Sorry about the title of the post, I’m going with innuendo and click-bait as a tactic here but I promise I’ll be talking about something really important in this month’s post, and it does relate to self-love so stay with me.

Do you feel like you haven’t stopped since 2016? Maybe even 2010? 

Around this time of year I always have a half year review at work. I sit with my manager and we go through my objectives for my job, the ones that are related to my role and my own personal objectives. It’s an opportunity to stop, reflect and reassess. Even though I hate the prep part, I always come out of these meetings very energised and ready to take on the world at work.

Do I do this in my real life? Or with my writing? 

I’ve not always done it. Let me tell you what changed.

Last Christmas my boyfriend and I lost someone important to us. For a while we had to keep going because we still had responsibilities. We were grieving and trying to support each other the best we could, considering he was working abroad at the time.

I knew we had a holiday coming up in March so we’d have time to regroup, think about work, life, and especially what we wanted our future life together to look like. 

Nothing we talked about came as a surprise. We both work hard. In addition to his job he’s been working tirelessly on our home. He put in a new kitchen, bathroom and he’s working through the rest of the rooms all on his own. I have a job I do mostly from home, which means I try to write before and after work to make the best of what would be my commuting time if I had to go into an office. I also write at the weekends and basically any time I can.

It wasn’t until we lost someone that we looked at our own lives. Yes, we have our holidays but how often do we go out for a meal? How often do we go out for a walk? See family? The answer was rarely. 

We do our best, especially to see family, but ultimately we realised we wanted to do more of those things. We wanted more balance, and especially more us.

Here are ten things we tried:

• Facetiming my parents in Portugal more. They have my old phone. My mum recently learned how to answer it and her face every time she realises that she’s answered a modern phone all by herself is priceless. 
• Facetiming my sister for a catch up and seeing the phone answered by my five-year-old niece. Catch up with niece? Awesome. Sister? Not so much. We talk more when she’s on her way to work sans child.
• Catching up on the day with the boyfriend over dinner. There’s really nothing like explaining what goes on in our world to someone outside of it to give you perspective.
• Be comfortable saying no. I’m such a yes person this is a really hard one but really important if I want to keep focused on my goals and avoid burning out.
• Plan for the days I can’t write by making it count on the days I can.
• Plan for fun. Last weekend we went away for one night. Just one night but it felt like a holiday. We went to the seaside and took a packed lunch with us and then had a swim in the hotel pool before a gorgeous three-course meal. Today, as this post goes live we’re in London for a concert and a meal his family is treating us to as a birthday gift.
• Stuff happens all the time, everywhere. I try my best to talk it through with those people who can help me keep a good perspective on things. Then I smile. Whatever happens I want to make my online presence with my readers and friends a positive experience because reading is an escape to us all.
• Read more… okay, I haven’t done much of that this year BUT I do when I know I need it. As for the rest of the time I’m creating books someone else can enjoy and that makes me happy too.
• Go for a walk after dinner. I love summer in the UK because the days are so long. We now try to go out if we can for a one hour walk. It’s a chance to talk more about our day and also about what we have coming up. 
• This last one is probably the most important one. Give yourself permission to do nothing.

Has anything changed? Yes.
Do we work less? Hell no, we work more.

So what’s the point?

Each of us will find our own way to get that balance that allows us the time we need to look after ourselves. 

We made decisions that mean we have a lot of work ahead but for every thing we achieve we’ll be closer to our dream. Along the way we’ll keep doing those ten things and make sure we look after ourselves without loosing sight of the original goal.

I’d love to hear what you do to look after yourself. Drop a comment below and let’s build a bank of self care ideas!