Reviewed by Annika
TITLE: Love Me Whole 
AUTHOR: Nicky James
NARRATOR: Adam Gold
PUBLISHER: Self-Published
RELEASE DATE: February 15, 2019
LENGTH: 13 hours, 27 minutes
BLURB:
Twenty-eight-year-old Oryn Patterson isn’t like other people. Being an extremely shy, social introvert is only part of the problem. Oryn has dissociative identity disorder. He may look like a normal man on the outside, but spend five minutes with him, and his daily struggles begin to show.
Oryn shares his life and headspace with five distinctively different alters. Reed, a protective, very straight jock. Cohen, a flamboyantly gay nineteen-year-old who is a social butterfly. Cove, a self-destructive terror, whose past haunts him. Theo, an asexual man of little emotion, whose focus is on maintaining order. And Rain, a five-year-old child whose only concern is Batman.
Vaughn Sinclair is stuck in a rut. When his job doesn’t offer the same thrill it once did, he decides it’s time to mix-up his stagnant, boring routine. Little does he know, the man he meets during an impromptu decision to return to college is anything but ordinary.
Vaughn’s heart defies logic, and he finds himself falling in love with this strange new man. But how can you love someone who isn’t always themself? It may not be easy, but Vaughn is determined to try.
REVIEW:
Wow… just wow…
How in the world am I going to write anything about this book that will even come close to describing how wonderful it was? I haven’t the faintest idea. I’m kind of speechless right now, even a couple of days after finishing it. I’m so filled with love for these guys. Love Me Whole is one of the most beautiful love stores I’ve ever had the pleasure to read or listen to. I love the uniqueness of it. The emotions it evoked in me. I’m sorry that I’m rambling, but this book….well… this book…
The plot might seem like a simple one; boy meets boy in a marketing class at college (Vaughn and Oryn). Or I guess I should say men as they were 28 and 35 when they first met…. Anyway they get to know each other, fall for each other, overcome a few hurdles and then live happily ever after. This book is so much more than that. It is all about the journey. Accepting the differences in people, each other’s scars, looking beyond the surface and know the true person underneath. But also accepting one self and knowing that you are worth to be loved, to have happiness, friends – a family.
Oryn isn’t like other people. He is really shy, stutters at occasion and in general keeps to himself. However, Oryn isn’t only Oryn. He’s also Reed, Cohen, Theo, Cove and Rain. He’s all of them, and all of them are him, his system, his alters. They are his way of coping with life. He developed DID – Dissociative Identity Disorder due to childhood trauma Oryn. Reed is the protector and fronts whenever Oryn feels threatened or scared, he’s a few years older than Oryn and also straight. Cohen is the social butterfly, the flirt, the twink. He’s 19 and out and loud and proud and typically fronts in social or intimate situations. Theo, asexual, is the organiser in the bunch and in general tries to keep everyone on track. He’s also a great cook. Then there is Rain, the five year old boy obsessed with all things Batman. Lastly there is Cove. He is self-destructive, self-loathing and in so much pain. He alone carries the memories what happened during their childhood. Oryn is scared of Cove, at war with him and it causes dissonance in the system.
As an outsider looking in, this all fascinates me. It’s not something I’ve come across before in books or real life. In some movies sure, but let’s agree on throwing those out. I can’t speak to the accuracy of it, but the way James portrayed DID felt real, and after this book I can only say that I have the deepest respect for everyone living with DID, in person and as a loved one.
This book is character driven and told solely from Vaughn’s point of view, we see though his eyes, hear his thoughts and share his feelings. However the book is also mostly focused on Oryn and all of his alters, getting to know them, their personalities, triggers, wants and needs. But also navigating what it meant to be in a relationship with someone with DID. I had so many emotions while listening. I was teary eyed for every step forward Vaughn and Oryn (and all of his alters) took. Each hurdle they overcame. Sure there were set-backs, but they fit. I loved it, I loved it all and was so engrossed in this story that I just had to listen to it all in one go. However, now, after finishing I’m also left thinking “what about Vaughn?” Like his best friend Evan said, he also needed some time to focus on himself and not only living for Oryn and his alters.
Something struck a chord with me while listening and it was a conversation between Vaughn and Reed, the first time they really talked. Where Reed, was checking out a woman in the bar and Vaughn was getting a bit jealous. Reed shared that Oryn was the only one that was allowed to date. It made me sad in a way. I mean the alters were each their own personalities, with unique mannerisms, speech, and even different looks from Oryn. I know that they are all part of the whole, the system, but still, it made me feel for Reed, knowing what he could never have, but still seemed to want. I’m not sure how that would work and I know that it’s up to the individuals in a DID relationship to set up limits. But it’s something that got to me all the same.
Adam Gold was outstanding narrating this book. He captured Oryn and all his alters just perfectly in regards to different speech patterns, voices and personalities. I loved Rain, his eagerness and exuberance truly shone through. As did Reeds protectiveness of Oryn. And Cove… the pain he felt was there in every word. And they hurt. They hurt a lot. Gold captured it all and really highlighted all of the emotions and brought you into the world, sharing it with Vaugn and Oryn and everyone else.
I’m so glad to have had the privilege to listen to this book. If you haven’t had the pleasure yet, please do pick this book up, you won’t regret it. It’s a beautiful tale that highlights that love is for everyone willing to take the chance.
RATING: 
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