Reviewed by Taylin
TITLE: (Self Proclaimed) Menace To Society
SERIES: Primordial Ruins #1
AUTHOR: Merry Knightly
PUBLISHER: Merry Knightly Publishing
LENGTH: 286 Pages
RELEASE DATE: August 26, 2023
BLURB:
“So this is the Young Demon Lord…”
“…Wait, really?”
The Young Demon Lord and heir to the guild of Eternal Night, Reece Grimsor, is rumored to be ruthless, lecherous, and blackhearted.
Ruthless… But Vere just saw him saving people.
Lecherous… The faintest flirtation leaves him flustered.
Blackhearted… His 200 lb. hellhound won’t stop licking his face so he can monologue.
This is the person spreading turmoil throughout the land?
REVIEW:
During an excursion to rid the borders of hellhounds, Divinity Mage Guild Disciple, Vere, encounters Eternal Night’s Young Demon Lord, Reece Grimsor. When a God provides a spell and a Prince deems Eternal Night enemies, Vere finds himself deep within the Demon Lord’s camp, having thoughts that cause a blush.
Self-Proclaimed Menace to Society is the opening tale in the series, Primordial Ruins, from first-time author Merry Knightly. While the story arc holds much promise, the narrative falls to some rookie mistakes, hence the mediocre rating.
The story is told in the third person from multiple viewpoints – and this is the first in a list of erroneous technicalities. While telling a tale in the third person essentially means ‘all viewpoints can be seen’, it is still advisable to stick to, ideally, two or three at most. Knowing what everyone thinks robs the reader and author of possible suspense opportunities. Secondly, head hopping – frequently changing the voice from one paragraph to another only added confusion. Stick to one viewpoint for a while before swapping. Thirdly, information dumping – when creating a new universe, giving a person’s full background upon first meeting is what happens here. Most of the time, less is more. Invariably, information dumps provide more details than needed and are hard to digest. When one knows everything about a character, the thirst for knowledge ceases alongside interest. There are also large sections of dialogue with no descriptions to say who is talking or how, e.g., teasingly, with a yawn.
Nevertheless, the author has an imagination for a story, which cannot be taught – technicalities can. It is a steep learning curve but a worthwhile one.
Anyhoo, back to the story.
Vere and Reece are the main protagonists. They have interesting personalities with hidden depths that are somewhat overshadowed by the volume of other characters who take the focus away from them. Also, I loved the hellhounds.
A good first effort, with an entertaining tale of magic, flirting, battles, and subterfuge. But it succumbed to the pitfalls of rookie storytelling mistakes. A book or two written with the nurturing aid of a brutal pre-reader and a good editor would significantly improve the writing knowledge and performance of this promising author.
RATING: 
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