Being an author is a lonely business. This seems self evident maybe, but it’s something I didn’t think about much until I quit my day job and started working all on my own every day. It’s been almost two years now that I’ve been working from home, writing full-time, and it’s given me a lot to think about.

Lots of jobs are solitary, so what makes being an author so lonely? Most of us are introverts. One of the reasons we become so obsessed with our own made up worlds and our imaginary friends is that most of us aren’t that great at being social. Or maybe it’s just that we’re not that inclined. There are many other authors I talk to on a daily basis, many of whom I do in fact consider friends, but there’s that lingering feeling of “I’m probably bothering them when I message” or “Do I really fit in here, or are they only being polite?”.

Impostor syndrome is probably a big contributor to the problem too. Some of us *cough* me *cough* think that as long as we don’t give away too much, if we keep things surface level with other authors, they won’t be able to tell that we don’t really belong. We’re like secret agents, all doing our best to pass ourselves off as confident professionals, and we’re terrified of being found out.

It can help a lot to find a close author friend who understands those feelings, who you feel safe talking to, but that doesn’t always completely solve the problem. Social media is fantastic, but it can also amplify the problem. We see other authors being best friends, talking about things we may or may not be privy to, sharing inside jokes right under our noses and we wonder again and again if there’s a reason we’re being left out.

It’s not only other authors who can make us feel isolated much of the time either. Before I left my day job, there’s something I never noticed before…90% of adult conversation seems to be complaining about your job. When I go to lunch with my IRL friends, I nod and smile as they complain about their co-workers, their annoying boss, their schedule, their clients or customers. And, they nod and smile while I detail the latest author world drama or a particularly hurtful review. I don’t totally relate to their struggles and they’re pretty murky on what I’m talking about, and it ends with even more feelings of isolation.

Who can we talk to? Complain to? You have to be careful saying too much to another author, unless you know and trust them because god knows you could end up being the next topic of author gossip if you say the wrong thing, have the wrong opinion, complain about the wrong person. So we hold it in, and we get a little bit lonelier.

So, if you’re an author feeling a little bit lonely today. Know you’re not alone, I’m sending hugs.