Reviewed by Valerie

TITLE:  Love Me Whole

AUTHOR:  Nicky James

PUBLISHER:  Self-Published

LENGTH:  378 pages

RELEASE DATE:  January 12, 2018

BLURB:

One man, six identities. Can anyone love him whole?

Twenty-eight-year-old Oryn Patterson isn’t like other people. Being an extremely shy, social introvert is only part of the problem. Oryn has dissociative identity disorder. He may look like a normal man on the outside, but spend five minutes with him, and his daily struggles begin to show.

Oryn shares his life and headspace with five distinctively different alters. Reed, a protective, very straight jock. Cohen, a flamboyantly gay nineteen-year-old who is a social butterfly. Cove, a self-destructive terror, whose past haunts him. Theo, an asexual man of little emotion, whose focus is on maintaining order. And Rain, a five-year-old child whose only concern is Batman.

Vaughn Sinclair is stuck in a rut. When his job doesn’t offer the same thrill it once did, he decides it’s time to mix-up his stagnant, boring routine. Little does he know, the man he meets during an impromptu decision to return to college is anything but ordinary.

Vaughn’s heart defies logic, and he finds himself falling in love with this strange new man. But how can you love someone who isn’t always themself? It may not be easy, but Vaughn is determined to try.

REVIEW:

Because when you love someone, you don’t get to just love the good stuff and turn it off when things are difficult. It doesn’t work like that. When you fall in love, you are accepting someone wholly and completely. 

Love Me Whole is a beautiful and extraordinary book about the love that develops between two men – one with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) – and their journey of acceptance and healing. It is a story about a man with a secret – five, in fact – because Oryn has five individual personalities, or alters, living inside his mind. Vaughn’s love for Oryn is a boundless and breathtaking thing to experience as a reader. This romance is truly one of a kind and you’ll be rooting for Oryn, Vaughn, and the alters the whole way. 

Oryn meets Vaughn in a college class; they’re older students at twenty-eight and thirty-five, respectively. When Oryn is subjected to ridicule by other students, Vaughn steps in to befriend him and encourage him to work together on a class project. Shy and stuttering, Oryn tries to warn off Vaughn by disclosing his DID, but Vaughn isn’t dissuaded. In fact, he wants to know more about the fragile man, so he persists in pushing past Oryn’s palpable unease. 

While spending much time together working on their semester-long project, the men find themselves attracted to each other, but Oryn feels he’s a lost cause. Again, Vaughn is nothing if not persistent. He eventually finds himself in a relationship, not with one man, but with a complicated system of six individual personalities. They differ in age, appearance, temperament, occupation, even sexual orientation. There is Cohen, the most present alter, who is not subtle in his sexual attraction to Vaughn; Reed, who aggressively protects Oryn; Rain, an excitable five-year-old boy; Cove, the anguished, dangerous, self-harming alter who bears the burden of having endured the childhood trauma that caused the DID; and Theo, who is a father figure to Rain, and strives for peace between Cove and Oryn; if Oryn can’t learn to accept Cove as part of the system of alters, he can’t heal as a whole. 

In Oryn’s world, an alter can come forward randomly at any time without notice, sometimes triggered to protect Oryn from a real or imagined threat. And one of those perceived threats, at least to some of the alters, is Vaughn. He exhibits patience when he wants to spend time with Oryn, but frequently finds himself unexpectedly in the presence of an alter. He also tirelessly educates himself so he can be the best man he can for Oryn. 

This is not just a story of Oryn’s growth, though; the alters are very much front and center at times, so their needs must be addressed as well. Vaughn plays a significant role in facilitating this growth. His interactions with the alters vary from discomfiting to humorous, flirtatious to frightening. Through it all, Vaughn’s steadfast commitment allows Oryn to cautiously open up to him. It is this and the alters’ gradual acceptance of Vaughn that form the backbone of the novel. 

Love Me Whole is a roller coaster of emotion, at times hopeful, moving, perplexing, and frightening, but always compelling. Nicky James is at her very best here. She has clearly done extensive research; DID defies logic, but James does an admirable job of breaking down stereotypes, as well as providing the reader with accurate information on the disorder. I enjoyed reading James’ Trials of Fear series and now this book because I walk away with a greater knowledge of mental illness, a subject of great importance. 

There is a rich palette of secondary characters, including Vaughn’s best friend, Evan, who gives unconditional support to Vaughn and provides a bit of comic relief, and Vaughn’s family who struggle to understand Oryn. There is extensive character development of each alter, so varied from each other in every aspect. Ms. James perfectly portrays each complex alter. Cohen’s flirty playfulness and impishness confound Vaughn at first. He’s just twenty-one, and although he is the closest to Oryn, they are complete opposites in personality. Reed strives to keep Vaughn away with his fierce protectiveness, aggression, and threats, and more than once, thwarts Vaughn’s time with Oryn. Rain’s a darling character, and his youthful exuberance is simultaneously awkward and intriguing for Vaughn. Theo’s stoicism, caretaking, and attempted peacekeeping are helpful to Vaughn and he provides sage advice and insight. And finally, Cove, whose anger and despair are heartbreaking. He suffers the most of all the alters; his anguish is profound. 

The story is told through Vaughn’s first person POV, and as such, the narrative effectively conveys Vaughn’s kindness, frustration, and longing. Above all, we experience Vaughn’s absolute dedication to Oryn and his well-being. 

Although the story is complex because of the subject matter, the plot is simple in this character-driven novel. The many, many layers of Oryn’s character are so well-crafted on page. The book is evenly paced and never lags. The conflict runs the length of the book with the resolution gradually evolving as the book heads toward a heartfelt ending. Grab the tissues! There’s no cure, but the men work hard for their wonderful happily ever after. 

Love Me Whole receives my highest recommendation, particularly to those interested in a fascinating trek through an atypical human psyche. This is one of the best books I’ve ever read.  5+ hearts/stars. 

RATING: 

BUY LINKS: 

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