A Weekend Unbound by S. Dora and A. Moore Blog Tour
An outsider’s thoughts on women and BDSM
By S. Dora
Any reader of romantic erotica who isn’t hiding under a very big stone, probably has noticed that BDSM is something of a thing among women lately.
I met my first group of women into S&M more than thirty years ago, when I took my baby steps into the big gay world as a not yet eighteen year old. They were simply part of the complex and variant group of people who, for all kinds of reasons, didn’t fit into the straitjacket of what society considered acceptable sexual behaviour. S&M was not my thing, but it was very hard to feel shocked by people who were, for the most part, friendly and willing to explain things to a non-judgemental outsider.
Small groups of like-minded souls met in whatever space was available to exchange stories, personal experiences, tips about how to make DIY toys, because store bought material was so bloody expensive. It was an excellent way to warn others for dangerous doms (and I don’t mean that in a fun way) and to find potential partners in a safe environment.
Things have changed, and how. The internet, and especially the introduction of e-books, made it possible to spread ideas and reading material in a (near) anonymous setting. Women soon enough found out that an e-reader is perfect for erotic books without anyone seeing what you’re reading. Soon enough writers discovered there’s a market with a wide variety of tastes with readers willing and able to buy their favourite fantasy material.
BDSM, either in the m/f or m/m variant, is perhaps one of the sub-genres attracting the most attention. What, housewives with three kids fantasizing about being spanked by a strong alpha male? And that’s only the beginning? Some women not only love to read about it, but they actually want to try it out for themselves?
And why not? If two adults have discovered a fun way to enrich their bedroom activities, then all the more power to them.
That doesn’t mean one can’t have some critical questions. The technical part is relatively easy to take care of. Find reliable information about how to bind a person, and how to wield all those lovely instruments and toys without landing your beloved sub or slave in hospital, and you’re good to go.
In my limited opinion as an outsider, the physical element is not where the biggest risk lies for women into forms of BDSM, unless they fall into the hands of a man who enjoys handing out punishment just a bit too much or who has trouble understanding the concept of the safe-word, and then it’s called abuse.
Even thirty years ago, I couldn’t help but notice that the number of dominant men was much lower than that of submissive women. That means that good dominants are hard to find. Asking around about someone’s reputation might not be such a bad idea. If he takes affront to this, then you know he’s no good. “Don’t you trust me?” is a question I personally wouldn’t want to hear if I were interested in BDSM.
I’ve met kinky women, who were the nicest human beings you can imagine, who still thought that S&M was a good alternative for a woman who had been abused by her father for years, instead of therapy with a (open-minded) professional. I personally find that problematic, though I’m the first to admit that in a loving environment with a very attentive dominant, BDSM could be part of the healing process.
To practice any serious variant of BDSM it might be wise to be very aware of the power balance between the participants outside play. Subtle pressure is still pressure. How easy is it to refuse something to someone you’re depending on for money or anything else that is essential to you? Age, experience and bodily strength are all factors you might not want to ignore. It’s doesn’t have to mean you can’t do safe and sound BDSM and both enjoy it, but get it on the table and talk about it.
The safe-word has proven its use, but also its limits. Can you trust your partner to recognise something is wrong, even when you don’t say pink banana? Panic doesn’t necessarily happen with strong play. Sometimes it’s a simple touch, an innocent word or you have no clue what is the matter. Neither does it always make a lot of noise.
Just like you would use measures to prevent unplanned pregnancies and/or STDs as a sexually active woman, you should also be aware of the potential risks of BDSM.
Make it safe, sane and consensual and above all: have fun!
Blurb for A Weekend Unbound:
How much can a Dom ask of his submissive? And how much of himself?
For Derek and Tyler, Dominance and submission have been part of their love right from the first hello. But now Derek wants his submissive to go as deep as he is physically and emotionally able to. During two days and two nights, there are no safety words and very few limits. This is their chance to demonstrate their love for one another through the most extreme scenes they’ve ever played.
There is, however, one rule to trump all others for Tyler—to protect Sir’s most loved possession, even if it means disobedience or going against his own need to submit to his Master without question or complaint.
This weekend will open up levels of their relationship they’ve never dreamed of before.
Reader Advisory: This book contains intense BDSM scenes, strong pain-play, mild humiliation, fisting, pet-play and mild sensual torment. Please be aware of the twenty-four-seven Total Power Exchange dynamic between those two men.
About S. Dora:
S. Dora is the me writing m/m erotica, though I can imagine a m/f or f/f story might suddenly decide they want to get written too, somewhere in the future. The real me is also writing: novels and stories that don’t revolve around the down and dirty. And the non-writing me? Is it interesting to know I’m a woman, born in 1961? That my wife and I celebrate our 30th anniversary in October 2011? That we have two sons and five cats and live near Rotterdam? That I had a novel published in Dutch? And one in English? That Dora is because of the little mechanical typewriter I bought with money earned with my very first summer job? That I studied social history and done all kinds of jobs? I guess it actually is, if only because every story ever told is important to at least one reader.
About A. Moore:
I have been reading gay erotica for over 15 years now and I’ve been writing it for a little under ten years. I’ve always had an interest in Dominance and submission, and my writing reflects how my thinking about the scene has evolved. I live in the southern United States, an area not incredibly open to alternative lifestyles, and the internet has been my salvation. I spent about six months working on a website, designing tease and denial games, and it is still one of my biggest kinks.
S. Dora and A. Moore are also running a competition for the chance to win a $50 gift card of choice. If you are interested please comment below with your reaction to this blog along with your email! If you feel more comfortable not commenting here, please email S. directly at firstname.lastname@example.org. The winner will be generated by random.com at the end of the tour.