Reviewed by Valerie

TITLE:  The First Boy I Ever Kissed

AUTHOR:  Suki Fleet

PUBLISHER:  Self-Published

LENGTH:  139 pages

RELEASE DATE:  January 11, 2021

BLURB:

It’s been over two years since Tommy’s heart was broken. Two years since Kim vanished from his life without a word.

Kim was the first boy he’d ever kissed. The only person he’s been in love with. He’d thought they were starting something when he showed his feelings on prom night, and they shared their perfect messy kiss, but he’d been wrong. He never saw Kim again. Until tonight when joy riders crash into the warehouse complex where he works.

Kim’s life is a mess. For two years he’s been involved with a criminal gang, doing everything he can to protect his mum from harm. He knows he has nothing to offer. But seeing Tommy again gives him the strength to try. If only Tommy wasn’t leaving the day after tomorrow to go traveling around the world. If only tonight wasn’t all they had.

REVIEW:

Whenever I want to feel like my heart got run over by a truck – in a good way, lol – I turn to a Suki Fleet novel. She knows how to sear your soul. The First Boy I Ever Kissed didn’t let me down in this regard … consider me reduced to ashes. Rarely do I encounter books that break me like this one and like many of her other contemporary YA and NA gay romances. Ms. Fleet is adept at creating heartbreaking characters and bringing them to life. Tommy and Kim are no different; the depth of their pain is breathtaking. Their young, tragic lives have been built upon an amalgamation of hopelessness, despair, loneliness, and longing.

Neither Tommy not Kim had the best of childhoods. They both grew up without the nurturing every child needs. Tommy spent his life in a kids’ home, not neglected or abused, but probably not embraced by love, either. Kim had no family other than his mother who suffered from an awful combination of bipolar disorder and dementia. He had to care for her by himself, except for when she was institutionalized, and then he was alone.

The boys meet when they are fifteen, at the skate park where Tommy rides his BMX bike. For a year and a half they dance around each other in an “on-off intense and confusing close friendship.” Kim doesn’t hide that he’s gay, but it takes Tommy a long time to recognize his own bisexuality. Although they are both mad about each other, it isn’t until their prom that they admit their feelings for and share their first, magical kiss. The next day, Tommy – full of hope for the future – finds that Kim has disappeared. He doesn’t know if Kim hates him or was hurt; it isn’t until days later he learns from Kim’s neighbor that Kim has moved away without a word, and took Tommy’s broken heart with him.

Fast forward two years. Kim has been living a life of crime against his will after having threats made against his mother and Tommy. During the course of his criminal activities one night, Kim and Tommy meet again. Both are stunned. But timing is not on their side and it looks like their reunion will be short lived: Tommy is leaving in two days to travel the world cheaply for a year or more on his own, and Kim will be forced back into his mysterious and dangerous life of crime. The despair is tangible when after spending only a few hours together, they’re going to be pulled apart again – maybe forever.

Tommy and Kim are sad, lovely characters. Poor Kim is in such dire straits, being violently abused (very little on page) among other things; Tommy knows the boy he loves is in trouble and feels very protective. Both are lost, so desperately alone, and so vulnerable. It’s this vulnerability that makes the boys – and the book – so beautiful. Their reunion brought me to tears.

There are numerous secondary characters, including the gang members Kim is embroiled with. They are menacing and violent, and well written to frighten the reader. Tommy has two good friends, but the most endearing side character is Kim’s former neighbor, old Mr. Graham, who doesn’t receive a lot of page time but is instrumental, nonetheless. Ms. Fleet has successfully created tension and drama surrounding Kim’s whereabouts and safety when he goes missing, and later when we learn how dangerous his situation is. Additionally, the anxiety ramps up as time ticks away before Tommy is set to leave.

As in many of Ms. Fleet’s YA/NA novels, her protagonists are immersed in their own bubble trying to survive life’s hardships while hanging onto each other. All they want in the end are normal lives: a flat together, school or a job, maybe some travel, and simply each other.

My only complaint about this book is that it’s a novella. Even though it’s short, it’s a complete and gratifying story, but I could’ve withstood the tortuous angst for another one or two hundred pages. I would’ve relished it. In my opinion, no other author in the genre does angst as well as Ms. Fleet. If you’ve enjoyed her past books, I’m certain you will love The First Boy I Ever Kissed. I also highly recommend it to readers who thrive on angst and those who swoon at young love.

RATING:

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