115 Responses

  1. Denise Dechene
    Denise Dechene at |

    Loved the post!!

    Reply
  2. Sarah H
    Sarah H at |

    Well, damn! So simple.

    Reply
  3. Helena Stone
    Helena Stone at |

    Great post. I’d love to throw one spanner in the works though. See, I knew I was going to marry my husband before I even knew his name. There’s insta-love for you. And, to top it off, it was me who suggested he should probably move in after about a week. Not that he put up much of a fight, but the idea was mine. So either there are exceptions to the rule or I’m not quite as feminine as I’ve thought all these 51 years 🙂

    Reply
  4. Lisa Worrall
    Lisa Worrall at |

    Wow – how condescending.

    Reply
  5. Nocturno
    Nocturno at |

    Facepalming so hard. Here’s a reality check Max – not all guys are like you and your friends. I don’t feel like I’m a ‘simple breed of a pig’.

    And while I did experience insta-love myself, that didn’t last and looking back, I wouldn’t call it ‘love’. Wild lust more like it.

    Why are you condescending of readers who don’t feel insta-love is a valid start of a long-term relationship in the books they read?

    Reply
  6. sue laybourn
    sue laybourn at |

    As an author, I try not to generalise when I write my characters and my stories.
    I think I’ve been around long enough to know what works for me and what doesn’t. I also think I’m smart enough not to categorise anyone of any sexual orientation.
    Posts like this make me angry because I feel like as a woman, I’m being told, yet again, that I haven’t earned enough points to write in this genre.

    Reply
  7. Debra E
    Debra E at |

    Interesting post Max and I respect your opinion, even if you don’t necessarily like mine or think it’s projecting some sort of self-help nonsense.

    I don’t like or dislike insta-love. I know it happens. Gay, straight, or otherwise, man or woman, I don’t think it matters. Sometimes it works for me in a story and sometimes it doesn’t. I’m one of those who “complained” about it this time, and tried to explain why. If it doesn’t work for me in a future story I read, I will “complain” about it all over again.

    Reply
  8. Rj Scott
    Rj Scott at |

    What Sue Laybourn, Nocturno and Lisa said…

    RJ

    Reply
  9. Heather
    Heather at |

    While I enjoyed reading about your opinion, I tend to disagree with you. First of all, I have experienced insta-love (or close to it) in real life, with my husband. However, I don’t like to READ about insta-love. I find it very difficult to pull off insta-love successfully in a story and make readers believe it. That is very different from the question of whether or not insta-love is a real thing.

    Also, I hate generalizations about sexual behavior or sexual appetite. I am a woman who has a higher sex drive than her husband. Give me sex once a day and I’m a happy camper. Does that make me a pig too?

    Reply
  10. liamlivings
    liamlivings at |

    Wow. It must be lovely seeing life in such black & white simplicity, Max. However in my experience all men aren’t like this, in the same way as all women aren’t the same.
    Patronising – to men & women so well done for doing it so broadly.
    Reductionist – life is rarely in black & white & neither are people. You may well be, but most others aren’t.
    Twaddle – all of the above.

    Reply
  11. Debora N. Derr
    Debora N. Derr at |

    Condescending and insulting. This appears to be written by someone who has no respect for men or women. You justify(?) your piggish behavior by saying all men are pigs.Surprise!! I’ve been a women for a very very long time and don’t need you to explain anything to me. Women aren’t as stupid or helpless or needy as you seem to think. Also, I’ve met a lot of decent men who aren’t pigs. You don’t appear to know as much as you think you know.

    Reply
  12. Sara
    Sara at |

    Interesting opinion. I don’t actually think it was the problem was the insta-love but lack of understanding with it. I adore insta-love in stories when done well. I understand where some would do a Scooby Doo head tilt at it in this story. Carter did a complete 180 from the time he arrived at the farm to his first thought of wanting to hop into bed with Matt and Carl. And then we get to the couple who has made them selves solitary and special but after so many years just add a third? A few paragraphs as to “why” would have helped, possibly, and not just “We love you… for some reason.”

    Everyone has different levels of sexual appetite and yet you label all gay men or even men in general as pigs for the simple reason they like sex? That is unfortunate and while I did like this story, the condensing nature of this post, to women particularly, makes me balk at picking up another read from you.

    Reply
  13. Danielle
    Danielle at |

    Love Bytes Reviews believes every person has a right to their voice, and does not censor author guest posts, except that we do not allow personal attacks on anyone. We welcome opposing author opinions. If an author is interested in writing a counterpoint blog post with an opposing view, we are happy to welcome that post.

    Sometimes, as a blog owner, I am given difficult guest posts. I have chosen to allow authors their voice, as I allow our reviewers theirs. This means sometimes posting guest articles with which I, and the reviewers here at Love Bytes, disagree.

    Reply
    1. Dana
      Dana at |

      Danielle, maybe you shouldn’t do this blog then!! You are suppose to support the authors not critizising them. If you are that closed minded you should just stop pretending that you are. Geez. This really makes me mad, Danielle!!! With your comment, you are personal attacking Max like the others!!! Shame on you!! Max is a wonderful person, awesome author and I just love his sense of humor. I will always support him!!! I try to ignore all of you (sorry for my words) stupid people!!! Enough said!!

      Reply
      1. J.p. Barnaby
        J.p. Barnaby at |

        Dani isn’t attacking anyone. It’s a controversial blog topic and she is entitled to her opinion about the content just as anyone else is. She didn’t have to post it at all, and there are those who are criticizing her for doing so. It’s an impossible situation she can’t win.

        So, Dani – thank you for running this blog to give authors in this genre a voice and a platform on which to promote our work. I appreciate your efforts and the efforts of your reviewers. <3

        Reply
      2. Danielle
        Danielle at |

        Lady you dont even know me! So dont try to put words in my mouth that arent there . if you want to know my opinion have the guts to confront me personally I am on fb under Dani Elle Maas

        Reply
  14. Ashavan Doyon
    Ashavan Doyon at |

    This could have been said in a way that didn’t feel disrespectful to the women authors and readers in our genre. This just feels mean. I hope you can clarify the tone, because I’ve heard some glowing things about you, and I hate to think they were wrong.

    Reply
  15. maxvos
    maxvos at |

    Good God people, this was meant to be tongue in cheek. Not to be taken so seriously. Sheesh, why is everyone so PC? The whole point was to point out that insta-love does happen and sometimes it does work. I am sorry if anyone took offense,it was not meant to be insulting to anyone.

    Reply
    1. Nic
      Nic at |

      So sorry we women failed to laugh at your unfunny humor. Sometimes we accidentally short-circuit and go all rogue feminist like that, forgetting a lifetime of our patriarchal society’s indoctrination that programs us to laugh at all men’s jokes, funny or not. Our bad!

      Reply
    2. sue laybourn
      sue laybourn at |

      Sorry, Max. But I find that your response is little more than a thinly veiled insult. Perhaps you need to brush up on your satirical technique a little more eh?

      Reply
    3. Susan Ford
      Susan Ford at |

      Julia Child said use the three “F”s to keep a man happy. Food, flattery, and fucking. Not necessarily in that order. 🙂

      Reply
    4. patricialogan
      patricialogan at |

      Honestly, I’m going to encourage everyone here to get to know Max before you jump to conclusions. Read his weekend blog. Not only will you begin to understand his insane sense of humor, but you will understand the man himself. He knows who his is, is FEARLESS in his writings and also in life, and appreciates and loves women. His best friend is a woman! I knew from the first line of the blog that he was poking fun not at WOMEN, but at himself. He is a self-professed, self-satisfied PIG and extremely proud of it. In fact, Max knows himself better than most men I know. He’s also a really nice man, and an extremely loyal friend. Take the time to get to know him before taking everything he says literally. We’re authors… we do have imagination. Thank you

      Reply
    5. mariekesnip
      mariekesnip at |

      Perhaps you should’ve worded it less condescending to women, Max. Even if some men do feel like women don’t understand how men, or gay men think, this is not te way to say it. If you don’t like peoples responds, don’t post these kind of blog posts, simple. It’s got nothing to do with being PC, but with feeling offended with your dig on women.

      Reply
    6. kim sanders
      kim sanders at |

      LOL I thought it was hysterical. I am a straight 53 y/o female who only reads gay romance or whatever as long as there are 2 men…lol. I think my female authors do a good job getting the facts about gay men or men in general. I think it might be hard not to include a little Venus in them…lol. I love my female writers and Im sure you didnt mean to put anyone down in what they do. But really your description of men whether gay or straight was pretty good. In the book “Be honest you’re not that into him either” he also wrote ” she comes first” when it comes to sex men have sex like rats and women like voles. Rats mate with many other rats, voles mate for life. Now thats not saying there are not men with a little vole in them and women with a little rat….

      Reply
    7. Bobbie
      Bobbie at |

      Hey, I agree with Patricia Logan and Max Vos, this was so tongue in cheek and it made me laugh when I read it. I’m not really understanding what everyone is so offended over, it was meant to be funny and I found it so. I have read Max’s blog’s and find him really funny and insightful. I’m so sorry that people took it the wrong way and it bothers me that there was a post saying how even the owner of the blog didn’t agree with it. I feel that was really disrespectful for the author and the readers. A simple statement that there was a “controversial” blog post posted and that it might offend should have been sufficient enough. Just my opinion. I just feel that this should have been taken in the spirit that it was written.

      Reply
    8. Dana
      Dana at |

      Max, you are perfect the way you are! You shouldn’t have to apologize for anything you say. Those ppl should just keep their mouths shut. I am so angry right now. As I can tell ppl don’t get your sense of humor. I do and I love it. Don’t let this get you down. I will always support you!!! Hugs!!

      Reply
  16. J.p. Barnaby
    J.p. Barnaby at |

    So, I’m bypassing the whole thing about women because that’s been done to death and I don’t care enough to argue the point.

    However – I am offended by the idea that the author of this post feels gay men don’t love, that they only have sex. All I can say to that is, sit down and have a ten minute conversation with TJ Klune – or Rick Reed – or Andrew Grey – or Kage Alan. Your dismissal of their commitments to the men they love is abhorrent.

    Reply
    1. Scott Burkett
      Scott Burkett at |

      I’ve been with Greg for going on 26 years. I don’t know if it was Insta-Love but I can most assuredly state that it is Everlasting.

      Reply
      1. J.p. Barnaby
        J.p. Barnaby at |

        Congratulations, Scott! <3

        Reply
    2. kim sanders
      kim sanders at |

      OMG he wasnt saying gay men cant love. So you wont buy his books because of his blog and not due to you dont like his books. This is the crap that upsets people? Really WOW. So you tell people to not buy his books, who are you to say that? If that is what you believe then you are no better than him, your doing exactly what your upset with him about. He says men are pigs and your proving women are sensitive bitches.

      Reply
  17. Leigh
    Leigh at |

    Thanks for writing this. Now I know to never buy any of your books, since I apparently couldn’t understand them properly. Since I’m a woman and all.

    Reply
    1. Nic
      Nic at |

      Right? What a money-and-time saver this was! Though “alienate your readership” is a kinda shitty business plan…

      Reply
  18. Trish
    Trish at |

    *twirls hair* I’m just not sure what this post is all about? *cracks gum* Guess I’ll go back to bending over so my husband pays attention to me. *sashays out*

    Reply
  19. Michael Kudo
    Michael Kudo at |

    I think this post was in bad taste. And I don’t get one lick of humor from it.

    I’m far from being against people speaking their mind or people being politically INcorrect (as the world would certainly be boring that way) but considering that this post contains the type of venom people in our genre get spat at them constantly, it just doesn’t gel right.

    As a gay man in a relationship, I really take offense to the suggestion that all gay men are pigs and we’d happily give it up for a steak dinner. Obviously not a direct quote, but that’s what I got from it.

    And I’ll just say that some female authors in our genre write male characters better than some men in our genre.

    Reply
  20. Lauren Marks
    Lauren Marks at |

    OK, I am not an overly sensitive soul, but I enjoyed this post. It’s light hearted and funny – and I think if read it the spirit it is intended all it does is comment on the reviewers who continue to claim insta-love doesn’t happen in real life.

    As a woman (who doesn’t have any books to sell, so my opinion is often disregarded by some authors out there – Wasn’t GRL an eye opener on how some of you treat readers (but that isn’t an issue for here)) I would like to say to all those commenting above – SERIOUSLY????? Why do you have to make out like women are weak. Do we really need to bring ourselves back so far?

    How can so many people in a genre that gets the reaction it does in the wider community be so sensitive? If the world was as politically correct as you seem to want it, then none of you would have anything left to write about.

    So, mostly I am pissed off, at all of those who can’t wait to try and bring another author down (please note there is NOTHING in this post about women’s right to write in this genre). Please, for those of us who buy your books (though some of you, not any more) grow up.

    Reply
    1. Nic
      Nic at |

      Child please. Take a feminism class. Bristling at being patronized does not make us sensitive, and you’re being condescending by suggesting it does. If you aren’t irritated by the post, you don’t mind a man talking down to you. And if that’s the case, there’s not much point in replying further, so I’ll shut up now.

      Reply
      1. Devora
        Devora at |

        That war the most idiotic comment yet. If you don’t agree with me you are wrong? Wow! If that’s what you learned in your feminism you should ask for a refund, they sold you a bill of goods.

        Reply
        1. Nic
          Nic at |

          Yes, since someone is labeling people who were offended by a demeaning post as “sensitive” and saying that we’re portraying women as weak because of it, and I know both of these things to be factually untrue – she’s wrong. And if you agree with her points, then I seriously don’t have the monumental time it would take to enlighten you about why that’s bad. Though as a woman, it should be self-evident.

          Reply
  21. Milly Fhish
    Milly Fhish at |

    If you have to explain you wrote satire, you haven’t really written satire.

    Reply
  22. Ami
    Ami at |

    I am disregarding the whole women vs. men thing (I disagree with it, but okay, I’ll try taking your point that it’s meant to be tongue in cheek). I guess the real issue is that yes, there are complaints about insta-love and you try to point out that insta-love happens in real life. So we … those readers who don’t like insta-love … should stop complaining about it.

    Well, I’d like to comment on this because for me the falling in love part in a story is like a reward. So reading the beginning, the flirting, the obstacles, until the climax in which they fall in love makes it a rewarding experience. And to balance out those parts of the story is also showing how the author presents the story to me. Insta-love takes out the reward part, like giving out the big prize in the beginning. There’s no surpise anymore. Of course, I will react differently when the insta-love happens in an intense situation, maybe like a thriller/murder mystery. There are times I even forget they MCs fall in love within a week because the situation they are in is so intense.

    It has nothing to do with my being a woman, and the MCs being gay men, but more on my enjoyment as a reader. I expect the same in MF romance or any other LGBT romance.

    Reply
    1. Heather
      Heather at |

      I agree, Ami. I think insta-love doesn’t give the readers the buildup that they want, and I also think it just doesn’t come across correctly most of the time. For me, the sexual tension and buildup is the best part of the story!

      Reply
  23. Lily G. Blunt
    Lily G. Blunt at |

    Can only male pigs write “real” gay sex? It’s interesting that a number of supposedly wonderful “male” authors turn out to be female after all!

    Reply
  24. Kimberley
    Kimberley at |

    Oh for heavens sake! This was meant to be a joke and was said in a tongue in cheek manner. Good gawds spare me from people with their hypersensitive…I can’t even. I’m a woman and I was in no way offended by this post. I took it exactly for what it was meant to be: a joke. I didn’t take his statements to mean that he was being insensitive or condescending in any way. Max, I got it. Don’t apologize. If they didn’t catch the humor behind what you said, oh well. But DO NOT apologize. You shouldn’t have to walk on egg shells or censor yourself. You said it, they didn’t get it, oh well. Say what you mean, mean what you say and stand firm in your words.

    Reply
    1. patricialogan
      patricialogan at |

      One hundred percent what Kimberly said, Max!!!

      Reply
  25. Mary-Sue2U2
    Mary-Sue2U2 at |

    It would seem your Insta-love didn’t ring true for many reviewers and readers. Move on and try to do better next time instead of throwing a tanty with lame ass swipes at both men and women that do little more than alienate possible readers.

    If you were aiming for satire, or as you say, tongue-in-cheek, with this post, then you may want to practice that too before trotting it out for general consumption because from most of the comments here I think its fair to say it too falls short of the mark.

    Reply
  26. PiggishMaxAtGRL
    PiggishMaxAtGRL at |

    Based on how you treated a certain someone at GRL, which was very piggish, I’m not surprised by this post. You are not the end all of how men act. Next time, don’t be such a dick and think that you can say rude thing to men who aren’t like you. In some circles what you did would be considered assault.

    Reply
  27. kenny
    kenny at |

    Well now I am aware your rude personal behavior is your true personality, not just the stress of being at a conference. Good to know.

    Reply
  28. Shirley Williamson
    Shirley Williamson at |

    Max I personally did not take offense. Hey, and I am female! What do you know!
    Keep doing what your doing! I love you!
    If people are going to get this upset at your opinion, which you should be allowed to have, then my suggestion is, maybe they shouldn’t read your interviews anymore?
    After all, they certainly seem to think they give you their opinion.
    At any rate, I hope you have an amazing day. 🙂

    Reply
  29. Nya Rawlyns
    Nya Rawlyns at |

    Gawd, finally. A rational voice in the wilderness. *bows in sweet obeisance to his wisdom*

    Reply
  30. Danielle
    Danielle at |

    Some of these comments are coming close to being personal attacks. This comment section is for responding to the post, and I welcome comments, critical or not, that are about that content. If you have personal differences with the author about treatment at GRL, please contact him directly. This blog is not the venue for those sorts of comments.

    Reply
  31. kenny
    kenny at |

    I was not the person who was slighted. I am merely an observer. And would like to point out that not only women are mildly offended. Men are as well. This isn’t a one on one “fight”. It’s a person making generalized statements, myself realizing that those same statements are indeed the personal viewpoint and making note. I’m not at all attacking, nor do I wish to. That would be pointless and a waste of my valuable time. Max is entitled to his opinions. I am entitled to mine. The end.

    Reply
  32. Josh Lanyon (@JoshLanyon)
    Josh Lanyon (@JoshLanyon) at |

    Here’s the basic problem. Fiction is not real life. Not in any genre or sub-genre, and the minute someone starts complaining that fiction doesn’t mirror their reality is the minute someone has branded themselves as an amateur. And delusional. It’s art, it’s craft, it’s fiction. Biography is in another section. Deal with it.

    Reply
    1. kadeboehme
      kadeboehme at |

      My hero.

      Reply
    2. Jake Wallace
      Jake Wallace at |

      Thanks, Josh. Great point.

      Reply
    3. jkhoganbooks
      jkhoganbooks at |

      *sigh* a non-emotional voice of reason. TY

      Reply
    4. anonauthor
      anonauthor at |

      Just curious, Josh Lanyon. Are you saying that fiction writers who draw from personal experience, especially gay men who write gay fiction, aren’t writing fiction…even if that fiction is larger than life?

      I may be an “amateur,” however, as I gay man with little heteronormative experience I’ve always found that drawing from personal experience makes the fiction more authentic and enhances the craft and the art whether I’m reading it or writing it.

      In other words, let me use this analogy. Are you saying that because Toni Morrison draws from her personal experiences as an African American woman she’s an amateur? Are you saying that a non-African American writer can write fiction as good or even better than an African American like Toni Morrison? And, are you claiming that the African American writer doesn’t get the last word in African American literature? Of course I’m sure it’s obvious that I’m comparing this to LGBT fiction. Both are minority fiction and both should be treated with equal respect. And minority authors should also be treated with the same respect by non-minority authors. Deal with it.

      Reply
  33. Eric H
    Eric H at |

    As others have mentioned, if an attempt at satire has to be explained, it has failed. That’s not on the readers – that’s on the writer. I found this post condescending and reductive in its arguments, but it boils down to the author being defensive about criticism over the “instalove” in his new book. I find it very offputting when authors can’t take criticism like a grownup.

    I’ve really enjoyed Max’s books in the past, but I also have to say that I’ve been put off by the warning for his new book. I’m an adult. I love mature subject matter. And I absolutely believe love is love. But I don’t want to read father/son incest, especially when the father raised the son. Not all taboos are created equally. While I don’t agree with the book being taken down from Amazon and other sites, the warning should be more specific. If other people want to read it, great! I don’t, and apparently that makes me close minded. It’s insulting. I don’t judge others for what they want to read and write, and that should go both ways.

    Reply
  34. Sami
    Sami at |

    I like a man who can be honest, and that was all levels of honest. Very refreshing. PS loved GoingHome Have read it twice.

    Reply
  35. Adam Ant SEA
    Adam Ant SEA at |

    I’m sorry but an author NOTORIOUS for bitching out people on their GR reviews should not do a blog post like this b/c it sounds like he’s throwing a tantrum and bitching us out for not liking his book. Tongue-in-cheek sounds like a convenient excuse/cop-out to use AFTER everyone started jumping his ass. I think everyone summed it up perfectly: If you have to explain you wrote satire, you haven’t really written satire. But maybe it’s b/c i DO know the man that I can read it in the snide tone in which it felt delivered—and undoubtedly was.

    And as a gay man, I was ridiculously offended. The end.

    #SitDown

    Reply
    1. Adam Ant SEA
      Adam Ant SEA at |

      Heh. Maybe this was for purposeful controvery to get his name out there? He succeeded I suppose.

      Reply
  36. Doug Starr
    Doug Starr at |

    The differences between men and women, especially on their views towards sex, has always interested me. As much as I believe we are all basically the same, there are still differences. So I spent some time looking at the research. Here is an article which I feel respectfully addressed the chemical and psychological distinctions (in general) of how man and women view physical intimacy. And I particularly like that the author states clearly that this is not hard and fast, but general.

    http://www.netnanny.com/learn_center/article/165/

    Reply
  37. Elaine Lee
    Elaine Lee at |

    I enjoyed the post.

    Reply
  38. CP
    CP at |

    Yeah, what great illustration for a reason to never buy a book by Max Vos. Congrats on on the alienation of your readership!

    Reply
    1. kim sanders
      kim sanders at |

      If your that sensitive then maybe you shouldnt read his books. What does this have to do with his writing? WOW you people are seriously sensitive. get a grip

      Reply
  39. Marco
    Marco at |

    I approached Max several days ago and I told him how furious I was that his book got pulled from Amazon and ARe. No matter the content, I fucking HATE censorship in any way, shape or form! He then gave me a copy of his book and told me that all he wants was an honest review. He was totally sweet and we had a nice talk. It wasn’t after we talked that I read the following on his blog:

    “However, let me make this very clear, for those of you who want to go and give a book a two star rating, or go off on a rant because of content – you only show others how closed-minded you truly are. Look at it this way: you aren’t giving a true review of the book but only a review of yourself. Trust me when I say this: I laugh.”

    So what is it now? I’m really not sure what to make of all of this. The Max that I talked to and the blogger are like two totally different people. While I’d like to think that he really didn’t intend to insult – well, almost everyone, I also think that his choice of words here was very poor at least. As a gay man, or as a man in general, I felt offended by what he said. I am in a serious relationship for over 8 years and I don’t recognize neither me nor my partner in his portrayal of gay men. We are no pigs!

    And just to get this straight: this is NOT a comment addressed to an author or his books or his style of writing! This is a comment addressed to someone who made a statement about men/gays in general and -assuming that it was – failed to get it across as satire.

    Reply
  40. J.p. Barnaby
    J.p. Barnaby at |
    Reply
  41. A.B. Gayle
    A.B. Gayle at |

    There is a big difference between disagreeing with what someone writes and disapproving of what someone writes. Shame that a lot of the comments fall into the latter category.

    Why take an opinion as a personal attack?

    Why not say. Max is blowing smoke out of his arse again. Some men might be like that, not all men. Let’s go and have a drink.

    Reply
  42. Tim
    Tim at |

    got to tell you….Max hit the nail RIGHT on the head. I AM a pig…I AM gay and once a day is NEVER enough for me even now that I am in my 52nd year of being alive. Thanks for the insight Max. In the words of Alanis Morrisette…”You oughta know” Hugs!

    Reply
    1. Erica Pike
      Erica Pike at |

      I am way late in this discussion. I saw it last year and backed away slowly. I didn’t like the outrage against one person – be it for rightful reasons or not.

      However, what you’re saying interest me. Women writing gay romances are often scolded by gay men (usually writers) for writing sex in their books, but gay men writing the exact same thing in their books seems to be perfectly acceptable. We’re called horny bitches, and showing gay men in the wrong light, because gay men “aren’t just about sex.” I haven’t read any book – written by a man or a woman – that isn’t listed as pure erotica where the gay men are ONLY having sex. But here you say that once a day isn’t enough for you. I’m not saying this in a negative way or to contradict or cause any trouble, I’m just saying that the animosity against women writing gay romances is often unfair and double standard. I’m surprised the men lashing out don’t see it.

      That said, and back on topic, after re-reading Max’s post, the stuff he said about men getting together very quickly if they like each other kind of makes sense. It’s very common for a hetero man, after a relationship break, to move in with another women within the year. My ex did (and it was perfectly fine, I adore his new wife), while I haven’t even started dating yet after four years (my choice, I’m focusing on myself).

      Reply
  43. DJ
    DJ at |

    Nothing wrong with insta-love in a story…if it’s believable. Just wasn’t believable in this book.

    Reply
  44. Petronella Ford
    Petronella Ford at |

    I have clearly read a different post to everyone else cos I didn’t see any insults to women. Basically what he said was insta-love happens. Being a gay man he assumes that they do it more than straight couples. I think he’s wrong about that, it took me about a week to move in with my husband, 6 weeks to buy a house 12 months to get married and a further 18 years to get the divorce papers signed. Therefore from my experience insta-love doesn’t work, but others disagree. Maybe the truth is that regardless of how it starts all love will fail, or last. One of the two. As to the men are pigs I’m fairly sure there are many jokes about pleasing a men by showing up naked and bring beer and and I don’t see people standing in card shops complaining it’s sexist.
    The point is take the worst kind of man as painted by the above post; thats the kind of man its author is claiming to be. He is not standing on a pillar looking down on people he is saying “I’m the kind of man who will be found clutching a can of beer and watching people pee in public on a Friday night”. Which would make him a pig. What he also is is a nice guy and one who writes books that don’t hold back, they aren’t nice or pretty, even the ones with insta-love have bits where you think “Really?” In fact you could say his writing is quite challenging, a fact clearly exhibited by the above post!

    Reply
  45. Debbie
    Debbie at |

    As a reader (of many of the authors who have commented here) I am appalled at the ‘bloodlust’ portrayed by some authors. Even after Max tried to set the record straight by emphatically stating that it wasn’t his intention to offend anyone this wasn’t enough. Why? Why make this into a personal attack against the man instead of the blog? Even if the humor fell short because I too, felt chided by it. With what little I know of Max’s personal life, it is in total contrast to how he portrayed gay men here and that alone tells me his intentions were to be humorous. It felt as if people were coming out of the wood works to add to the attack with things that weren’t even related to this post. As a ‘wannabe writer’ myself if ever I’m blessed enough to be published one day, I would be loathed to be linked to some of you authors no matter how ‘esteemed’ and ‘professional’ you are.

    Reply
  46. silkeeeeeereads
    silkeeeeeereads at |

    I love fiction of all kinds. I have always been the first person to say, “fiction is fiction,” why get so wrapped up in it? Some people bring characters to life so well that it makes people angry if a character is cheated on or having a menage relationship. I always answer, “It’s fiction. Calm down.”

    Reply
  47. Nic
    Nic at |

    I’m less offended by the post than I am mortified by the women here attacking fellow women for being offended by it. #wtf

    Reply
  48. Nina
    Nina at |

    If a gay man says that his only intention was to poke fun at some of the myths some women believe about gay men then why are people still so upset and attacking him online? So not many got the joke but hey get over yourselves and no I’m not attacking any women for feeling offended but for godsake he meant it as a joke. Geez I’m a black woman and if I took offense to all the jokes aimed at black women I would constantly be traumatized.

    Reply
  49. trish2144
    trish2144 at |

    Seems you either hate it, or love it.

    Reply
  50. Danni
    Danni at |

    Max Vos is such a wonderful courageous man, who often goes out of his way to help others when there is nothing in return for him but the knowledge that he helped. To have him blasted like this by his fellow writers especially, simply because he could have worded a satirical piece differently is shameful. Some of you to the point of persuading others not to buy his books anymore, wow do I detect underlying motives here? Consider yourselves off my buying list. Yea I know, I’m but one reader but I’m sure others like me, do not appreciate everything that has been said here.

    Reply
  51. Nina
    Nina at |

    So the authors who have been attacking Max on their facebook pages did not apparently like anyone defending him so they removed my comment and unfriended me. That says a lot about your motives wouldn’t you say?

    Reply
    1. Rachel
      Rachel at |

      Nina please…Nobody is out on a witch hunt for him. Stop with the propaganda. Maybe before you defend him you actually research who youre defending. Just an FYI

      Reply
      1. A.B. Gayle
        A.B. Gayle at |

        Just FYI. “Maybe before you defend him you actually research who youre defending.” sounds like proaganda to me and totally refutes this sentence: “Nobody is out on a witch hunt for him.”
        Disagree with his viewpoint by all means but do you really need to do the veiled hints and besmirching?! What? Is he a closet Republican?

        Reply
  52. Sunne
    Sunne at |

    I haven’t read the book. I wanted to but it was already taken down by amazon. Honestly, I don’t mind “Insta-love” if the author can show it to me. So – I’m not even passionate about that topic.
    What takes me aback in this article is the simplification of men, especially gay men. I believe that every person is different, man or woman, and has different interests and ideas about life. To say that for men their dick rules, followed by their stomach – sorry, most men I know (gay and straight) use their brain first.
    So I refuse to believe the stereotype of gay men Max Vos is portraying. Maybe he doesn’t know any other guys, as we say “Birds of a feather will flock together”.
    I know for sure men – gay and straight – who are not ruled by their most basic instincts 😉 and who would be tacken aback by this description of men.

    Reply
  53. mariekesnip
    mariekesnip at |

    Okay, enough is enough. Max made a not so smart choice by writing this blog post. If he says it was meant as satire, then it didn’t work. Doesn’t mean he’s not s decent human being. Even if he slighted someone, it doesn’t make him bad, it makes him human. He’s an author, not a god, therefore not perfect. Lets stop all this accusing and hatefulness. This has nothing to do with his books. You either like them or you don’t, but his personality has nothing to do with you liking a story.
    Get over it.

    Reply
  54. Nocturno
    Nocturno at |

    I don’t think we’re being sensitive. I love non-pc humor, satire, and so on, but I fail to see any of it here – it reads like a sexist pamphlet from the 1950s. Max claims the post was satire (which I find hard to believe because a writer should be able to write satire without 80% of the readers failing to get the joke). But even putting the reductionist arguments about gender aside, this post is a bratty complaint about people not understanding the author’s book.

    And readers have every right to feel that the insta-love in said book is poorly executed without being shamed for it. The author gives the readers a product, which they are entitled to review any way they want. That’s how it works, otherwise, the author makes himself look like a baby.

    And as for this being a result Max’s ‘strange’ sense of humor… well, as a writer and a person who’s old enough to know themselves well, Max should understand the importance of tailoring his words to the medium he uses. I don’t know, maybe he’s hilarious in real life, and this tirade would work if we had his tone, etc. But it just doesn’t work as it is. It’s not funny. It’s not tongue-in-cheek. It is very unprofessional of him to publish this in the first place.

    Reply
    1. Nic
      Nic at |

      Best, most intelligent comment here.

      Reply
  55. K. Z. Snow
    K. Z. Snow at |

    All this whole thing proves to me, yet again, is how subjective humor is — at least as much as our standards for beauty and for love. (For what it’s worth, I define insta-love as lust with aspirations.) Other than that, I agree with Josh Lanyon, because . . . who doesn’t? 😉

    Reply
    1. anonauthor
      anonauthor at |

      So you’re saying you agree that no fiction is based on any personal experience at all, ever? That personal experience is only for bios? And you agree that gay men shouldn’t be writing fiction that might be based on their personal experiences as gay men in order to craft fiction that is larger than life?

      Just curious. Because in the history of literature there has never been anything like this before that happened to any other minority group in such an aggressive way, where non-minority writers control the content of minority books with aggressive promotion and alleged gaming, blatantly exploiting and dismissing the voices within the minority. In this case the minority in question being gay men. All for monetary gain.

      Reply
  56. Dana
    Dana at |

    All of you that are putting Max in the dog house about absolutely nothing should just keep their mouths shut and worry about their own issues! Yes, THEIR OWN issues!!!! That’s what it’s all about!! Max hasn’t done anything wrong and it is not his problem that all of you who are critizising him got a closed mind. I am getting so sick of reading all that BS! Shame on all of you!!!

    Reply
  57. AnnAlaskan
    AnnAlaskan at |

    I love it when writers write & readers blow up! All my long life … I’ve heard the ‘men are pigs’ … mostly by women & laughable reasons. Men say ‘Yep’ … why I have my man cave & own fridge filled with beer right beside my Barca lounger & ottoman where my food is waiting for the start of the _____ game to start on my 1000″ TV. I chuckled thru the blog & dismissed the things I didn’t agree with. When I got into the comments … I got sadder & sadder. The rantings reminded me of what trolls & anti-gay fanatics write all the time! What we say to them … is if you don’t like it … don’t read it. When did this community get so mean & disrespectful to another person? It was a blog … folks … just a blog. I don’t appreciate the comments that are a personal attack against the author or his books. One article is not going to keep me from reading any other article or book. Each will be judged on there own merit. I’ve paid a huge amount of money for a hardcover book by a reknown author … liked his other books … & this one was a clunker … IN MY OPINION! Everyone else loved it … I gave it away … after I read it twice! Why we read … to see what others think or have to say or just throw out there! Who cares! If you don’t like it … hit the ‘move on’ button! I’ve read Max’s books … I read them slowly … they make me think … do I agree or not … why? He pushes some of my buttons … why I like him! Please … just agree or disagree with what’s written … don’t attack the person!

    Reply
    1. Helena Stone
      Helena Stone at |

      Why am I not surprised (one of) the voice(s) of reason comes from Alaska? I’m not going to get into the book (I can’t since I haven’t read it yet) and I said what I wanted to say about the post earlier.
      I have to say the comments here make me want to cry though. Of course everybody is allowed to disagree with Max and/or not appreciate his sense of humour. There are ways of doing that though. In my mind trying to shred him to bits and becoming outright insulting is not one of them. The best I can say for that is that those who turned their response into a personal attack are guilty of exactly that they’re accusing Max of.

      Reply
    2. Barbra
      Barbra at |

      Well said, AnnAlaskan.

      Reply
  58. Marco
    Marco at |

    Can’t we just all get along….? *bows head, puts hands in his pocket, kicks stone*

    Reply
    1. Marco
      Marco at |

      I mean, Max wrote a blog post that most people didn’t agree with. Me included. But he apologized! And people who are close to him told us that this just was his kind of humor. Even if you didn’t get it (including me, I didn’t see any satire in his post), we all should give it a rest. We are all on the same side here. And while I personally think that it would be best if Max would clarify his intentions to those who are not familiar with his character or kind of humor, I also think that this whole thing has been blown out of proportion right now.

      Reply
  59. Gin
    Gin at |

    I agree that not everyone is on the same side…also I just would like to say that men should not be compared to pigs and that all humans male or female see something or someone they want and we will usually do whatever is possible to attain it…I just don’t think it makes us pigs just makes us human.

    Reply
  60. Terri
    Terri at |

    Wow. I read Max’s post when it first came out, and it made me smile a bit, then I moved on. I’ve read his posts before, and I appreciate his sometimes snarky humor. After I read the post, life got crazy busy, and I wasn’t even able to look at Facebook until today. When I signed on, I was blown away by all the negative comments regarding something I hadn’t even really thought of again after the first read. Can’t we stop with the personal attacks against Max? I mean, really, I never thought the article was Max being serious. (As I said, this wasn’t his first post for me.) I think he’s a good guy who doesn’t deserve to be nailed to the wall over this, whether you think he really lives and thinks that way or not.
    By the way, I read Going Home before Amazon pulled it, and I really enjoyed it. Father/son incest isn’t a hot button for me, even though it’s not something I seek out in a story. I’m sure I’m not the only one who sniffled at the end. I came to like the characters, and I wanted them to be happy together. Stories like this show me that Max has the ability to be very sensitive and show real feelings. I won’t stop reading him now, whether he writes books or blog posts.

    Reply
  61. Gin
    Gin at |

    Usually you can spot humor by one very important clue…most people laugh about it. Sorry but not seeing this here. I see quite a few people insulted by the comment made. And all they are doing is stating like they are invited to do. Also would like to mention that I am the type of person who will read anything once to see what if I like that genre of writing but I did not appreciate that book especially for the fact of the incest. I am a firm believer that certain lines should not be crossed and certain family relationships should be maintained.

    Reply
  62. Danielle
    Danielle at |

    Love Bytes reviews would like to thank all the people who have commented on the blog. When we posted the guest blog by Max Vos, we didn’t intend to offend anyone. Unfortunately Max’s attempt at tongue in cheek satire/sarcasm, aimed at explaining the Insta-Love in his latest book, did not translate well with many of you .For us, he is an author, taking an opportunity, like many others, to post about a recent release. While everyone is entitled to their own opinions ,in our judgment, the comments here have gotten out of control , became too personal and are no longer constructive discussion on either side. As a result we are seriously considering closing the comment section .

    Reply
  63. Nocturno
    Nocturno at |

    I just love how some people are telling readers who stated their oppinions that they hace ‘issues’ just because they disagree. *slow clap*

    Reply
    1. Nic
      Nic at |

      Right? Though I have often found the number of exclamation points a commenter is compelled to make in arguing a position corresponds directly to the number of “issues” the person has…

      Reply
  64. Mary-Sue2U2
    Mary-Sue2U2 at |

    I’ve kept an eye on the comments in regard to this blog post out of curiousity. What has really struck me is the way the author’s friends have come out to blast anyone who didn’t like the post. They loudly proclaim that the author is entitled to his opinion but tell anyone who has a differing opinion to shut up. Isn’t everyone entitled to an opinion, even if it doesn’t agree with theirs? Isn’t debate healthy? Isn’t that part of being part of a democracy? Or are we only allowed to have opinions that agree with the author in this instance?

    And then there is the insults about sensitivity. I won’t apologise to anyone for being “sensitive.” I am. I’m sensitive to the feelings and needs of my family and friends. I’m sensitive to violence and atrocities I see every day on the news. I’m sensitive to the environment. I’m sensitive to the issues facing our society. And I’m sensitive to being told that a man isn’t interested in my personality and character, that all he’s interested in is my tits and vagina and how I cook his steak, and so as long as I fuck him and feed him he’ll hang around. That is insulting, not just to me as a woman, but also to men. If being “sensitive” makes one weak then maybe we need more weakness in the world instead of less.

    The post wasn’t funny or satirical. It was came across to me as bitchy and nasty and as the author having a tantrum. I read an article once where an author said writing humour is more difficult than writing angst and that it needs a light touch. In this post that light touch was missing.

    The last thing I need to say is the subject matter of this book scares the crap out of me. It scares me because incest is written as something sexy and to excite the reader. I’m a survivor of incest and I can tell you from first hand experience it wasn’t sexy, it wasn’t erotic and it wasn’t fun. I was groomed and manipulated and guilted into silence and for 20 years I’ve been trying to deal with what that person did to me and before you can all jump all over me saying in this book they are all consenting adults I was an adult by the time he’d finished grooming me. He was someone I’d known my whole life and I trusted him. He was nice to me and he waited until I was 18 to do what he did, because you know what? That’s what predators do.

    Books like this one scare me because I can’t help wondering how long before its not taboo and is instead the norm and everyone is so used to seeing it and hearing it, same as we’ve already become so hardened to violence and war that we hardly blink an eye? What happens then to the children like me who have members in their family who don’t look at them as they should and instead see them as a sex object?

    Reply
    1. Gin
      Gin at |

      I just would like to say that I am sorry you had to experience this. It must very hard for you to share it and people should really try to understand your point. I completely agree with it.

      Reply
      1. Mary-Sue2U2
        Mary-Sue2U2 at |

        Thank you for being nice and not jumping all over me for my admission. It was very hard for me to say and I was scared I’d be slammed for it. Its not something I talk about, but something told me I had to say something. It does worry me the number of authors now writing this sort of thing. I know I’m biased against it and there will be those who think I should shut up because of that but I can’t help wondering why they romanticise something like that. To me its like romanticising rape. Is it because its still controversial and it will get people buying their books out of curiousity to see what all the fuss is about?

        Reply
        1. Gin
          Gin at |

          I strongly believe that something that what is a painful subject and experience for someone should not be romanticised. We should always think how we would feel if we were put in that situation. If you are biased well then I guess so am I. I believe that some relationships should be honored and that the boundaries that exist in those should be observed and not broken. Don’t feel like you need to shut up about your experience. If you have made at least one person rethink about this situation then it’s good. And I do believe I read in a earlier comment that a person has the right to speak their opinions. Well so do you.

          Reply
  65. Dictionary
    Dictionary at |

    That word doesn’t mean what you think it does….

    satire [sat-ahyuh r] – a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.

    Scorn…
    Derision…
    Ridicule…

    Reply
  66. Dictionary
    Dictionary at |

    Again, that word doesn’t mean what you think it does…

    bully [boo l-ee] – a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.

    Telling someone you disagree with their blog post doesn’t rise to the level of habitually badgering smaller or weaker people.

    Reply
  67. AE Via
    AE Via at |

    Max, are you causing trouble again?? LOL. Oh babe, I just wanted to say I love the post, I really loved the book, I thought it was sexy, intimate, lovable, and broke all the rules. Classic Max. Don’t ever change, love. Another wonderful read from you. Love you to death.
    A.E. Via

    Reply
  68. Lauren Marks
    Lauren Marks at |

    This month I am making a donation to the following four research groups: MS, breast cancer, HIV/AIDs and prostate cancer. This money was my book budget.

    I cannot support this genre at the moment. I have never had so much hate filled rubbish flung at me. Hopefully my money can do some good, because I can’t use it to fund such hate and meanness. Opinions are one thing- this is not it.

    In my opinion we have become what we claim to hate. We are the bullies, we are narrow minded, we are denying the freedom of opinions and ideas. We have become bigots.

    I am not innocent, I responded to hate with hate. And I am angry at myself for it. Maybe in December I will feel differently, but right now I am sad and disappointed.

    I am sorry to the authors who have done the right thing. But the insult to a very dear friend who is also a wonderful man is just too much. I am going to do as Max always encourages and that is, get up and do something positive for someone else.

    Reply
  69. Mary PW
    Mary PW at |

    I have come to rely on this community and just watched some people I respect do something that we have all decried at one time or another. I do not say that I agree with what everyone has said, even what Max posted, but his right to say it and the right of those who objected to the content of what he said I will defend till my dying breath.
    It takes all types to to make the world a place worth living in and respect for each other should always be foremost in our minds when writing posts, replies, reviews. There is always a way to get our point across without personally attacking each other and our livelyhoods. Yes we all have different needs, humour, outlook and opinions, we also have different baggage and perceptions, the thing that lifts us up from trollworthy is the ability to understand that we are not being vilified personally and, if we are, that is telling us more about the person attacking than the person being attacked.

    Reply
  70. Debbie
    Debbie at |

    Yes very disheartening to note that the ‘BASHEE’ has now become the ultimate ‘BASHER’!

    Reply
  71. Carole-Ann
    Carole-Ann at |

    Um…only ‘known’ Max for a couple of months via FB; read a couple of his early stories…and totally ‘hooted’ with laughter through this/his post!

    OK, I’m coming to this late, after reading Max’s intentions of ‘retiring’ today on his blog post – but I can totally understand why. He has a basic satiric/sarcastic view in most things, and if peeps can’t SEE that, then I’m sorry for them. Yes, his humour is edgy; but it’s honest tongue-in-cheek. And FFS, you US ppl DEMAND Freedom of Speech in all things.

    So here’s my bit of Freedom: if your humour doesn’t gel with Max’s, then: So what? If you disagree with his (funny) way of saying things: then, So what? If you (mistakenly) think/presume he is attacking women’s femininity: then, So what? LOADS OF OTHER PEOPLE DO IT ALL THE TIME! So what??

    We’re all human; we all have different views and opinions; we may not always agree; BUT: So what??

    And, stating here, right now – if you don’t like my opinion – SO WHAT??

    (and against my better judgment, I’m using my REAL name) 🙂

    Reply
    1. Nic
      Nic at |

      Here’s an impromptu civics lesson from one of us “US people” — freedom of speech works both ways.

      Reply
  72. Fiona
    Fiona at |

    Goodness me people are so touchy. I really enjoyed Max’s post and look at the response; fabulous… Free speech is a wonderful privilege but you don’t have to agree with it… Lol: fell in love with my hubby 31 years ago INSTANTLY!

    Reply
  73. anonauthor
    anonauthor at |

    For what it’s worth, I just wanted to thank this blogger for allowing this discussion and for not censoring anyone who commented. This kind of free speech is important and blogs like this are important to free speech. I tried commenting on another blog with civility and I was called names, insulted as a gay man, and then completely censored. Then the blogger went to Facebook and twisted the entire story, after I was censored and my free speech was taken away. Thank you for allowing us all a voice here on this blog.

    Reply
    1. Danielle
      Danielle at |

      Thank you so much for saying that , Thank you really …

      Reply
  74. What’s In A Name? | GayListBookReviews

    […] first glance things move quickly between Jimmy and Guy. It reminded me of a Max Vos blog post I read a several months ago. Max talked about the fact that men tend to be simpler in their needs […]

  75. Martin
    Martin at |

    I just read ‘Going Home’. It’s great erotic fiction, not really a romance gem, though. I believe the much discussed matter of ‘instalove’ is what I didn’t like too much about it. Whether it exists in real life or not, it’s just not a rewarding reading experience. But since I clearly see this book as erotic fiction (in the style of the dad/son comic strips by Josman) it’s not a big problem.

    Oh, and needless to say, as a gay man, I feel offended by Mr Vos’ original post. He shouldn’t generalize his views as a truth for all gay men, whether it’s satirical or not.

    Reply

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