Reviewed by Sadonna
TITLE: If Only He Knew
AUTHOR: Kelsey Hodge
PUBLISHER: Self-published
LENGTH: 331 pages
RELEASE DATE: January 31, 2023
BLURB:
Addy
I have been in love with Beau since I was sixteen. The trouble is, Beau is my best friend and straight. Finally, I’ve decided to move on. I can no longer pine for someone who is never going to love me back. But why is he suddenly acting so strange? Then, something happens one night that changes everything.
Do I have the strength to tell him how I feel and risk losing his friendship forever?
Beau
Addy is my best friend. I’ve been in love with him for as long as I can remember, but Addy thinks I’m straight. For years I’ve been living a lie, too scared to tell him the truth. Too frightened that once I’ve told him, I’ll lose him forever. Yet now I find myself at a crossroads.
Do I stay and fight, tell him the truth, or finally let him go?
REVIEW:
Addy and Beau have been besties since they were kids. Addy knew he was gay and shared that with Beau early on. Beau didn’t care. Because he was Beau’s friend and Beau was a popular jock at school, nobody ever gave Addy too much trouble. The end up at college together too.
Beau is a popular guy at school. He looks out of Addy and make sure nobody gives him a hard time. He gets a scholarship to play football at a college not too far away from the small town of Madison Springs where they live and Addy ends up there too.
Beau gets hurt and Addy is right there making sure he that he has someone to look after him after surgery. His football career is over and the college makes sure he keeps his scholarship (this rarely happens BTW). He switches paths and decides to be an auto mechanic. He’s able to open his own garage back in Madison Springs after he finishes his apprenticeship. This world out great because Addy moves back and opens a coffee house in town also. it has a two bedroom apartment above it where the guys live.
Addy has secretly been in love with his straight best friend since they were teenagers. Little does he know that Beau is keeping a big secret from him too – that he’s in love with Addy too. When a new guy moves to down and Addy might be interested, things go off the rails. Beau is jealous. Addy is angry. They avoid each other and it’s all a bit much. The only way to resolve this is for somebody to be brave and tell the truth. Because it seems everyone else in town has figured out that these two are a couple. They are the last to know.
Oh my. Where to begin. These guys were supposed to be near 30, but they acted like teenagers – young teenagers. Their lack of communication skills are really unbelievable. How they could have been friends over more than 15 years and been this clueless and unable to express anything other than anger or jealousy just didn’t ring true. This book also really needed an American beta reader to catch the phraseology that clearly was not American. Then there is the chapter where Beau’s family name changes – from Jackson to Johnson. No clue why. And then all of the sudden Addy is calling Beau’s parents by their first names when clearly days before, they were Mr. and Mrs. Jackson/Johnson. Not sure if this was just a miss in the ARC but there were too many editing/continuity issues that threw me out of the story too many times.
The story is told from both MC’s POV and therefore we get every single scene from both perspectives. This really really slowed down the pacing of the story. Addy’s homophobic family were caricatures rather than characters. Yes religious bigotry is a thing here, but the family dynamic just didn’t ring true. It also didn’t seem believable that Addy would continue to go to silent dinners – not when he had people who did care about him. I did love the ladies who came to the coffee shop to do crafts and gossip. I also liked Justin a lot. He seemed like a normal guy and didn’t plan to get in anybody’s business. Jamie was also a well-written character. Unfortunately this was a case where I liked the supporting cast more than the MCs. The fact that they were both in love with each other for over a decade but couldn’t figure out how to talk to each other got really repetitive. I didn’t connect with the characters and I couldn’t believe their story. There were just too many problematic things and I can’t recommend this one. As usual YMMV.
RATING: 
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