Reviewed by Valerie 

TITLE:  Still Beating

SERIES:  Lost Boys #2.5

AUTHOR:   Jessie Walker

PUBLISHER:   Self-Published

LENGTH:  129 pages

RELEASE DATE:  November 7, 2022

BLURB:   

THE END WAS JUST THE BEGINNING…

I thought I was strong enough to say goodbye.
I thought I was ready to leave him.
It doesn’t matter that I’ll be seeing him in three days.
I just have to get through three more nights.
I’m dying now. Shattering. Breaking.
I’m determined to show him I can manage on my own.
What if he needs me?
I need him…
What if he doesn’t?
…but I want to be better for him.
What if this time I need him?
I want to be strong without him.

REVIEW:   

“I love you,” I tell him, instead of what I want to say. I’m not fine, Way. I’m not fucking fine, and neither are you, and this, right now, saying goodbye to you, knowing just how not fine you are, but not being able to see you, kiss you, touch you, and breathe you in… It’s straight up agony. 

Where there’s a Will, there’s a Way… except when Jessie Walker brutalizes us by separating her boys – our boys – on opposite sides of the country. Still Beating might be the best book surprise ever simply because it brings us more Will and Way in any form. I will never get enough of these beautiful, damaged, destined-for-each-other boys, or enough of Jessie’s extraordinary writing. I might be slightly obsessed, given that when I type “Will” into my tablet, it auto-fills “Way”. This couple and the Lost Boys books are at the top of the list of my favorites of the thousands of MM books I’ve read, so when I hear their story is continuing, it’s like ten years of Christmas and birthday gifts all at once. 

Since Still Beating directly follows If There’s a Way, I’d like to take a moment to step back to that book and emphasize the profound significance the words “still beating” are to Will and Way. Through all the excruciating anguish, all Will asked of Way was to keep his heart beating. Whether it was a quick text message or a hastily scribbled message on a scrap of paper, those two words from Way kept will going each day. I don’t ordinarily include a quote from a previous book, but it gives context to the title: 

A text message appears on my lock screen. Just two measly words: Still beating. 
A choked noise punches out of me—not quite a sob, not quite a laugh. I trace my thumb over the message, staring until tears blur it out. That asshole. That fucking beautiful asshole.  

Still Beating tells the story of how Will and Way cope with being apart at a time when they’re still growing and healing. The Lost Boys – Will, Mason, and Shawn – travel to Los Angeles for two months to record their first album, while Will stays back in Shiloh to run O’Learys with Ivy and Gavin. Not every day is okay for Way (sorry for the Dr. Seuss rhyming). He suffers from PTSD from when he and Will were held hostage at gunpoint by his father at the end of ITAW.  

The Lost Boys’ work in L.A. is not easy. The record label wants to make changes that would compromise who they are as a band and who Way is as an individual. He’s come so far and so much of his deeply personal music is about Will. Music saved all of them – saves them still. It drowns out the demons and gives them purpose so they won’t – can’t – sacrifice that. The record label is all about profit and whatever sells best, however, so conflict arises. 

It’s further complicated because, as recovering addicts, all three guys have to fight the pull to grab a bottle of booze or a handful of pills, risking their hard-earned sobriety. They’re all without their support systems. At home, Will helps keep the desire to drink at bay but now Way has to rely on himself. 

The time apart is creeping along slower than a comatose sloth. Way has his first PTSD-induced panic attack, his first in a year without Will next to him to talk him down, and they both feel helpless and scared. It’s not the same for Way having to be comforted over the phone, not the same without Will holding him, pressing their bodies together, holding his face in his hands, and helping him breathe.  

This book is brilliant, the writing exceptional, as always, with Jessie’s work. It’s art. It’s also painful at times but not nearly as angsty as its predecessors. The overall message is of hope and healing, of strength and a ferocious love that continues to grow stronger and more solid every day. If you’ve read the Lost Boys duet, you must read Still Beating. Thank you, Jessie, for this gift. 

RATING:

BUY LINK: 

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