Reviewed by Carissa

 

TITLE:  Guarded

AUTHOR:  Cat Grant and L.A. Witt

PUBLISHER:  self-pub

LENGTH:  356 pages

BLURB:  

On the surface, rock star Jordan Kane has it all. His band No Rules is burning up the charts and headlining a world tour. His bodyguard doubles as a hot, kinky boyfriend who knows just how to push all his buttons. But behind the scenes, he’s suffocating.

 

Jase Hewitt never imagined he’d have a shot at bedding the larger than life rock star – never mind dominating him – but now he’s worried he’s in over his head. Jordan’s kinks run deep, dark, and sometimes dangerous, putting Jase’s desires to both pleasure and protect him at odds.

 

They might have a fighting chance at finding the safe, happy medium between what Jordan needs and what Jase is willing to give, but there’s one problem: Daniel, Jordan’s childhood best friend, the band’s talented guitarist — and a volatile, hard-partying drug addict. Jordan is determined to save Daniel from himself, but Jase has been there, done that, and desperately wants to protect Jordan from the inevitable heartache of watching an addict self-destruct.

 

When Daniel goes off the rails again, Jordan calls off the tour to get him help. Tension within the band skyrockets and pressure from the record label sends Jordan into a dark spiral. Now his band — and his life — are balanced on a knife’s edge, and Jase is the only one who can pull him back… but only if the echoes of his own tragic past don’t push him over first.

 

REVIEW:  

 

“I dream your eyes are laughing still

No more goodbyes, no bitter pills

No more white rooms, no more white walls

The wind that howled is silent now…”

 

I’m writing this now, just moments after the last words have finished, because I want to get this down.   Need to keep this feeling with me as I try to come up with the words to describe this book.  I usually try to get some distance, to let the immediate rush to pass so I can look objectively at a book.  So I can find the words.  I just don’t know if I can come up with anything but this:

 

God fucking damn.

 

But I guess since they don’t pay me the big bucks to give three word reviews (pity, that) I’ll try to find something more for you guys.

 

Jordan is a rocker with one hell of a kink.  He likes his fucks rough and hard. He likes the feel of a hand around his neck and the sensation of blankness that comes with his lungs struggling for air as he falls into oblivion and orgasm.  And he’s found someone who can give that escape in the sweetest and most punishing way.  But having Jase, his bodyguard, in and around him is hardly protection from the rest of the world. Or from his best friend, Daniel, who is not-so-slowly spiraling down into a pit of drugs and alcohol.  And when Daniel hits rock bottom once again, Jordan is determined to do anything to help him before he loses his best friend forever.

 

Jase is an ex-rocker, a current bodyguard, and may well be a lover of the tempestuous Jordan Kane.  He also knows all about living and loving an addict.  He has watched one man he loves stumble and fall through his addiction before it ultimately claimed his life.  Jase is determined to do anything he can to save Jordan his fate…even if he knows how impossible that is.  But as he grows closer to Jordan, and Daniel falls further and further, Jase fears he is doomed to watch this travesty play out all over again.  And if Jordan won’t let him protect him, what’s a bodyguard, lover, and friend to do?

 

First off I guess I should say this is one hell of a kinky book.  And boy does it hit all of my kink highlights.  Breath-play, whipping, pain that sinks you so far into subspace that you flying long after the last strike–it is all here.  The only thing that might make it even better would if they had thrown in a paddling (or three).  Yes, I do love my kink.  But I especially love how it was used here.

 

At first Jordan uses his kinks as an escape, and while there is nothing wrong with that, he went after that escape in the most dangerous way possible.  While I’ll admit to finding breath-play hot as hell, it (as well as most of the aspects of BDSM) should be undertaken with a great deal of trust.  And a lot of the people he put that trust in were nowhere near deserving of it.  But with Jase he finds someone worth it, worth letting go and knowing that there is someone there to protect him, even from himself.  And I loved that Jase had some qualms about going into the breath-play aspects of their relationship.  Jase has been in the scene for some time, so it isn’t like he doesn’t know what he is doing, but it is dangerous and he knows it.  He and Jordan have to work together to come to a place where that trust exists, not only in their bed, but in their lives.  But when they reach that place…dear god of leather and restraints, it is hot.  And perfect.

 

Not that the relationship between the two is all about the leather.   The issues coming from Daniel’s deterioration are a constant battering on what Jase and Jordan have.  Jase has watched this all before, lived it all before, and he knows all too well how it could end.  Between not wanting to see Eric (his dead lover) in Daniel’s actions, and not wanting to see Jordan in his shoes, Jase constantly has to choose between offering hope and protecting the man he has come to love.  What he chooses in the end is the best decision out of a lousy hand, but I honestly believe it was the only one he could make.  And because he did I knew that he was really what Jordan needed.

 

And Jordan…he loves Daniel.  Had loved him once upon a time, until his needs drove Daniel away from their relationship and fractured their friendship.  He doesn’t want to give up on Daniel…but damn, every time he has to watch Daniel chose the drugs, it kills them both.  I loved how all these conflicting desires tore at the two of them…hell it tore at the three of them.  Every hope was always tinged with fear, and each fall came with the knowledge that maybe this time it would be the one where they all lose everything.

 

There were also some aspects of this book that I really liked…which might cause some others problems.  There is a scene near the beginning where Jase is having sex with….a woman (*gasp*) and later on Jordan is dominated by a trans Dom.  For some reason (and I have been guilty of this on more than one occasion) a portion of m/m readers react rather strongly to the inclusion of heterosexual sex in our precious gay-boy books.  And while I am included at times in that group, I truly loved that it was here.  It felt so real.  Jase (and Jordan) like both men and women.  It is what is natural for them, and they are not ashamed of it.  Granted, I’m not in favor of using people to help you forget your somewhat-ex’s idiotic decision to dump your hot Toppy ass, but seeing as it was mutually beneficial for both Jase and the woman…why not?  I really appreciate how these authors didn’t feel the need to make a big deal out of what happened, and just let their characters be themselves, without the need for apology or clarification.

 

This book was hot, this book was heartbreaking, this book was so many things that I desire out of a good story.  I loved the music aspect–and liked that they gave us the final lyrics to the song being written, and rewritten, over the course of the story.  It was nice to see what it ended up being.   This was a great book, with hot BDSM, but first and foremost it was a wonderful story of love and loss.  Everyone reacts in such a way as to make me feel it, because it just feels so real.  So painful.  So lovely.   So goddamn beautiful.

 

I just loved it.

 

RATING:  

 

BUY LINKS: Cat Grant Amazon Are