I never really planned on writing a memoir, at least not in the usual sense. Instead, I wanted something that felt both personal and universal—something that captured the chaos, humor, and vulnerability of my life while letting readers see themselves in the story, too. It all started out pretty simply: a conversation with a friend where we thought we might launch a podcast about our hilariously failed attempts to build a glittery fashion app empire. From the get-go, it felt wild and ridiculous—and that’s exactly what hooked me. As we kept talking, I realized these stories weren’t just funny; they actually had heart. The podcast idea fizzled, but the spark for something bigger stayed with me.
I knew I wanted the book to feel more like a weird fairytale than a standard autobiography. I wanted readers to slip into my shoes and wander around, feeling the confusion, the laughter, and the dreams as if they were their own. So I decided to tell the story through the eyes of a kid—someone who sees the world with fresh eyes and doesn’t get bogged down in the nitty-gritty details. This approach freed me up to be honest but also playful, focusing less on exact timelines and more on the emotions behind the moments. I spent hours recording conversations with a friend, then transcribing and rearranging them until I had a sprawling Google Doc full of scenes. From there, I shaped those scenes into a narrative that felt like a funhouse mirror version of my actual past.
The title came later, almost as a last-minute “aha!” moment that pulled everything together. I’m kind of obsessed with the reality TV show Survivor, and I apply to it every year, hoping to finally get on. During the pandemic, I even made it to the second round of casting, which was exciting and terrifying all at once. While filming yet another audition tape, I had this random thought: “What if I wrote a completely bonkers book about all the ways I’ve tried to achieve my dreams, including trying desperately to get on national TV to win a million dollars?” Instantly, the title popped into my head: How To Win a Million Dollars and BEEP Glitter!
That title captures the spirit of everything I wanted: it’s ambitious, a bit silly, and it hints at this larger-than-life journey. It’s about my big dreams and the strange, sparkly detours I’ve taken trying to reach them. Once I had the title, I knew I finally had a clear thread to pull the whole book together.
As I dove deeper into the writing, I leaned on a few authors who really inspire me. I’m not usually into self-help books, but Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic spoke to me about embracing creativity without overthinking it. Then there’s Ready Player One, which I love because it’s playful, nostalgic, and heartfelt all at once. I also admire authors like Madeline Miller and Erin Morgenstern for their ability to reimagine familiar worlds into something magical. These writers showed me that stories can be both entertaining and meaningful—that they can give readers an adventure while also making them think or feel something deeper.
Of course, it wasn’t all smooth sailing. The hardest part of writing the book was getting the beginning and the end just right. I knew I had to hook readers in the first few pages, give them a reason to trust me and my weird narrative style, and then send them off with a meaningful conclusion. Figuring out the prologue and epilogue felt like trying to solve a puzzle with invisible pieces. I had to rewrite and cut scenes I loved because they didn’t serve the bigger story. Thankfully, I had beta readers who told me where I lost them or sounded too self-indulgent, and that feedback helped me tighten everything up.
In the end, this book is something I never planned to write but ended up needing to. It’s shaped by my time in New York City, my attempts to make it in the art world, my big reality TV dreams, and the weird mishaps that somehow feel universal. By blending honest reflection with a fairytale-like approach, I ended up with a narrative that feels both deeply personal and oddly familiar. My hope is that readers will laugh, cringe, and maybe even see their own hopes and fears in these pages. If I can make them feel less alone—and maybe just a little inspired—then I’ve done my job.
My next adventure, In Over Your Head, is in some ways a continuation of my previous work, yet stands as a completely different piece altogether. It’s a collection of stories compiled from over 15 years exploring Southeast Asia, highlighting both the hilarity of learning to scuba dive and the tragedy of escaping as COVID began to close in. Written in the second person, this book aims to immerse readers so deeply that they experience every anxious, exhilarating moment as if they were living it themselves.
Thank you.
Book Title: How To Win a Million Dollars and BEEP Glitter!
Author: Luke Stoffel
Publisher: Cinderly
Cover Artist: Luke Stoffel
Release Date: February 1, 2025
Pairing: MM
Tense/POV: past tense/first person
Genres: Contemporary, Humor, Fictionalized Memoir
Tropes: Coming-of-Age, Flawed Hero, Small-Town Dreamer, Cultural Satire, Underdog Story
Themes: Coming out, Resilience, Self-Discovery, 80s Nostalgia, Hope and Optimism
Heat Rating: 2 flames
Length: 72 000 words/ 263 pages
It is standalone not a series, but it has a related book coming in 2026.
It does not end on a cliffhanger.
Buy Links – Available in Kindle Unlimited
Blurb
How to Win a Million Dollars is a madcap, self-deprecating, laugh-out-loud coming-of-age story that reads like David Sedaris meets Heartstopper, told as Ready Player One. It takes readers on an adventure through the wildly inventive, sometimes-questionable, but always entertaining schemes of a boy who would do anything to make it big.
Growing up as a gay Catholic schoolboy in a tiny Mississippi River town surrounded by cornfields, Luke’s imagination was constantly set on fire by million-dollar daydreams and DIY hustles. Whether it was hunting down the missing Cap’n Crunch or gaming McDonald’s Monopoly, no scheme was too ridiculous, no shortcut too far-fetched. With his trusty Hustler bike and a mountain of determination, Luke didn’t just dream—he plotted.
Set in the 1980s, this is the story of a kid with a knack for scamming, hustling, and occasionally crashing and burning—all in the pursuit of that elusive big win. From navigating a Catholic school playground full of bullies to trying to “make it” out of a blue-collar family, Luke was always on the move, cooking up his next big adventure. Dragging his little sister—turned faithful sidekick—into trouble at every turn, her sweet voice was always in his ear, making us wonder: is he conning her, or is she saving him from himself?
As Luke grew up, so did the schemes—transforming into a Broadway Cinderella story of sorts, ditching it all for the artist’s life in Paris, and even getting cursed by a vengeful Hawaiian god. With each crazy plan, the stakes got higher, the twists got weirder, and Luke had to ask himself the big questions: Can you beat the system, or will the system beat you? And what do you do when your dreams—and all your wildest schemes—start to crumble?
Through hilarity, heartbreak, and the relentless pursuit of the American Dream, How to Win a Million Dollars explores the glittering highs and crushing lows of chasing success in a world shaped by Reaganomics, dyslexia, and the crumbling façade of opportunity. From paperboy scams to glitter-filled art shows, this story is proof that while everything can fall apart at any moment, the journey—chaotic, messy, and wildly imperfect—is the real prize. And maybe, just maybe, there’s still a million-dollar dream out there, waiting to be won.
Chapter 1: Cereal Entrepreneur
The first time I tried to win a million dollars, it was the sweltering summer of 1985, and the Mississippi River was swollen and threatening to spill over its banks. The town was on edge, but thanks to the giant quarry wall my grandpa helped build back in the ‘50s, we were safe from the river’s fury. It was during that unforgettable summer when Cap’n Crunch went missing, and panic spread across the nation like wildfire.
Supermarkets were packed with towering displays of Cap’n Crunch, a mountain of yellow and blue boxes stretching to the ceiling. But when you looked up, there was no Captain. His jovial face had vanished, leaving behind nothing but dotted lines and a big question mark. He had disappeared, zeroed out. Zoinks! What was I to do?
The commercials made it sound so simple: find the Captain, restore him to his cereal kingdom, and win ONE MILLION DOLLARS. For a kid like me, the stakes couldn’t have been higher. A million dollars wasn’t just a number—it was a golden ticket, a way out of this tiny Mississippi River town.
Every Saturday morning, I’d sit in my parents’ living room—a shrine to America’s Bicentennial celebration. The royal blue carpet stretched wall to wall, its plush fibers worn thin in front of the TV. A deep red couch commanded the room like a throne, while gold curtains depicting Revolutionary War scenes framed the windows. It was like 1776 had crashed into 1980s suburbia, and somehow, we were still stuck suspended in between.
As my brothers and sisters tormented each other in the background, I was glued to the TV. The old box hummed as commercials blared, demanding kids like me solve the mystery, save the Captain, and claim the prize. The urgency of it all buzzed in my chest, electrifying the air around me. To a seven-year-old like me, a million dollars wasn’t just thrilling—it was everything. It meant a chance to escape this town, this life, and find something more.
In the afternoons, when the noise at home became too much, I’d head for the bluffs. The familiar path wound through tall grass that swayed gently in the breeze, the green hills rolling endlessly toward the horizon. I’d climb to my favorite perch and sit there for hours, the town spread out below me like a miniature toy train set. The limestone clock tower stood proudly at the center, surrounded by the river, the factories, and the steeples of the churches. Everything looked so small from up here, but somehow, it felt even smaller at eye level.
You see, up close, the town was just a second-rate version of Main Street USA, stripped of all the charm and magic of Disneyland. Most of the families here were like mine—working-class and stuck. I lived on the North End, what people would call the wrong side of the tracks, where factory workers like my dad scraped by.
I was a short, scrawny kid with wavy dishwater blond hair, wearing tattered dungaree shorts that were practically a second skin during the summer, their faded denim streaked with dirt and grass stains. My skin was golden tan from hours in the sun, but my legs were a patchwork of scars from chigger bites I couldn’t stop picking. Sitting cross-legged on the warm earth, absently scratching at the bites, my mind churned, methodically piecing together a plan. The Captain was missing. My ticket to freedom was hidden somewhere out there, and all I had to do was find it. Yet from this vantage point, the possibility of something greater still felt wildly out of reach. A million dollars meant escape, and as I sat on that bluff, staring out at the endless rows of cornfields, I swore to myself I was going to find it.
Each week, I’d beg my mom to let me tag along to the grocery store. Econofoods smelled like a strange mix of fresh produce and fake lemon cleaning products that clung to the air. The linoleum floors were scuffed and worn down from years of shopping carts rattling over them and the steady shuffle of feet. Jess, my five-year-old sister, was always a whirlwind of energy, darting between aisles like a tiny tornado. She had our dad’s button nose and her favorite white, frilly cotton top tucked into neatly pressed khaki shorts. Her tiny diamond stud earrings, pierced at Claire’s in the mall when she was a baby, sparkled as she twirled through the store. Her short brown pixie cut bobbed with every step, her energy infectiously lighthearted even as I plotted my next move.
Luke Stoffel (b. 1978) Growing up a gay Catholic schoolboy on the banks of the Mississippi came with its own cross to bear. Confined by the cornfields of small-town Iowa, Luke’s understanding of God and his yearning for a world beyond began to take shape—often while nursing a bloody nose on the playground. The first thing Jesus taught him was how to hate himself; but the first thing the world taught him was how vast his possibilities were.
Luke is an accomplished artist and author, with several books available on Amazon, including The Easy Bake Unicorn Cookbook, The Art of Tarot: A History and Guidebook, and his debut novel
How to Win a Million Dollars and BEEP Glitter! His second, follow-up novel, In Over Your Head, is set to release in 2026. Additionally, his art and photography are featured in his ongoing book series The Noble Path.
Stepping off the plane in Thailand was like landing on Mars. Surrounded by towering golden stupas, and realizing there was something beyond the confines of Christ, became an explosive creative catalyst. Having visited over 40 countries, Stoffel channels the diverse cultures he’s encountered into his art. His work explores spirituality in a vibrant, pop fantasy style, offering American audiences a glimpse into the world’s rich religious and cultural tapestries.
Recognized as one of NYC’s top LGBTQ+ artists by GLAAD he has been showcased by prestigious organizations like the American Foundation for AIDS Research, and the Matthew Shepard foundation. His art and photography have appeared on Bravo’s Million Dollar Listing, in the New York Times, Huffington Post, AM New York, Hawaiian Airlines Magazines, and on the cover of Next Magazine. His artistic contributions have earned him the Starving Artist Award, along with a commission for Ralph Lauren’s daughter. His art has graced iconic New York venues like the Puck Building, The Art Directors Club, The Prince George Gallery, GalleryBar, and New World Stages.
Author Links
Blog/Website | Facebook | Instagram
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