Reviewed by Valerie

TITLE:   Halfway Down

SERIES:  The Boys of Horseshoe Lake #1

AUTHOR:  B. Ripley

PUBLISHER:  Self-Published

LENGTH:  225 pages

RELEASE DATE:  March 30, 2022

BLURB:

Alex

I don’t know how to be alive anymore.

I didn’t plan for this, didn’t ask for this, yet here I am.

Six months ago, the man I love offered me a promise I couldn’t accept. He couldn’t see the darkness inside me that had lived there since my brother’s death when we were just children. He didn’t know how broken I was, how unworthy of his love I felt. Why would he love me when my own parents couldn’t?

The day I stepped into the water was the day he learned of the monster I truly am but instead of running away Robin stayed by my side. He loves me more than I will ever deserve and I will spend the rest of my life making sure he knows how sorry I am.

I don’t know how to be alive anymore, but for him I will try.

Robin

I don’t know how to trust anymore.

I didn’t plan for this, didn’t ask for this, yet here I am.

For two years, Alex and I appeared to be on the same page, heading for a lifetime of moments together. One decision changed everything and I don’t know how to let go of the fear that lingers deep inside me. I spend my days watching him, waiting for the phone call to tell me that he’s gone again and this time he won’t be coming back.

When tragedy strikes our lives, I am terrified that this will be the moment I lose him again but I have to believe that we can make it through. I love Alex more than he thinks he deserves, but I will spend the rest of my life making sure he knows he is cherished.

I don’t know how to trust anymore, but for him I will try.

Halfway Down is a MM Romance featuring two men in love trying to survive the waves that keep crashing into their shores. Trigger warnings: suicidal ideation (intense depiction of depressive episodes), suicide attempt/death (drowning – graphic detail), traumatic childhood (kidnapping, molestation, murder – mentioned without graphic detail), the death of a character within the narrative

REVIEW:

Halfway Down is a poignant, well-crafted look at how deeply mental illness affects not just the sufferer but his loved ones as well. Author B. Ripley did a commendable job creating two courageous men and their story of love amidst their pain and suffering. Her portrayal of mental illness is respectful and accurate. She shows how neglect and tragedy shaped Alex’s life and dictated his actions decades later.

Robin and Alex were a couple for two years before Alex tried to drown himself the day after he declined Robin’s wedding proposal. Alex didn’t feel worthy and couldn’t commit to a future when he was already planning to end his life. The monster inside him that appeared after his brother’s death when they were both children grew too big and powerful to be contained. After two months in a psychiatric hospital, Alex returns home still profoundly sad, “feeling hopeful one moment and hopeless the next.” He has persistent insomnia, lying awake all night trying to psych himself up for the next day. His medication messes with his body, making sex difficult. He feels unproductive, still unworthy of Robin’s love, and hates being abnormal, as he sees himself.

Alex’s story is gut-wrenching, but my heart broke for Robin, too. He’s a patient, solid, reliable man who admits it hasn’t always been easy loving Alex over the past six months since his suicide attempt. He wants nothing more than to take away Alex’s pain and turmoil and make every day a happy one. But he’s afraid, so very afraid of losing Alex. He has an incessant need to check on Alex and make sure he’s alive. Alex hates that he causes such uncertainty and fear in Robin.

Books with themes of mental illness, like Alex’s major depressive disorder, usually explore the subject from the viewpoint of the patient. What makes this story noteworthy is the dual first-person POV which provides the reader with a vital look into Robin’s thoughts and emotions, too. Fortunately, he has a strong support system within his family but he ultimately realizes he needs to put himself first and prioritize his own mental health before he can fully help Alex heal. And Alex does heal when he’s able to empathize with what he’s put Robin through.

“Then we live in the middle…halfway down. Not at the bottom but not at the top. Where you can just be Alex as you are and I’m just Robin as I am and we don’t have to be anything but that. You can want to die in this place, but you can also want to live. You can stay here in the middle, have bad days and good days, and I will be here beside you.”

The book isn’t perfect. It began rough for me, the prose a bit purple with extended metaphors about mountains and avalanches and distracting sentences such as: “Medication was always a bit of a guessing game where I held the questions on my tongue and the answers were written on my bones in hieroglyphics.” This doesn’t carry on past the first chapter, fortunately. The story ends on a hopeful note with a lovely epilogue set six months in the future. I thoroughly enjoyed this intense, haunting novel and look forward to the next installment in the Boys of Horseshoe Lake series.

P.S.  I love the cover!

RATING: 

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