Reviewed by Valerie
TITLE: Without You
AUTHOR: Marley Valentine
PUBLISHER: Self-Published
LENGTH: 360 pages
RELEASE DATE: March 11, 2020
BLURB:
Tragedy brought us together, but something stronger made me want to stay.
Julian was the boy next door. My brother’s best friend, he fit with my family in ways I never could. While he and Rhett went on to play house, I left the only life I knew, desperate for a fresh start.
Until everything changed.
Heartache came along, and the aftermath of my brother’s death was here to stay. I was now face to face with Julian more than I ever wanted to be.
Being around him brought up all my insecurities, forced me to deal with hard truths, and conjured up feelings I had no business entertaining. He wasn’t the man I thought I knew. He was complex and layered, and inherently beautiful in all the ways I’d never noticed.
Not on another person. Not on another man. Not until him.
REVIEW:
“But this, with you…” He pauses, catching his breath. “My heart didn’t beat for him the way it does for you. The rush, the ferocity, the desperation to be with you—I have never felt anything with such strength and conviction, about anybody or anything.”
Without You is a poignant look at loss, love, and soulmates. It’s a beautiful hurt/comfort love story in which two men bond and fall in love over their shared grief.
The prologue opens with Deacon back in his hometown and miserable. Not only is he there for his brother Rhett’s funeral, he’s having to deal with his mother’s toxicity. He left home in Montana years ago and moved to Seattle because he needed independence, far away from his mother and her disdain for him. She makes her disappointment in him clear, and he feels like he’s never good enough. What makes the funeral even more distressing is the presence of Julian, his brother’s boyfriend of many years. Julian grew up in a foster home next door to Deacon’s family, became Rhett’s best friend, and spent most of his time at their home. He was coddled by Deacon’s mother and loved by Rhett, making Deacon jealous and saddened by the attention they bestowed upon Julian rather than him.
Before embarking on the ten hour drive back to Seattle, Deacon is asked by his mother to deliver a box left to Julian by Rhett. Deacon finds Julian curled up in bed, listless and largely unresponsive, engulfed in his grief. When he goes to leave, he hears Julian’s ragged sobs and climbs into bed to hold and comfort him.
I can’t willingly walk away from him, not while his heart is breaking. Not while his world is crumbling. Not while the sadness that echoes throughout the room mirrors the sadness that surges inside of me… he has nobody – we both have nobody.
This is a pivotal moment in the book – when Deacon feels a commonality and closeness with Julian as they both suffer.
Chapter one skips ahead to the one-year anniversary of Rhett’s death. Deacon’s mother demands his presence at a family remembrance. While back in Montana, Deacon and Julian spend time together but both are confused by feelings they are acquiring for each other. Julian has become a shell of a man during the passing year. He no longer has plans, dreams, or excitement; he lost not only the man he loved, he lost himself. Julian can’t comprehend why Deacon keeps touching him in small ways, and more importantly, he doesn’t want him to stop. Deacon is perplexed by why he no longer loathes Julian or why he’s no longer jealous. Above all, why the heck does he suddenly desire Julian when he’s never been attracted to a man before? They share a first kiss and both are surprised that Deacon is all onboard and doesn’t freak out.
It takes time for their relationship to evolve. They both continue to struggle with the raw pain from Rhett’s death. Deacon doesn’t want to be a replacement for Rhett or a consolation prize, but his feelings for Julian are the strongest he’s ever felt for anyone. Because of the sense of inadequacy his mother instilled in him, though, he’s worried that he’s not good enough for Julian. For his part, Julian feels ready to move on and have a fulfilling life beyond loneliness. Once they’re together, things get steamy, in keeping with the tone of the ultra hot cover.
Marley Valentine is a new-to-me author. I discovered Without You on a best of 2020 list so I had high hopes it would be a satisfying, pleasurable read. My hopes were exceeded. Valentine’s writing wrought deep emotions from me. It’s the ultimate dual hurt/comfort story – my favorite trope. Deacon and Julian are both in pain and comfort each other equally. There is beauty in how they draw from each other’s strength to pull themselves up and through their shared sorrow.
This is a character-driven novel; it’s Deacon and Julian’s story and the focus is fully on them with the exception of a side plot involving Deacon’s parents. Deacon’s sister, brother-in-law and their daughter, several friends, and coworkers play peripheral roles. The two leading men are multi-layered and the dual first person POV helps the reader know them more deeply.
The men have set-up a warm and gratifying life for themselves with new friends and strong ties to Deacon’s sister and her family. They have been rewarded with a hard-earned happy ending. There is no epilogue in the book, but you can sign up for the author’s newsletter and receive a bonus epilogue of about ten pages. It occurs four plus years into the future and further solidifies Deacon and Julian’s happily ever after. This heartwarming, heart-rending novel is so worth the time to read. I’ll have a book hangover from this one for sure. I highly recommend Without You.
RATING: 
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