Book Title: The Impossible Childhood of My Desires
Author: Rick R. Reed
Publisher: JMS Books
Cover Artist: Written Ink Designs
Release Date: September 24, 2022
Genre: Contemporary M/M Romance
Themes: Transgender Awakening and Acceptance, long-term relationship facing a challenge
Heat Rating: 2 flames
Length: 60 000 words
It is a standalone story and does not end on a cliffhanger.
Buy Links
JMS Books | Amazon US | Amazon UK
“Well, isn’t queer adulthood, if one is lucky, having the impossible childhood of your desires?”
― Joss Lake, Future Feeling
Blurb
Carl Young’s biggest secret: he’s always felt like Cara Young. Through the years, he acknowledged his authentic female self in ways he kept hidden in the shadows. The makeup, the dresses, the shoes — all of them represented his most longed-for desires and his deepest shame.
When Carl’s husband Roberto comes home early from work to discover Cara in her wig, makeup, dress, and high heels, he’s shocked. Who is this person he married decades ago? He flees, leaving their home in Chicago for the obliviousness of the sunny skies of Southern California.
Cara begins making tentative steps into a world she imagined would always remain secret. She ventures out, dressing the only way she feels whole. Publicly claiming her identity, she’s terrified, but also filled with joy when she discovers there are others like her, people who will welcome her with open arms and support.
But for both Roberto and Cara, their long-term and love-filled marriage is now a challenge with which they both must reckon. Does her transition mean following separate paths? Or forging a new one … together?
It was all she could do to pour herself a glass of wine, plop down on the couch, and lift the remote. She used the voice search feature to find one of her all-time favorite movies, Cinema Paradiso. She’d seen the film probably a dozen times, but it never failed to comfort her and to deeply touch her. Its message of the healing power of escape wasn’t lost on her.
The film was available on Apple TV. She paid for the rental and leaned back to enjoy. She pulled a throw over her legs.
“Oh, I adore this part,” her mother said.
She was next to Cara on the couch. Cara didn’t dare look over because she was afraid if she did, the spell would break and, like a wisp of smoke on the wind, she’d be gone.
They were watching the scene where the little boy, nicknamed Toto, was first meeting Alfredo the projectionist at the movie house the little boy has taken such an abiding interest in.
“That little guy reminds me of you.”
Okay. So a little boy reminds her of me. That’s all right because to her, I was once a little boy.
Her mom, though, continued. “It was his dark hair and his eyes that looked so much like you. But you know what? When I was pregnant, I prayed every night for a little girl. A little girl I would call Cara. Cara means beloved.
“But I didn’t get a little girl.”
Cara closed her eyes, listening to the sharp intake of breath to her right on the sofa.
A soft chuckle. “Or maybe I did. I just wasn’t smart enough to realize it.”
Cara’s eyes remained closed to stem the flood of gathering tears. In the movie, the music swelled.
“When I caught you playing dress up or with your cousin Cathy, sitting on the floor with the Barbie dolls, I may have tried to stop you, but deep in my heart, Cara, I was glad. Because there was my sweetie, the little girl I’d prayed for. I chastised you only because of your father and because of people who’d taken your quiet kind ways and your sensitivity as signs of weakness or worse, as a reason to tease and bully you.
“But you were always my darling girl. And now I know that what was true in my heart was true, period.”
Cara opened her eyes. Her sister Kay sat in the overstuffed chair by the fireplace, tears running down her cheeks. She stretched out a hand to Cara.
Cara opened her eyes again. And this time it was for real. The room was now fully dark. The TV was on the Roku home screen.
Physically, she was alone. But she knew that particular state was one she never had to be in. Like Mary Tyler Moore, Cara knew love was always around
Rick R. Reed is an award-winning and bestselling author of more than fifty works of published fiction. He is a Lambda Literary Award finalist. Entertainment Weekly has described his work as “heartrending and sensitive.” Lambda Literary has called him: “A writer that doesn’t disappoint…”
Rick lives in Palm Springs, CA, with his husband, Bruce, and their two rescue dogs, Kodi and Joaquin.
Find him at www.rickrreedreality.blogspot.com.
Email: rickrreedbooks@gmail.com
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