Shaun didn’t show up the next day at school, and Jesse wasn’t terribly surprised. He was disappointed, but he was getting used to it.

During lunch, as Jesse sat at his empty table picking at his bland turkey and mashed potatoes, Kyle slid into the seat beside him. Shaun’s seat.

“No sign of Shaun?”

“No.” Jesse glared at his food. “He’s avoiding me. He probably won’t be back until next year.”

“What did you do?” Kyle asked with a knowing smile.

Jesse bit his lip. He was so tempted to tell Kyle what had happened. Kyle was the only gay guy around, and he knew, at least in a sense, what was going on between them.

“You look just awful, honey.” Kyle put a little pout on his face to match Jesse’s. “Why don’t we slip outside for a talk?”

Jesse pushed his tray away with a deep breath and got up to follow Kyle to the exit.

As they approached the doors, the lunchroom monitor, an old, haggard woman with a permanent scowl on her face, stepped in front of their path to freedom.

“Afternoon, Margie,” Kyle said pleasantly. “Jesse’s my partner in French class. Mr. Flaherty said it was okay if we worked on our project in study hall.”

Margie hesitated, but then her scowl cracked. She smiled at Kyle like he was a dear grandson. “All right. But straight to study hall.”

“Thanks, Margie. You’re the best,” Kyle crooned. He latched onto Jesse’s forearm and yanked him into the hall.

Jesse let himself be dragged down the south hallway and out of the sights of the cafeteria monitor, but as soon as they rounded a corner, he took his arm back. “Where are we going?”

“Somewhere private.”

They passed the gym on the left. Kyle slowed as they approached the double metal doors that led to the football field.

“Those are locked,” Jesse reminded him. The chain on the door was a dead giveaway.

Kyle smiled and plucked the lock off the chain.

Jesse raised an eyebrow.

“There’s a gym class before fifth period lunch and one right after. The coach usually forgets to lock the doors,” Kyle explained. “C’mon.”

They headed outside, and Kyle led them to the bleachers on the sidelines of the football field. “Nobody will bother us up here.” He jumped up on the first row of bleachers and started toward the top. Jesse sighed, shouldered his bag, and climbed after him.

Kyle sat at the top and used the railing as a backrest. He stretched out and kicked up his feet. Jesse sat a step below him, set his bag down, and looked out into the field. He smelled fresh cut grass on an errant breeze. The lawn must have been tended recently.

Kyle pulled a hip flask from his Supreme bag. He took a swig as Jesse watched with wide eyes. “Want some?” He held it out. “To cheer you up, maybe.”

Jesse took it reluctantly. “You’re full of surprises.” He braced himself as he took a generous sip, then cringed. It was vodka. Straight.

“Indeed, I am,” Kyle said in amusement. He waved the flask away when Jesse tried to hand it back. Jesse cradled it in his lap, unsure what else to do. “Why don’t you come to my house tonight? I’m having a little party,” Kyle said with a grin. “Maybe we can put a smile on that miserable face.”

Jesse screwed and unscrewed the cap on the flask. He considered the offer, but a party with Kyle and a bunch of strangers wasn’t all that tempting. “I can’t,” he said. “I have to babysit.”

Kyle refused to be discouraged. “Bring your brother along. He’d have fun too.”

“Well, besides Sam, I have four other kids to look after,” Jesse said.

“Really?” Kyle laughed. “I guess you’ll have your hands full.”

“Yeah. Shaun was coming over almost every day to help out,” Jesse said. “I miss him.”

Kyle looked skeptical. “Aren’t you afraid?”

“Of what?”

“Well, Shaun’s a violent person… I mean, do you trust him around little kids?”

“Of course, I do!” Jesse glared at him. “Shaun would never hurt them! He’s not very patient, but he tries…” He trailed off, remembering how sweet Shaun had been with

Brian the other day playing a silly, farfetched pretend game. He smiled wistfully at the memory.

“I see how it is,” Kyle drawled. Jesse drifted back to the conversation, the sharp taste of vodka, and Kyle’s smug voice. “I was kind of joking yesterday, but you really are in love with him. Aren’t you?”

Jesse turned away as his cheeks got hot. He unscrewed the lid on the flask and took another drink as he stared out at the empty football field.

“You did the same thing I did.” Kyle smirked. “You admitted you had feelings and Shaun rejected you.”

“No,” Jesse sighed. “I wasn’t even sure I had any until a few days ago.”

“But you do love him, right?” Kyle was obsessed with that word.

“I have feelings for him,” Jesse said carefully. Which was basically the same thing. “I like being around him. He’s grumpy and unpleasant, but he’s a good guy.”

Kyle chuckled. “How sweet.”

Jesse glared at him. “What about you? Why are you so interested in what’s going on with Shaun when you aren’t even friends? You love him, too, right?”

Kyle wrinkled his nose. “I wouldn’t call what I feel for our dearest friend love.”

Jesse frowned. “Then what would you call it?”

Kyle smiled off into the distance.

“Secret feelings?” Jesse grumbled under his breath.

“Maybe once you decide to open up, I’ll be a little more forthcoming. You haven’t told me anything good yet.”

“Shaun would lose his mind if he knew we were talking about him right now,” Jesse said.

“Shaun hasn’t been to class since Friday,” Kyle scoffed. “Of course we’re talking about him.”

Jesse stood up and took his last drink of vodka then handed it over. It warmed his belly from the inside, but the taste was horrible. “I’m about to miss gym,” he muttered. “I’d better go in.”

“We could skip class for the rest of the day,” Kyle suggested as he put his flask away. “We could get high at my house. I won’t even charge you.”

While the offer was tempting, Jesse had bud at home. He didn’t need to spend any

extra time with Kyle. He shook his head.

“Well, see you around then.” Kyle waggled his fingers. “Bye, sweetie.”

Jesse descended the bleachers and headed back inside. He shuffled through the rest of school in a daze. The alcohol had been a bad choice.

Jesse went to Shaun’s house after school. He spent twenty minutes on the front porch, knocking intermittently and waiting for someone to answer. Eli’s Ford was missing, and Jesse finally gave up. He turned for home and walked through the tall grass, dragging his feet all the way.