REVIEWED by Jen B.
TITLE: If We Could Go Back
SERIES: Camassia Cove
AUTHOR: Cara Dee
PUBLISHER: Cara Dee
LENGTH: 351 Pages
RELEASE DATE: April 29, 2019
BLURB:
My sister asked me if I could stand the sight my own reflection, if I’d caused enough damage yet, but I didn’t see myself when I looked into the mirror. I saw Kieran standing behind me, pressing a kiss to my shoulder while he undid my belt. I saw everything I wanted that I couldn’t have. Not unless I was prepared to hurt everyone around me.
Kieran was in a similar situation.
Were we monsters or men? Were they one and the same? Did we give a flying f—hell. We did care. Just not enough to stop, not enough to walk away, and I knew we constantly asked ourselves the same question because of it. If we could go back to when we met on the train…if we could erase the deceit, erase our first hello…would we?
REVIEW:
Another Cara Dee winner for me! This story really brings out the feels. What these guys go through felt so real and raw and so unbelievably easy to understand and believe what they were going through. Two men, two separate yet similar circumstances, brought together by chance with a friendship growing and turning into something so much deeper. My heart broke for each of them more than once.
Bennett (Ben) is married with two boys. He and his wife, Allison, had the kids early and somewhat by accident which put her college plans on hold. Now, she is moving forward with those plans, but unfortunately, she is doing do halfway across the country where her parents live. This has left Ben at home to basically raise the kids himself. I never liked Allison. She was extremely selfish, not putting Ben, let alone the kids, ahead of her own wants. She took every opportunity to throw Ben’s “knocking her up” in his face, and didn’t deserve, in my opinion, to have any say in their lives. The result of this, however, was that Ben was extremely lonely. After his sister encouraged him to make friends, he did so with a fellow commuter who had intrigued him from the start – Kieran.
Kieran had a totally different situation. He had a daughter, the same age as Ben’s youngest. He was gay, which his wife knew from the start, but he was deeply closeted for fear of losing his family. She was basically living in her own world where she turned a blind eye to anything outside of her happy bubble. Having suppressed his feelings for so many years, it was taking its toll, and he was very lonely and unhappy as well.
Yes, these guys cheat on their wives. But, you know what? It happens, a lot. And in these circumstances, it was extremely understandable, even if it was wrong. But, they understand it is wrong, discuss it and don’t make excuses for it. Again, it is so understandable in this situation, and Ms. Dee has a way of making you feel the guilt and the hopelessness of their situation and the peace they feel together that enables them to be better parents to their children in the present. The kids were the bright spots and focus in their lives, another thing they had in common. The wives were the negatives for me in this story. Allison needed to pull up her big girl panties and take some responsibility for her actions, though I was happy to see her actions had repercussions with how her children felt and interacted with her. Kieran’s wife, on the other hand, was a great friend, until she had to actually put someone else’s feelings ahead of her own.
But, while this was not an easy road for these guys, the pain and struggle is worth it in the end. The story spans five years showing them growing closer, finding solace, dealing with the guilt, their marriages and making changes in their lives that enable them to eventually find happiness and love. Highly recommend!
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