Reviewed by Valerie

TITLE:  When You Come Back to Me

AUTHOR:  Emma Scott

SERIES:  Lost Boys

PUBLISHER:  Self-Published

LENGTH:  386 pages

RELEASE DATE:  September 27, 2020

BLURB:

At Santa Cruz Central High School, they called them the misfits, the outcasts, the weirdos. But most of us knew them as the Lost Boys…

Holden Parish survived his parents’ horrific attempts to make him “the perfect son.” After a year’s stint in a Swiss sanitarium to recover, he has vowed to never let anything–or anyone–trap him again. Brilliant but broken, he seeks refuge behind alcohol, meaningless sex, and uses his wicked sense of humor to keep people away. He only has to ride out one year in the coastal town of Santa Cruz with his aunt and uncle before he inherits his billions and can make his escape. Disappear.

Falling in love is not in the plans.

River Whitmore. Star quarterback of the Central High football team, Prom King, Mr. Popular, ladies’ man. He leads the perfect life…except it’s all a lie. His father has River’s future in the NFL all planned out, while River’s dream is to run the family business in the town that he loves. But his mother’s illness is tearing the family apart and River is becoming the glue that holds them together. How can he break his father’s heart when it’s already shattering?

River’s carefully-crafted façade explodes when he meets Holden Parish. A guy who dresses in coats and scarves year-round, drinks expensive vodka, and spends his free time breaking into houses for the fun of it. They’re complete opposites. River seeks a quiet life, away from the spotlight. Holden would rather have dental surgery than settle down.

Holden’s demons and River’s responsibilities threaten to keep them apart, while their undeniable attraction crashes them together again and again, growing into something deep and real no matter how they resist.

Until one terrible night changes everything.

REVIEW:

I swallowed hard. “Thank you for loving me when I didn’t.” 

When You Come Back to Me is an extraordinary novel featuring two broken boys, each drowning in his own form of grief and despondency, who become each other’s salvation. But love is not enough to hold River and Holden together against insurmountable obstacles. This is a gut-wrenching, heartbreaking story that left my heart in pieces on the floor. 

Holden Parish is an emotionally damaged young man who suffered unimaginable cruelty when his hateful parents sent him to an Alaskan conversion therapy camp, an experience so horrific he spent the following year in a mental hospital trying to recover. Now he’s living with his well-meaning aunt and uncle and completing his senior year of high school.  

His young life is exceptionally tragic and he’s barely hanging on. He’s a genius but Alaska killed his will to care. He’s dresses extravagantly, is driven by a chauffeur, and can’t get through the day without frequent pulls from his ever-present flask of vodka. There’s no hope for him to fit into the high school culture, even if he wanted to. Which he doesn’t. But he is lucky to find Miller and Ronan, two other Lost Boys who have their own demons to fight; they become his best friends and keep him afloat.  

When Holden spots River, the course of his life is forever altered. As the hero of the school football team, River Whitmore runs with the popular crowd and is destined for a pro-football career. Well, that’s what his dad is pressuring him for. River boxes up his own dreams and his true self to please those around him, while trying to meet the expectations of his family and peers. He’s living a lie, and with his mom ill, the pain of loss is looming. But he’s oh, so strong for holding it together for his family. Holden immediately clocks River as gay, which even River isn’t cognizant of yet, and pursues him relentlessly. Before long, River can no longer ignore the pull between them and they begin a secret love affair. 

I’d kept a mask on my face for years, but Holden had always been able to see right through it. From the very beginning. 

I stayed up until four in the morning to finish this one, and boy, was it worth it. Emma Scott has serious writing chops. She weaves a visceral and complex story that is both devastating and emotionally rewarding. She clearly put her whole heart into Holden and River. There’s nervous tension throughout, for so many reasons, not the least of which is the fear their relationship will be discovered.  

I quickly fell in love with Holden and River. I loved them individually, and as a couple they were made for each other. I wish I could pull them both into a hug and heal them. I remember how difficult it was being seventeen, and I grew up in a fairly typical household with parents and siblings who loved me. I knew nothing of the kind of pressure and trauma Holden and River experience, and yet I still struggled. I cry thinking of the inner turmoil they faced daily with the baggage they each carry.  

“You’re strong. You survived something fucking terrible but you’re still here.” Tears stung my eyes, and my voice cracked. “You’re fucking brave, Holden. You are yourself, always. I wish I were half as brave as you. But I’m going to try. Please let me try.” 

Holden was lucky to have Miller and Ronan, who are featured in books one and three of the Lost Boys series. The three books overlap, but since I read M/M exclusively, I read this as a standalone without problem. River was fortunate to have Violet for support. She is Miller’s love interest in book one. Other important side characters include River’s parents and sister, football teammates Chance and Donte, and Beatriz, the housekeeper for Holden’s aunt and uncle, who provides cherished friendship and mothering. 

I experienced a sense of déjà vu when Holden was describing his time in Alaska. It wasn’t until reading the author’s note at the end of the book that I realized Holden was in Alaska with Silas, one of the main characters in Someday, Someday, another fantastic novel from Ms. Scott – and her M/M debut. 

I shut the door feeling drunk. The best kind of drunk. River infused me in every pore, his kiss leaving me stupid with happy euphoria. Leaving me with a piece of himself so that I wasn’t alone. 

Ms. Scott rewards us with a very hard-fought, very happy ending. Holden and River work intensely, without giving up, to pull themselves up and grasp what they deserve. And, ultimately, we’re left with a message of hope and healing. When You Come Back to Me gets my highest recommendation. 

RATING: 

BUY LINK: 

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