Splinters of the Heart
Alyssa Rabil
General Release Date: 16th March 2021
Word Count: 83,220
Book Length: SUPER NOVEL
Pages: 349
Genres:
CONTEMPORARY, GAY, GLBTQI, ROMANCE
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Book Description
Love finds a way.
Aaron Beaumont is a mess. Life has never been easy, so why did he think bondage would help? While he solved the problem of making some quick money, it came at a price he wasn’t willing to pay. To his great relief, he’s rescued by Silas Anderson. Silas, a doctor, takes him home and treats his physical injuries, but his gentle touch and reassurance can’t touch Aaron’s internal turmoil.
When Aaron tries to return home the next morning, the worst has come to pass. He suddenly finds himself with nowhere to go. Once again, his world collides with Silas’.
With the future uncertain, a friendship blossoms into something neither Aaron nor Silas has experienced before, and they know it’s something they may never experience again.
However, happiness is just out of reach, and before they have a happily ever after, they must face a demon from the past.
Reader advisory: This book contains scenes of verbal and physical abuse, consensual pain, parental abuse, drug use, homophobic language, mentions of anxiety, suicide and drug dealing.
Silas made chicken soup and they ate together on the couch. He turned the TV to something benign.
Aaron watched Silas from the corner of his eye and his imagination crept in, painting a picture of rainy day. Maybe that day the ex-doctor wasn’t feeling very well. Aaron thought about cooking for him, making him his mother’s chicken and dumplings soup from scratch—minus the secret ingredient. She’d died before she could tell him what it was. He’d created the recipe through memory and years of trial and error.
After years of over-salted broth, chewy dumplings, and mushy vegetables, Aaron felt confident he’d learned from his mistakes and conquered the texture. Danny always said it was good. But he had been a baby when their mom had died. He didn’t have anything to compare it to.
Robert usually wouldn’t eat it. On the rare occasion that he did, he’d give Aaron a few words of advice. ‘She’d brown the vegetables first’ or ‘she always complained about the dough being too sticky.’ Aaron had rebuilt his mother’s recipes through his own broken memories and whatever his father was willing to share. He told Danny stories and kept her alive in their house for as long as he could. She would have loved Daniel and he would have loved her.
Aaron blinked hard. The idea of crying again today made him feel sick. The idea of puking again made him feel worse.
He glanced across the couch and his imagination continued its painting. Silas would love the soup. He’d love anything Aaron cooked for him. He’d insist he didn’t need Aaron to take care of him. Aaron would insist he needed to stay wrapped up. Silas would remind him he was the doctor.
Aaron smiled at the idea of a grumpy, bed-headed, rosy-cheeked Silas arguing with him, but ultimately giving in. Aaron would help him to bed—he’d probably catch whatever Silas had and— Aaron dropped his spoon back into the bowl.
Shit.
His skin tingled and a nasty, cold feeling slithered through him and coiled in his gut. He glanced over at Silas. Yes, he was attractive. Yes, he was kind. Yes, Aaron had enjoyed kissing him earlier. Yes, Silas was the only good thing about today. Silas was the only good thing about a lot of days in recent memory.
“Are you all right?”
Apparently Aaron’s internal freak-out was not so internalized. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “Just tired.” He needed to go home. He couldn’t be gay again. Robert would take Daniel away. Robert would tell Daniel all the ways his big brother was bad and shatter the illusion of Aaron.
Silas took the bowl from his hand. “You’re trembling.” He touched two fingers to the inside of Aaron’s wrist. “And your heart rate is higher than normal.” He took Aaron’s hand into both of his. “I’m here if you want to talk about it.”
“I’ve already talked about it,” said Aaron, hoping Silas was only referring to what had happened earlier.
Can’t go home. I’m filthy. Robert will smell it on me.
“Are you ready for bed?” asked Silas. “I’m sure you’re exhausted.”
Aaron’s heart skipped a beat. They hadn’t discussed sleeping arrangements—or had they? He couldn’t remember. Did Silas want him to stay? Where would he sleep? Would Robert know that, too?
“What time is it?” asked Aaron.
“Almost midnight,” answered Silas.
If he wasn’t invited to sleep here, he’d sleep in the car. He retrieved his phone from the pocket of his borrowed sweatpants. It was the first time he’d checked his phone in hours. No messages. No missed calls.
Silas moved his hand up and rested it on Aaron’s shoulder. “You should sleep. I’ve got some pills for you to take before bed.” He gripped Aaron’s shoulder and stood.
Aaron stared at his phone. If he went missing, how long would it be before someone went looking for him.
Silas touched his shoulder again and offered a handful of various pills. Aaron took them all at once. He heard Silas sigh behind him.
“I will sleep on the couch,” said Silas. “Let me put fresh sheets on the bed, then you can rest.” Aaron closed his eyes and sank into the couch.
“I’ll sleep out here,” he said. “You’ve done enough.”
“Doctor’s orders,” said Silas. “You need to have room to stretch.” He left without giving Aaron a chance to argue.
Aaron stared at the TV, not really taking in what he was watching, until Silas returned. “There is a box of medicine and a bottle of water on the table by the bed. You’ve got two painkillers, an antibiotic and another Xanax. If you need more, let me know. I’m not keeping medication from you, but I do need to keep track of your dosages.” Silas stood in front of him with his head cocked to the side, watching.
Aaron decided to deflect. “How do you have so many pills?”
“My sister runs a pharmacy.”
Aaron raised an eyebrow. “So you’re not really supposed to have this stuff, are you?”
“Technically, no,” huffed Silas.
Aaron had hit a button that triggered something in Silas. He couldn’t help himself. For once, he wasn’t the one under the microscope. “Are you still a doctor?”
“Yes.I will always be a doctor. But if you’re asking if I have a license, then no.”
Aaron blinked, then grinned slowly. “You’ve got secrets,” he said.
“I do,” answered Silas.
Aaron got up from the couch, Silas’ coat still wrapped around him. “Ex-military, unlicensed doctor, pretty damn good with a firearm, family drug hook-up, ex-porn star and gay? Or was that part of the act?”
“Gay,” confirmed Silas.
Aaron nodded. “What other secrets you got?”
“I practice mixed martial arts and I have a brown belt.”
“What the shit, Silas? Seriously?”
“Yes. I intend to reach black belt next year.”
Aaron laughed. “Well, fuck. I asked for secrets and you didn’t disappoint.”
Silas’ lip twitched and he almost smiled. “You should rest, Aaron.”
“Is that your way telling me to stop asking stupid questions?”
“No, that’s my way of taking care of my patient,” answered Silas. He turned and headed to the bedroom, not waiting for Aaron to follow.
Aaron rolled his eyes and trailed after Silas.
His unofficial doctor turned the covers down and showed Aaron where his medicine was.
“If you can’t sleep, I have many books. The ones on the top shelf are my favorite, so obviously I recommend you start there.” He held up a small box. “This is your medication. Each slot is labeled with the name and description of the pill it contains. You should go ahead and take the antibiotic now.” He set the box down and held up a tube of something. “This is for pain relief on your buttocks.” He held up a different tube. “This is for anal tearing.”
Aaron picked up the container of pills. Sure as shit, each slot was clearly labeled and each pill had a description in case Aaron got them mixed up.
“If you wake up in pain and need help with anything, come get me, call me, shout for me. Whatever you are capable of doing.” He pointed to a small note on the table. “That’s my cell number. I’ll have my phone on and by my side all night.”
Aaron sat on the edge of the bed and smoothed his hand over the fresh white sheets. He looked up at the doctor.
Silas rubbed his neck and blushed for the second time that night. “I also have an air mattress,” he said. “I wasn’t sure how you would feel about being alone tonight. I wanted to offer you the opportunity to—um—to have company.”
“It’s your room, Silas,” said Aaron. “You don’t have to ask—”
“Yes, I do.” The blush faded quickly and Silas’ eyes turned cold. “I told you I wouldn’t hurt you. I meant that.”
Aaron broke away from the stare and glanced around the room. He jumped suddenly when he saw a red light glowing in the corner and a dark figure standing beside it. He blinked, and it was gone. He turned to Silas, who was suddenly kneeling in front of him.
“The trauma will haunt you for a while,” he said. “I wish with all that I am, that I could take that pain away. I’m sorry this is all I can offer.”
“Stay with me,” said Aaron quickly. He blurted out the words before he thought about what he was asking.
Silas nodded, then stood.
Aaron grabbed his hand. “I meant here.” He gestured to the bed. “Unless that would weird you out.”
The chill ebbed from Silas’ expression. “Not at all.” He pulled away from Aaron’s grasp and turned to his bookshelf. He pawed through several volumes before returning with a worn-out paperback.
“Jurassic Park?” asked Aaron.
“It’s a fascinating story of creation,” said Silas.
“I’m adding ‘mad scientist’ to your list of secrets,” said Aaron.
Silas’ lip twitched again. “I’m going to shower. I thought you might like a distraction while I’m gone. That’s usually the book I use to distract myself.”
“Thanks, Silas.” Aaron turned the book over in his hands. He’d clearly read it several times before. The spine was broken in multiple places where Silas must have repeatedly opened the book to a specific part. Aaron decided to start from the first crease.
Silas left and the shower turned on.
Aaron tried to engross himself in the story. Instead, he found himself searching the pages for quotes and lines, trying to figure out which parts of the book were Silas’ favorite and why.
Silas returned sometime later. His hair was wet and he was wearing pajama pants and a T-shirt. He seemed small and tired.
Aaron wanted to hold him. He shouldn’t have asked Silas to sleep here. He shouldn’t have accepted Silas’ offer to stay at the house. He shouldn’t have read between the lines of Silas’ favorite book in an attempt to decode the man. He shouldn’t care, shouldn’t want this, shouldn’t need the comfort.
“Do you need anything?” asked Silas, nodding to the table.
“No,” answered Aaron. He set the book aside and wriggled out of the coat. He hung it on the edge of the headboard and crawled under the covers.
“Lights on or off?” asked Silas.
“Off,” answered Aaron.
“The lamp beside you works,” said Silas. “If you change your mind and want a light, it will not bother me.” He flipped the switch.
Aaron watched the doctor’s silhouette approach the bed. He closed his eyes. One night. He would allow himself one night of comfort, then he’d move on.
The bed dipped as Silas moved beside him. He pulled the covers over himself, but Aaron noticed that Silas stayed above the top sheet. It created a barrier between them.
Aaron sighed. “Thanks, Silas.”
“It’s the least I can do,” he said.
Aaron rolled over, expecting to find himself facing Silas’ back. Instead he found Silas starting at him.
“Good night, Aaron.”
“Night, Silas.”
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Alyssa Rabil 
Alyssa has always had a love for fiction. She read her first romance novel from her mother’s collection. Her first love story was about a tiger that fell in love with a zebra.
Alyssa lives in a wild west with her cats. She loves cooking and writing. Follow Alyssa on Facebook and Twitter.
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