Welcome back to Love Bytes! It’s great to see you here again! I don’t usually post about my personal life, but Timmy wrote another very special story about something he deals with every day and it happens to be a trait we have in common: the inability to speak. Timmy and I spend our days armed with pads and pens, and we write everything we have to say. All day. Every day. 24/7.
Speech and language processing are two separate and distinct functions and are divisions of neurology. These abilities are not only cognitive, but neurological and physiological. As such, the thinking mind, the brain, and the physical organs required to make sounds must work in concert one hundred percent of the time and in balance in order to process the simplest of speech and language functions. If any one of these three areas is the mildest bit disturbed, speech and language processing is disrupted.
Uniquely, when a child suffers extreme trauma, one of the first abilities to become a casualty is the ability to speak. I won’t belabor the thousands (literally) of theories as to why this occurs, but I can offer you some basics from experience. Abuse occurs in three primary forms. Understanding that there is a progression: psychological abuse is always present; physical abuse can be present and of which psychological abuse is a component; sexual abuse can also be present and of which both psychological and physical abuse are components. As such, psychological abuse is perennial and the earliest learned form of psychological abuse is humiliation.
Severe psychological trauma alters the psyche. It can alter it in one area to a severe degree, or it can alter it in a multitude of ways to lesser degrees, or a combination of both. The damage is no more predictable than a game of chance. If you then add attendant low self-esteem, potential brain damage and damage to laryngeal organs from physical abuse, diagnosing and treating speech and language processing problems is no easier than trying to nail jello to a tree. Is there hope? Yes. Years of effort have enabled me to form words at a slow pace – slower than writing them; and I have spontaneous speech. If I become angry, I can speak and do so clearly…for about thirty seconds. That’s it. It’s over and I cannot then engage in conversation, and it only serves to multiply my humiliation exponentially. So, I choose to remain silent.
For the person who cannot speak, the agony is indescribable. Anguish and frustration embed in every fiber of your being and can further impair the ability to speak. As a result, you become isolated in both practical and euphemistic senses, subject to abuse, ridicule, bullying, impatience, and the whims and erroneous assumptions of others. There are all sorts of AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication) devices, including Leap Motion devices, that are geared to help us speak manually; and AutoVerbal apps being birthed daily by software magicians to further assist us with the ability to communicate. They’re fun, cute, but only effective for basic communication, and are no less time consuming than writing words down as Timmy and I do now. Further, if our “listeners” don’t have the time and patience to read what we manually write, why would they have the time and patience to read an iPad or listen to a computer generated text to speech voice that enunciates at one tenth the speed at which people speak? I wave my hand in dismissal. I’ll take my pad and pen—my pen that will write to the death for me—over these fancy contraptions any day and communicate with you the old-fashioned way.
Shira Anthony has been awarded the Oscar for Ultimate Patience in Real Life Communication by me for not only enduring four days with me at the Dreamspinner Press Authors’ Conference, but for being my voice. A glutton for punishment, she didn’t only invite me to her boat for a wonderful vacation, but endured an additional four days with me on the high seas. There is nowhere to run when you’re sailing the ocean. She and her wonderful husband were truly stuck with me. They did not make me walk the gangplank or throw me overboard. They are saints. I also had a lovely “conversation” with Nessa Warin and Anne Regan over one of my books in April. Both were patient, read my scribbles, and carried on as if I were speaking to them. My heart soared!
Sadly, many people don’t have the time, patience, or compassion to “listen” to us and, more often than not, we remain isolated, prisoners in our own minds. We develop rhino skin over time, we learn to communicate the best we can, and we tolerate what we must in order to make our way in the world. We also take the time, patience, and compassion we wish others had for us and apply it to ourselves and become our own cheerleaders. While our inability to speak is a burden, we can and do function successfully in the world…if I do say so, myself.
Read Timmy’s story and take his two challenges! See you back here next month on Friday, October 17th!
“Silence, always my fortress, sometimes my prison.”~John Marsden
Available from: Harmony Ink Press
Όμορφη. Ómorphi. Greek. Meaning pretty
Pretty. adj. /pritē/ Pleasing by delicacy or grace
~*~
High school senior Michael Sattler leads a charmed life. He’s a star athlete, has great friends, and parents who love him just the way he is. What’s missing from his life is a boyfriend. That’s a problem because he’s out only to his parents and best friend. When Michael accidentally bumps into Christy Castle at school, his life changes in ways he never imagined. Christy is Michael’s dream guy: smart, pretty, and sexy. But nothing could have prepared Michael for what being Christy’s boyfriend would entail.
Christy needs to heal after years of abuse and knows he needs help to do it. After the death of his notorious father, he leaves his native Greece and settles in upstate New York. Alone, afraid, and left without a voice, Christy hides the myriad scars of his abuse. He desperately wants to be loved and when he meets Michael, he dares to hope that day has arrived. When one of Michael’s team-mates becomes an enemy and an abuser from Christy’s past seeks to return him to a life of slavery, only Michael and Christy’s combined strength and unwavering determination can save them from the violence that threatens to destroy their future together. Read an excerpt of Omorphi
Available from: Harmony Ink Press
Caleb had one mission in life.
To keep his boyfriend safe.
They met at ten, kissed at twelve, and were madly in love by eighteen. Caleb Deering is the captain of the swim team and the hottest senior in school. He comes from a loving home with a kind father and a caring, but strict, mother who is battling breast cancer. Nico Caro is small and beautiful, and has a father who rules with an iron fist—literally. One morning Caleb forgets himself, and he pecks Nico on the lips at school. A teacher sees them and tattles to the Headmaster. The accidental outing at school might be the least of their problems, because the ball set in motion by the school’s calls to their parents could get Nico killed. In the face of that very real danger, Caleb knows he has only one mission in life: to keep Nico safe. Read an excerpt of Safe.
Check out Cody’s Blog here. Like Cody on Facebook, find Cody on Goodreads, on Twitter @CodyKAuthor, on Pinterest, and read Cody’s free serial story, Fairy.
Cody, you are such an inspiration to me for so many reasons. More than you’ll ever know. ❤️
And you are to me, and to Timmy, Lili! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. It means a lot to us!
Thank you for this insight into both you & Timmy. Besides writing … art & music are languages that speak. I know you & Timmy use both with such finesse & preciseness. I prefer the written word … As you can ponder it .. savoir it .. reflect on exactly what was the intention … The basic reason for the words.I find I can live fine without conversation. In fact … After a long time of no communication … always worry if I can even carry on a conversation. I was silent as a kid … always just observing & have a tendency to revert back to silence. So I make myself be social. Today people are in too big of a rush to hear the silence … to wait for the thoughts to be translated to structure & voice. Just like they have no time for new speakers of English to process from their native language to the tricky rules/no rules of English & try to pronounce the words. Thoughts should never be rushed or ignored. They are the gifts of the person to you. Hopefully … One day … we can listen & wait for an answer. Thank you for the great post. Love to you & Timmy from Alaska
Thank you so much for the thoughtful comments, Ann! There is something called “Selective Mutism” engendered by extreme social shyness and/or anxiety. The term is a misnomer as the word “selective” implies that it occurs by choice; that the one who “should” speak is choosing not to. The inaccurate designation infuriates me no end. My heart goes out to you and I, for one, would welcome the opportunity to communicate with you in whatever way you were comfortable. Thank you again for the thoughtful comments, and for stopping by to comment. You are the best!
Thank you Cody for sharing this with us. Many of us take so much for granted, my self included, that we give little thought to the things we can do that others can not. The ability to speak comes so easy to us that we never give any thought to how hard it must be for those who ‘s words are locked within them unable to be heard and what one goes through because of this. Something for us all to think about.
Thank you for your kind remarks, Carol! The frustration begotten by the inability to speak is indescribable and the related assumptions often made by others are appalling. It will be interesting to see if anyone chooses to try Timmy’s challenges. The experiences will be eye-opening, to say the least, yet only a glimpse into what we deal with. Of greatest import are your words “locked within.” They couldn’t be more accurate. Bless you for your wisdom. Thanks for dropping by and commenting. It’s great to see you here!
Thanks for sharing, Cody. I have such admiration for you and Timmy, you don’t even know how much. <3
Thank you, Beth! And we have admiration for you beyond words. Anyone who takes the time and has the patience to read our words is worth his or her weight in gold. As Timmy pointed out, one person who shows us patience and kindness can make all the difference in the world for us. Thank you for dropping by and commenting!
This is an amazing post. I hope you realize how many people you help by doing all the things you do. Thank you!
Awww, thanks our Mel! All we do is share a part of ourselves with the world in hopes that it will enable others like us to succeed. There is hope and there is help out there. We just need that one person to believe in us. Like you! <3
Cody, one of the many things I adore about you is how you take the time to talk to me and to explain things I don’t know or fully understand. This is no exception. Thank you. My heart hurts at the thought that you feel humiliation for something that is out of your control.
Being a true friend means that one accepts you for who you are, limitations and all. I hope you are able to surround yourself with those types of friends and loved ones. You deserve that and so much more. You and Timmy both deserve that. I hope you and Timmy know that you are my heroes and that Iove you both.
Sandy, YOU are the best and we love you! Anything that Timmy and I can do to offer hope and courage to the world and to those of us with unique differences, we will try to do. Your friendship is enduring, and that means the world to both of us. <3
HUGS Cody! I’d sit and read and write with you! Love you <3
Backatcha, Camkenwrites! We would gladly sit and “chat” with you too! Thanks for stopping by and commenting! It means the world to us! <3
Cody, you and Timmy are true lights in this world. The courage you both show is amazing.
It completely boggles me that so many people don’t take the time to communicate with those who have speech issues. Really, what would it cost them to take a moment to read a few sentences or wait for someone who speaks a little slower to finish what they are saying? Nothing. Especially when what it does cost them not to is immeasurable in comparison. It could be something as simple, yet wonderful, as the gift of friendship or it could possibly save a life.
So very true, Aniko! One person’s patience and kindness is often that which saves a life and, in fact, did in both Timmy’s and my cases. ONE PERSON was all it took. Thank you for your wonderful and accurate words! You couldn’t be more right. Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
Fantastic post, Cody. You are a joy to ‘talk’ to. I’m thankful every day that I have had the privilege, and wish that everyone were as patient and understanding as they should be.
Thank you so much, our Jewel. I had the good fortune and pleasure of your company in RL and look forward to many more “chats” to come. Thank you for being our patient and compassionate friend. You are treasured beyond words. <3
Oh Cody, my heart is with you, and with Timmy. I hope that I am one of those people who will be patient without appearing impatient. A smile goes a long way, doesn’t it. Thank you for the enlightenment into this condition.
Awww, you are the sweetest, Ladygodivamagic! There mere fact that you hope to patient with use means that you will. It’s that simple, and a smile goes on forever. Thank you for taking the time to read our posts and for commenting. It means the world to us!
Amazing post, Cody – clear and articulate as always, but also filled with strength and hope and the affirmation that even something as difficult as the inability to speak has not held, and will not hold, you back from any and all achievements. You’re inspiring.
Michael, you are one of the few who has taken the time to engage in a “discussion” with me over doing a presentation for youth and my concerns regarding my inability to speak. You took my concerns in stride and offered many ideas and potential solutions that would enable me to participate with you. I hope one day we can do that presentation. Thank you for taking the time to read this post, to understand, and to offer hope and courage to our youth right alongside me. Rock on!
Ah Cody! No words, just…hugs. You and Timmy are doing so much to make this a better world, and I’m a better person for knowing you. <3
And WE are better, so much better, for knowing you, Dianne! Here’s to making this world a better place! Thank you so much for dropping by and commenting! <3
Thank you for this personal and moving post. I had not heard of these types of challenges before, it makes me want to know more. Thank you and thank you to Timmy as well, being willing to share your experiences is brave and appreciated. It will make me slow down when I run into someone that is having difficulty communicating so you’ve both already made a difference!
Thank you for your kind remarks, Allison! They mean a lot to us!
You are both inspiring, Cody and Timmy. Not only are you probably the gentlest people I have ever encountered, but you are also the two most articulate and amazing. I admire you so much.
I already left a message on Timmy’s post, and I’m doing his challenge tomorrow. (Tonight is Mr Anna’s birthday dinner out, so tomorrow).
You two make such a difference in my life—indeed, in everybody’s life, seeing the comments here and on Timmy’s post! You touch us. You reach that special place inside, and you make us WANT to be better, to do better.
And I think you ARE making us better. I think everyone can agree that interacting with you two has made a huge difference in our lives.
Thank you, both, for existing and for teaching us. And thank you especially for the immense patience for showing us how it is for you, for showing us what we can do.
Meeting you (with pens and note books in hand!) would be both a joy and a privilege. And I would slow myself down and wait for your magic words.
Because I have learned by now that every, single one is either uplifting or fun—or full of learning and good teachings.
Ily both.
Thank you so very much for your lovely remarks, sweet Anna. WE are so very lucky to have you as our friend. <3
Like Dianne I have no words, just happy feelings that I get to know both you and Timmy. You make such a difference in this world <3
Awww, our Deeze, thank you! We don’t have the ability to change anything, unfortunately. But we do have the ability to share our experiences in hopes that we can add a little more hope to the world. Always know that we would be nothing without good friends like you. <3
This is such a beautiful and moving post, Cody. Thank you for writing it.
Suki^^
Suki, thank you so much for stopping by, reading it, and commenting! It means the world to us! <3
Thanks for sharing your story and letting us peek into the reality of communicating without speech. We try to support those who have this struggle at our blog and love finding people who are willing to share their experiences so that the rest of us begin to understand what it is really like. Thank you!
Thank you so much, Carole. We work hard to bring awareness to others and hope that we can, in some small way, help everyone. Thank you for reading our post and for commenting. It means a lot to us!
Aloha Cody and Timmy…
You guys just blow me away. You’re both so incredibly articulate, bright and interesting. You have the most gorgeous energy.
And so willing to share yourselves and your experiences which must be incredibly frustrating and lonely at times. You have both really touched my soul this weekend. The love and care that is there. I can’t articulate what I want to say to you both. You guys are amazing!! A light in the darkness for so many people.
It’s been a great honor learning more about your both. Thank you for the gift of you. Aloha and care… big smiles Meg 😉 3