So… this might come off as a bit of a disjointed ramble. Hey, I’m on drugs, so I’m entitled. Why? I managed to not only sprain my foot, but broke it too. I’m talented like that, so I’m taking some mild pain killers, which kinda knock me on my butt.

Anyway, here we go…

I love DIY shows. You know the kind where they show all kinds of home improvement. I was recently watching this one show that takes homeowners and pits them against another couple doing something on their house. This time, they were working on these houses that weren’t their own, but fixing them up to sell. The prize was a dollar amount I think.

They introduced the competitors and one couple happened to be two gay married men. I thought that was very cool. To be honest, I’m still trying to wrap my head around gay marriage. It’s just something I’d never thought I would see in my lifetime. Anyway, the woman looked at her husband and said, “Crap, we don’t stand a chance.”

I completely busted up. That was pretty stereotypical, but in a lot of ways, it is true. Now not all gay men are gifted with the natural instincts of interior design. I have a friend, Alan, who can’t pick a color to save his life. Every place he’s ever lived has been white. “There are multiple shades of white and everything matches!” I guess that is why the man, even at his age, still only has his Princess card, never to be a card carrying, full-fledged, Queen.

Oh, and the result of that show? Ha, the gay guys totally aced it. They kicked butt, so the woman was correct this time. These two gay guys did it all, and it really was quite amazing.

Factoid: In Ancient Greece gay men were thought to be the sons of the Gods. They had both maternal and paternal attributes. Gay men were often employed as nannies. (Yeah, not a job for me.)

What else…

Oh, recently someone sent me a link to an article about bears. No, not the wild type, runnin’ on all fours, growling and shitting in the woods type bears. I’m talking about the gay male bear. Not familiar? Basically it means hairy men. A subculture within the gay culture, if that makes sense.

There are some who are particularly drawn to male body hair, and yes, that includes straight women. I worked with one woman who only date men who reminded her of a “shag rug”. She was a hoot. The hirsute. If you don’t know by now, I also prefer hairy guys. It’s just my thing. Always has been.

Where was I?…

Oh yeah, the link I was sent. Years ago, back in the early 1990’s, the Bear Movement was born. It was about men who were not so concerned about their weight, or their body hair. Most of them had beards, a little bit of belly and refused to try to conform themselves to the new look that most gay men were supposed to adhere to… the twink look. Hairless, a six pack and perfect bodies. You know the ones.

This article basically said they were more confident and had better body self-esteem. They were happy with their bodies and didn’t really care about what others thought. If they were interested in you, you damn well knew it. They were into slut-shamming, which is really become a major issue of late. And the bear community valued the older man. Yup, it seems like Utopia, right?

Uhhh, not so fast there bucko!…

All is not what it seems. Of course there are going to those within a group who do have bad self-body image. Those men who don’t feel comfortable in being covered in man-fur. Sound familiar? Sounds like quite a few people if you ask me. So, what’s up with this article?

Now, I will say that most of the Bear community do fairly well in being well adjusted and have become, over time, more comfortable in their own skin. For the most part, this article was correct. But again, like when talking about a whole group of people, not all are going to fall under that wide umbrella.

Eating disorders are rampant within the gay male population. Gay men have been waxing themselves into a stupor, hitting the gym like madmen trying to obtain that ‘look’. Healthy, muscled, smooth… homogenized. The pose, they preen, they are constantly checking to see who is looking at them and then they are looking at themselves just as much. Not my type at all. Pretty to look at sometimes, admire the effort, but… just no.

I’m sure that women out there can relate to that kind of pressure. Magazine, TV, film and basically everywhere you look, there are those perfect bodies, the perfect hair, the perfect…look. I know gay men have been dealing with this for decades now. It is almost at epidemic proportions!

Now I know that we all want to look our best. A lot of us have this image in the back of our minds of what we think we should look like. It’s human nature isn’t it? It’s a story as old as time. How realistic is it though?

Let me speak for myself…

I do have a certain type of man that I’m attracted to. I know exactly what is going to rev my motor. And there is the type that I’d feel comfortable approaching. If you gave me the perfect looking man, put him right in front of me and tell me to go… have fun, I’d probably not be able to. Why? Who has enough self-confidence to go and do that? I know I don’t. I’d be too afraid of rejection: of my own self-doubts. It just wouldn’t happen and highly doubt I’d have a good time.

No, give me a big hairy guy who likes to eat, have fun, laugh and enjoys life and not too perfect if at all. I like a little tummy. I like guys who aren’t counting every carb or talking about the gym all the time. A guy who doesn’t make me feel inadequate! No, I’ll take the one that doesn’t have that perfect look or six-pack abs.

So… everyone just take a deep breath and give your selves a break. If you were really that perfect, you might never find the one or people might feel too intimidated to approach you. Relish your imperfections. Go forth and laugh, love and enjoy yourself.

Have a grrreat day, y’all,

Max