for an insurance company during the day when he could just stay home and write.
Since being published, TJ has won the Lambda Literary Award for Best Gay Romance, fought off three lions that threatened to attack him and his village, and was chosen by Amazon as having written one of the best GLBT books of 2011.
And one of those things isn’t true.
(It’s the lion thing. The lion thing isn’t true.)
Blog: http://tjklunebooks.blogspot.com
Congrats TJ!!!! I did the same thing last year – I think mine was January eightish or something – and I still have many pants-less days, sprinkled with bouts of ‘holy shit, what was I thinking?’ and ‘thank God I’m not at that hellhole anymore’ moments. It’s a roller coaster ride, but dammit, It’s YOUR roller coaster ride.
You’re going to be amazing at it 🙂
You are one of my favorite authors. I can’t tell you what a difference you have made in my life. I personally am so glad to know that you’re coming out with so many new books. I hit the amazon pre order button immediately when I see your name even without reading the synopsis. Good luck in your new un-cubicle life! Are you planning on any updated books to BOATK?
Good for you TJ?????????? Follow your passion and you will always be successful.
You will be AMAZING and Pantless!
That’s awesome. I’m a jobless too. Not because I sell millions of books, but because I’m done with the rat race. If all you want to do is write, that’s what you should do. Good luck and you can do it!
Wishing you much happiness and success! We will need pix of Breadbox. 😉
I will be buying your books, for as long as you write them!
Awesome! Congrats for daring to take the step 🙂 Love your books so far and looking forward to continue following you. Will be intressting to see if this change in your life will change something in your wrinting style!
Have a wonderful day and I want proof of the beard!!!
Hugs
TJ you are so right to do this now while you’re young enough because you do because if you don’t you will have regrets later On you’re an amazing writer I have not read anything of yours that I have not absolutely liked loved cried and screamed pulled out my hair etc. etc. and room to have my family look at me like I’m nuts but that’s OK because I was happywith your books so just keep doing what you’re doing will keep writing and you’ll see how great it’s going to be.
Congratulations! Good luck with the writing. I know the books will do just fine. The real question is, do you have a plan for when you start to plan and think things are about to go totally south? You need to have a plan for that. Oh and keep pants by the door. You never know who will ring your bell, try to sell you Girl Scout Cookies, or come begging for your vote. When the religious types ring the bell it is perfectly acceptable to answer the door totally naked and holding a cocktail.
Have fun. I’ll be waiting for all the new books, especially when they come out on audio. Commuting is so much more fun with an audio book.
Yay, TJ as a full time writer=more stories from him. I am looking forward to seeing your well cultivated beard.
Already pre-ordered but through Barnes & Nobles — which you somehow left off. Way to go Tj!!
TJ writes books = me buying, reading, and LOVING books = $$ so TJ can quit job and write more books FT = more books to buy, read, and LOVE = WIN WIN WIN!!! 🙂
I’m crying with happiness for you. You write it and we will read it <3
Good luck! You’re brilliant and brave. I’d buy a copy of the dictionary if you wrote it. You make me feel good when I ready our work. Much love!
I am so happy for you. It will be awesome. And I am happy because now we will have more books. Yeyyy. I already preordered the book. As we are in this. Can I pre order The Lightning-Struck Heart 2 too? Good Luck
Rimming behind a Mexican food restaurant. Who does that??? And why do I want to read about it?
Glad you took the plunge to be a bearded, painless wonder. Don’t forget the goofy socks and sandals to complete the look.
And yeah, we need to see the beard. 🙂
Congrats! Changing your routine/starting something new is always a bit daunting but it’ll be a nice change =)
So, so, so, so excited for you! The best thing I’ve ever done was leaping into writing full-time and I’ve never been so scared. More so every single day.
You’re going to be amazing. Hell, you already are amazing! AND, I’m totes jealous because you have no reason be to scared. You got this! 🙂
I’m doing a happy dance for you!!! You are going to be a fabulous pant-less,non-rat racing doing what you want to do HAPPY full time writer! YAY, TJ! Just YAY!!!
Congratulations TJ….You are the best!!! You will be happier for sure !!!!! I love all of your books and I look forward to reading your new books … so write write and write everyday!!!! You deserve a lot of happiness and serenity ….. Good luck ? (Sorry for my english but i’m Italian and i don’t speack it very well)…
I effing love this post!!!! I’m SO excited for you xx
Congrats TJ for doing what a lot of us never had the guts to do. Go pantless and be happy. I’m off to pre-order The Queen and I’m going to pick up How to be Normal to show my support. Looking forward to many more books from you. Good luck and happiness! 🙂
I’m proud of you for making the change! And if being a full-time writer doesn’t work out for you in the end? Hey, no big deal—you would never have known what it was like if you hadn’t tried it, so you can be happy with your decision. (But—if you do decide to take on any sort of “regular” job later, even if it’s only part-time, maybe you’ll be able to find something in another field, as compared to the work that was driving you crazy.)
Hey, good luck! And yes, I’m very much looking forward to the next book; I’ve had it pre-ordered for weeks!
I am so impressed, jealous, and proud of you for making this move. You will do what’s best for you and I will continue to read all your books. Thanks for being awesome!
As an author/insurance underwriter, I am so fucking happy (read: jealous as hell) for you right now. Congrats on no pants, and we expect pix of the beard. And the dog.
I’m so proud of you! I promise to continue buying all of your books. Cheers to living your dream!!!
Good for YOU, TJ!!!
That May scare, sure, but it Is an opportunity to do what you love, full time. Don’t think you’ve lost that safety net, think of it as an adventure which translates into more stories and adventures to share with your readers. Your readers loves you, and loves your storys, and we will not let you down.
So enjoy it, man.
And pants are optional
Lot of kisses