TJ KLUNE HATES WOMEN
Caught your attention, didn’t it?
Yeah, it caught mine too when it was said about me.
It goes like this.
In February 2013, I released a book called Tell Me It’s Real. First and foremost, it was meant to be a romantic comedy. At that point, I’d written two angst-fests with funny moments (BOATK and Who We Are) and one book without much humor (Burn). But I liked funny, and I thought maybe I was somewhat adept at comedy, so I figured I’d try my hand at writing one.
At the same time, I wanted it to be a commentary about stereotypes, about how people aren’t always what they seem. You have the overweight sarcastic asshole in Paul. The hot jock who might not be the smartest, but certainly has a heart of gold. A best friend who hides behind his drag persona. A Homo Jock King who fucks everything that moves. I wanted to show how gay men talked, acted, interacted. I thought maybe I had a bit of experience with that seeing as how I am one. Granted, I am by no means an authoritative voice on the matter, but I wanted to write how my friends and I talked, and maybe give voice to someone who didn’t have six-pack abs or a ten-inch dick but just wanted to fall in love just like everyone else.
So I wrote it.
And it was released
And life was pretty damn good. It sold very well, so well, in fact, that after BOATK, it’s my most popular book. Was it perfect? God no. I’ll never write the perfect novel. I don’t know that I’d want to. But I thought it was good, and to date, is one of my most favorite things I’ve released.
And then something weird happened.
A small, but very vocal minority began to say the strangest thing.
TJ Klune hates women.
Now, I’ve often said that I don’t read reviews, and that remains true to this date. Reviews are for readers. The only time I read reviews is when someone sends one to me. Usually, it’s posted on my Facebook page after someone has spent the time to write it. I’ll usually read it, and say thank you for it, because it’s a nice thing they did and I really do appreciate it. 99% of the time, it’s a good review, of course, because typically you don’t see people giving authors their bad reviews. Not that I know that it matters, because everyone is entitled to like something. Everyone is entitled to dislike something. You bought my book with your money? Hey, man, it’s all good. Do with it what you will.
Except.
TJ Klune hates women.
Not only was this minority very vocal, but they had a tendency to tag me in their conversations, for what reason, I’m still not quite sure. A couple of authors sent me messages saying Wow, this is harsh L L and would link reviews where the reviewer would shred me because of my use of a single word.
Vagina.
(Why these authors felt the need to do this, I have no idea. Just one of those things, I guess.)
Let’s be real, here. A good, solid majority of my readers are women. That’s just fact. I do have a healthy male readership, but more women read romance. This isn’t a secret. Everyone knows this.
The word vagina is used in a negative light six or seven times in TMIR (that number depends upon what you consider negative.) And when I say negative, I mean things like don’t be a vagina, not I hate women because of their vaginas and everything they stand for. The book is crass and revels in it, makes fun of anything and everything, and will never be considered high literature no matter how many people read it.
Don’t be a vagina.
The problem, though, is that there was an extraordinary assumption made then. Because I made fun of that, this vocal minority decided then and there that TJ Klune hates women.
And then would tag me in their conversations, demanding I answer why I hated women so much that I would write about it like I did.
I was fascinated by this. And horrified, so completely horrified because fuck no, I don’t hate women. Whenever that stupid topic comes up about why women shouldn’t be writing MM, I’m always there, defending women and their right to write and read whatever the hell they want. The fact that there were two strong female characters in TMIR (Matty and Nana) didn’t seem to matter in any way, shape, or form. The fact that in addition to saying what I had about the off-limits V word, the book also touched upon homophobia, fat-shaming (in that the lead character is overweight and has to deal with some assholes every now and then) and the phrase “don’t be a dick.”
TJ Klune hates women.
But if that’s the case, then TJ Klune also hates overweight people, gay people, and all men everywhere because he used the word dick in a negative connotation.
(At one point, Paul looks for the sassy black nurse at a hospital, so I was racist too, but I’m not even going to go there today.)
These are all thoughts that went through my head while reading what this vocal minority was saying about me.
But I never said a thing to them, never responded to any of the messages or the posts I was tagged in. Not because I was ashamed of what I’d written or felt badly for it (because I’m not and I don’t), but because if there is one thing you cannot do as an author, it is engage when people are talking shit about you or your books. Even if they are so off base, even if they are saying the absolute worst possible thing about you, do. Not. Engage.
It’s a problem I’m seeing more and more lately. Newbie authors (or, strangely enough, established authors) gushing about how excited they are for their first book (or their tenth or whatever), getting a bad review, then talking shit.
Authors. Talking shit. About readers. In a public space.
Is it warranted, what these authors are saying about readers?
Probably not. But even if it was, even if there was an extreme situation like mine, you can’t do that shit, man. It may seem like its burying your head in the sand, hiding out until it’s over, but that’s okay. Because the moment you engage, the moment you click on that negative review and think Well, this person missed the point I was trying to make, let me correct them (or, worse, those select few authors that seem to go batshit crazy and end up essentially killing their career—you know who I mean), is the moment that you need to stop and really think of what you’re about to do. Not everyone will like your book. Many people may not like your book. They might downright hate it. But if there is one person that does, one person that likes your words, then you’ve done your job, man. Don’t be that person that starts a flame war because you think you need to correct someone about something you wrote (or, even better, don’t write a whole book about a reviewer who didn’t like something of yours and then try and pretend you didn’t do what is pretty damn obvious you did—that’s a certain level of crazy I can’t even begin to understand.)
TJ Klune hates women.
Obviously I don’t. Those people were wrong. However, they can say whatever they want.
Authors cannot.
So I didn’t engage. Nor did I encourage anyone else to. I didn’t even mention to anyone to say something on my behalf. Because if that’s the case, I might as well just be saying something myself.
But TJ, you’re thinking, what is an author to do?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Because people will have opinions about the work you put out no matter what. And if you’re thinking that it sounds like you’re effectively neutered, that’s not too far off base. When an author writes a book, puts said book up for sale, and has people buy said book with their money/credit/whatever, the book no longer belongs to the author. It belongs to the person who bought it, and they are allowed to have whatever opinion they want, even if you think it’s the wrong one. There is nothing you can do to change reactions to your words printed on the page. And if you insist on pursuing these opinions, there’s nothing that says you can’t use legitimate criticism to make your next work better.
Were those people who got upset at TMIR wrong to be upset?
No, of course not. They are allowed to feel however they want. It is their right. They are allowed to form whatever opinion they’d like, even if I don’t agree with it.
Why am I bringing all this up now?
The sequel to TMIR, of course.
The Queen & the Homo Jock King comes out on February 29th, three years post VaginaGate.
Undoubtedly, someone will be offended.
(The fact that I am still published at all is enough to offend some people.)
I probably won’t agree with why that person is offended, but the book isn’t mine anymore.
This isn’t meant to point fingers at anyone specific, obviously. I won’t ever do that. This isn’t meant to be rah-rah Go Team TJ! I don’t look for sympathy nor am I asking for it. I’d like to think I’ve grown a thicker skin these last years since I’ve been published. In writing this, I’m hoping it causes authors to pause just for a second before they decide to respond to a bad review. Trust me, you are going to save yourself a world of hurt.
***
When TJ Klune was eight, he picked up a pen and paper and began to write his first story (which turned out to be his own sweeping epic version of the video game Super Metroid—he didn’t think the game ended very well and wanted to offer his own take on it. He never heard back from the video game company, much to his chagrin). Now, two decades later, the cast of characters in his head have only gotten louder, wondering why he has to go to work as a claims examiner for an insurance company during the day when he could just stay home and write.
“Not everyone will like your book. Many people may not like your book. They might downright hate it. But if there is one person that does, one person that likes your words, then you’ve done your job, man.” Spot friggin’ on.
Great post TJ and I’m very much looking forward to the sequel!
Thanks for the post! I think there are some people who just are not “happy” unless they have someone/something to rail & rant about. I have read some m/m romance books that I felt were misogynistic. And, unfortunately, most of those were written by women.
Looking forward to reading The Queen & the Homo Jock King! And – LOL – “VaginaGate.”
Hi TJ,
I’m about half-way through with The Lightning-Struck Heart and I LOVE it! I wish you would right another fantasy set in the same world! BTW, I loved TMIR too and I’m female.
Thanks for having the courage to keep writing no matter what life throws you.
You can’t fix stupid!
This…so much this!!!
TJ, that was brilliantly written.
I have all your books and absolutely love them (treated myself to the hardback of BOATK) I loved TMIR, looking forward to the sequel, but you can’t please everyone, just continue to be you, and write what you write, Xx
As usual, even your posts are masterpieces. You had a lot of important things to say, not to mention intelligent and helpful. There is a knee-jerk reaction to defend ourselves when attacked, justly or not. You are right that once the book or writing is bought, it has left your control. Fighting back is wasting time you could be using to write. It may hurt to be misunderstood and vilified but there are a lot of people who just miss the point or aren’t happy unless they are trying to make someone else unhappy. I love your books and continue to look for them.
Elorie
Great post! I am one of your female fans, and I can’t wait the the new book. I’ve read TMIR over and over, and I’ve never once been offended by anything said in it. I love your angsty stories, and I adore your twisted humor. Please don’t ever stop with either!
I found TJ Klune when I read ‘How to be a Normal Person’ a book which I LOVED and which is very close to my heart. It made me laugh, cry, and I became a fan of TJ. I’ve started to work my way through his back list, and I liked The Lightning Struck Heart a lot. I then downloaded TMIR, and it gave me pause. I laughed, sometimes so much that people around me showed concern, but I also hated parts of it. I didn’t particularly love all the vagina talk, and I didn’t particularly love Paul as a character. After reading older reviews from when the book was released, I can see that I’m not alone in this opinion, but I haven’t come across a review that accused the author of hating women, and my having the opinion that I didn’t like the book for various reasons, including the vagina talk, does not make me think that TJ Klune hates women either. I just didn’t particularly like this book, and won’t be re-reading it. However, I’ll be buying Sandy’s book because he was my favourite character in TMIR, and I can’t wait to see how things work out with Darren.
For the record, having these opinions doesn’t make me stupid, nor am I not “happy” unless I am finding something to be offended about. I think some people are missing the point of the post. People are allowed to have opinions even if you don’t like those opinions, just as authors are allowed to write a character anyway they please and have to accept that there are going to be some people who will not like them.
The fun thing about books is, if you don’t enjoy them, you don’t have to read them. I am a fan. I would read your shopping list if you published it. Some people just need to lighten the heck up.
Great post, As a new to being published author I’ve been grateful for posts like this one to enforce the mantra of not responding to the negative feedback one receives. Thank you for writing and sharing this! Wishing you much success on your upcoming release.
Wow! TJ you are so eloquent. I have all your books, except Burn, and I love them all. TMIR is my favorite after the Bear books. I love the crazy sometimes neurotic way some of your characters think and talk. Keep up the great work and your fans will keep buying and reading. ?
Hah! I didn’t see yours but this sort of thing has happened to me on a smaller scale from both angles. Me as misogynist and me as extreme feminist. But as far as I can tell, this happens a lot in all media. There are just some people who enjoy making a ruckus by taking things out of context. Irritating as it is, I take comfort that it’s not personal (even when they try to make it personal by accusing me rather than my characters of whatever sin is being committed.)
Great post. TMIR is one of my favorite books and I can’t wait for the 2nd book. You are an amazing author. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future….and please don’t change a thing. VaginaGate….awesome.
*raises hand* one of the minority male readers… proof that we do exist! 😀
TJ Klune does not hate women. He has, however referred to female genatalia as something distasteful
Eg, The art of breathing.
“You gigantic vagina,” Paul says. “I mean it this time!” “I’m the vagina?” Sandy retorts. “I seem to remember the only pussy in this room is you.”
“Can we please stop being big soppy vaginas and go back to being snarky assholes?”
Who we are:
“Anna,” I sigh, feeling like my penis has grown into a great gaping vagina. “Maybe you could rein it in. Just a bit? I can speak for myself, you know.”
And on and on.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan have most of his books and I find him to be one of the most entertaining writers of his genre. I just dislike it being implied that my sexual organs make me weak, distasteful, disgusting and subject to ridicule.
As a woman who enjoys your unique ability to combine romance and humor, please just keep writing. There are people who literally are only happy when they are complaining about something. Use the word. Use whatever words you want. Keep writing. I assure you, many of us will keep reading.
You definitely got people’s attention with the title of this post. As soon as you put your pen on paper, click a key, or even open your mouth, you are going to affect someone. It’s too bad the negative seems to be expressed more than the positive. The only person you have to make happy is you. Just remember, there are a lot of other people out there you are making happy at the same time. Keep up the great writing.
Well, no, as an author relying on his writing for a living he also has to please his publishers, and his readers, the majority of who are women. If he alienates a few more of them, adding to the minority he refers to, then he will soon be heading back to the job he just quit.
This post comes across as defensive and more than a little sycophantic. He claims not to believe in explaining himself or asking for support, but does it throughout in a rather manipulative way. But then I guess he does have to get those stupid bitches/vaginas/labias to buy his new book. No offense intended, because he’s gay, and that’s just how gay guys talk, right?!
Great post & sorry about your ordeal. I don’t want to tweet this article, (due to the title) because I feel like I’ll be perpetuating the nasty rumors about you.
Wow! This is too much!!!
I read five of your books and never, never feel that u hate womens or vaginas or that you are a womenphobic… Or nothing like that.
I always understand and I felt identified with at least one of the male characters.
And that is strange, cuz I’m an woman…
Sooo who cares about what the people say?
Just be YOU!!! Allways true to yourself, and, like Metallica said, nothing else matters!!
Remember we love you Tj!!
Ahhh humanity! Well put TJ. You keep doing what you’re doing, it’s obvious to me that you have no hate in your heart.
Having seen how some authors engage with those who don’t review in the way they see fit, I wouldn’t want to engage them either.
So, let me get this straight. You can say “don’t be a dick” but you can’t say “don’t be a vagina”? Weird. I as a woman am offended that these people were offended. Horribly so. You just keep doin your thing darlin. Oops that might offend someone too. Well dang….?
Really? I have read tons of mm books. Most of which are written by women, and I have read every crass joke that can be made with the word “dick” in it. Or about a dick. And book titles that literally make gay sex out to be a joke, and someone has the nerve to get pissed off at a few offhand remarks about vagina? People, get a grip.
Yeah. Eyeroll. Gotta hate those bitchy feminists. They make something out of nothing.
You’re not getting it. It’s a question of respect. You can use these words, they’re legal. Except you’re disrespecting 50% of the population when you regard them as a word meaning something negative. Being called a dick is a mild insult. It means someone’s cocky or arrogant. Being called a pussy or cunt is more offensive because women have less power, it means someone is weak, ineffective, to be used. This is “owned” by the male sex, and is meant to bring down others to “man up” because a man being feminine is unacceptable, women are a lesser person. Using these terms in a negative way supports that way of thinking and negates woman. The N word can be looked at As a simple benign word if you don’t look at what the word means historically and that it actually is A slur to those wishing to tell someone they’re racially inferior.
But if your not going to get it my words here are useless.
What a well-written post, TJ! As a woman who reads romance (much of it MM), I have to say that TMIR is a novel I’ve reread several times. I think the hippopotamus scene will stay with me forever.
I don’t necessarily like it when “vagina” is used as an insult, but you have to consider the character saying it as well as the context. If I were a character, I’d be calling someone or something a dick on every other page.
As you pointed out, language that one or two characters use don’t necessarily reflect the writer’s personal opinions. You, as a writer, can’t censor your writing based on what may or may not make one or two readers uncomfortable. Your characters are so well developed that it makes more sense to give them small foibles that can almost be overlooked rather than just one big “failing” that they need to overcome. People aren’t perfect and neither are your characters.
You mentioned that you consider Matty and Nana to be the two strong female characters in TMIR. I would also add Vince’s mom to that list. She wasn’t “on screen” for very long, but she had a very large impact on the events of the novel and on Vince as a character. In addition, she wasn’t just a “good mom” or a “bad mom.” You wrote her in kind of a grey space between the two, which makes her much more real, more human.
TJ Klune doesn’t hate women. If you did, you wouldn’t write them into your stories or they would be 2D stereotypes when you did.
I’m so looking forward to Homo Jock King. I can’t wait to see my favorites again and meet newbies who will become favorites!
<3
You are so right TJ! There will always be those who do not like something everyone else loves. As one of a very few who could do without The Lord of the Rings (insert horror filled gasp here) I have always known that this happened. I much preferred Dennis McKeirnan’s Mithgar universe. I have no knowledge of the author issues you alluded to, but I agree (per usual) with most of what you said. I just wish there was a way for you authors to reply / and or explain what you were thinking without sounding defensive or whatever because as a reader, I find it fascinating to get inside you all and see just exactly what was on your mind. Or not as the case may be 🙂
Thank you for sharing this TJ. It seems to be another double standard, to me. People can use gender specific insults when it relates to males but not females? I have found occasion to refer to someone as a dick or dickhead. I watch the Third Leg and have agreed with Adam Hills when he has called someone out for inappropriate behaviour and told them “Don’t be a dick”. They may not be popular terms, but using female genitalia in a derogatory manner seems to be a form of equality… okay, so it would be better to take all derogatory terms out of our vocabulary and that will be achieved as soon as all the pigs have cleared the runway.
As my hubby says, even Bambi had enemies!
Totally agree re answering bad reviews and I, for one, can’t wait for Feb 29th!
Oh,
For heaven’s sake! Are we back on this again?!
I am so incredibly sick of the accusations of misogyny from the women authors and readers when they see something written about the female characters they don’t like. Yet when the female authors write similar things about gay men and when gay men complain about being stereotyped, they are told to shut up, suck it up. Or they moan and whine about having to “justify being a woman writer in the M/M genre”, they’re being picked on and so on.
Make up your minds, ladies! Either you want to be seen as equals in this genre or you want special treatment. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t be okay with female authors who write about these men screwing each other, using the most descriptive, sometime derogatory words to describe male genitals, have their characters saying the similar things only using male genitals and or stereotyping them.
Stop with the double standard! If you’re going to whine and complain about it coming from the male authors, then surely you need to complain about it when something similar is written by a female author. After all, it’s FEMALE authors who dominate this genre.
I remember reading a book a few years back where he the four ethnic characters (2 African America, 2 Hispanic) were stereotyped to the point that it was borderline racist in nature and that book received 5 stars across the board on all the blogs and Amazon. I called the author to the mat over it in my review and never purchased another book written by him. Simple.
You didn’t like the book, fine. Write it up in a review and don’t purchase anything else written by them. It’s just that simple. All of this outrage and constant whining, complaining and forming groups tagging the author is high school and unnecessary. That doesn’t make you feminists. That makes us look like whining little girls.
Just to be clear, TJ KLUNE DID NOT WRITE the book I was referring to about the stereotyped ethnic characters.
It wasn’t made clear in my post.
I think TJ makes an excellent point about not responding back to bad reviews. It’s tempting, but a very, very bad idea. However, it’s hard to let it go when you are the author of something and a reader says you should never write anything ever again–even your name. 😉 That’s a lot to take in and very painful to hear, even for a seasoned author. Each story of mine is like my child and if a reader said they didn’t enjoy it, it’s like saying my child is stupid and ugly, and probably should have been aborted. Letting it go takes practice. Lots and lots of practice. But to be a professional it needs to happen. Developing a thick skin is essential. If I get my feelings hurt, I call a good (non-writer) friend. Or my mom (she has to be enraged on my behalf). But never would I dream of responding to a negative review or comment. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.
As for using words that can often be derogatory toward a particular group, I think it depends. An author can write a racist character and not be racist. An author can write a sexist character and not be sexist. An author can write a homophobic character and not be homophobic. There is a power inherent in language and authors need to acknowledge that, but they shouldn’t be bound to only write non-offensive, perfect characters. A reader may decide they can’t put up with a particularly offensive character and put the book down. That’s their prerogative. But it’s the writer’s job to write their characters in ways that are true to who the characters are, not who readers wish they were. I know not all writers write like this, but I hear my characters talking and they often surprise me with opinions and thoughts that are certainly far different from the views I hold.
However, I also see why some readers have been put off with vagina comments. Unfortunately, structural inequality is a reality. I mean, for example, often when someone’s making a heterosexist comment about a gay man, they compare him to a woman. Because obviously being a woman is somehow less in their view. In fact, there are extremely compelling arguments that heterosexism isn’t just a form of homophobia, but also feeds right back into sexism. In other words, homophobia isn’t just hatred of gays, but in many ways is predicated on a hatred of women as well. So, yeah, it’s an issue. The salient point for me would be whether I think this represents the author’s opinion or simply represents the characters in the story. That’s not always easy to tease apart. And as I said, everyone is entitled to their opinion.
http://jezebel.com/the-myth-of-the-fag-hag-and-dirty-secrets-of-the-gay-ma-1506868402
My mother is a Marine. Whenever my parents happen upon other Marines, it’s 50-50 whether or not that man will inevitably say, “You know what they say about women Marines, right?” *wink wink* And even if my mother says, “I’ve heard it before, yes,” the guy will still answer. And it’s a gross, offensive answer. But he’ll be so busy laughing at the crass joke himself that he won’t notice that my parents aren’t laughing with him.
I’m strongly reminded of this scenario right now. Klune is so busy being amused by his own humor that he fails to notice others are not laughing with him.
It’s been pointed out in a couple comments above that an author’s characters are not representative of the author themself. This is true, but still is not a proper defense for what’s happening here, in these books. Because it’s not just one asshole character in one book. It’s not even one asshole side character in one book.
It’s more than one book. And it’s more than one MC in more than one book. MC – the character you’re supposed to like and root for and feel for. If the MC is the type of character who thinks it’s funny and OK to make degrading and gross jokes about vaginas, I’m not going to support him. I’m going to think he’s a sexist asshole.
If the author is willing to defend his use of degrading and gross jokes about vaginas because humor, well… I can’t help but assume that he honestly thinks those kinds of jokes are funny. The character doesn’t have to speak for him; the author’s actions (using those same jokes more than once in a book and in more than one book) and unapologetic defense that “it’s funny, get over it, don’t be a vagina” are enough to tell me that he sincerely believes that these kinds of jokes are OK.
They’re not. They’re degrading and insulting and gross.
And if you do think they’re funny and excusable, then yeah, you’re sexist.
Also cis-sexist. After all, trans men and GQ/non-binary people can also have vaginas. This kind of gross, degrading “humor” affects them too.
Some important things to remember:
1) if someone tells you they’re offended by something you’ve said/done, they’re not wrong
2) even if others come out in droves to assure you they’re not offended, that still doesn’t mean the person who says they’re offended is wrong
3) if someone from a marginalized group tells you they’re offended by something you’ve said/done in reference to that group, the appropriate response is to shut up and listen
Sorry TJ, this post from Samantha, is spot on.
I have grown up standing on the sidelines listening and watching as guys laughingly put each other down by telling them that they are acting like girls. And do you know what I did? I laughed too. I laughed so hard because I thought it was the funniest thing because they were laughing so hard. And omg if they are being weak and acting like a girl then I guess I am weak because I am a girl. So I want to fit in so of course I’m going to act in this way that I am supposed to. And oh? If I start to act out or call someone out on being sexist? The guys tell me to STFU and that feminists are soooooo annoying how they whinge and complain.
Girls hear these jokes 1500 times a day at school, on tv, in books *cough cough*. And the message becomes ingrained.
I love your writing and of course its ridiculous to think that you hate women. These jokes are so ingrained into society that we don’t realise how harmful they are.
And this is in reply to the comments from women telling other women to stop whinging about this and get over it: No. Nope. Nope. Nope. To try silencing someone is oppression. And maybe have a think about why you want us to stop whinging? Why do you want it so bad? Why is reading someone’s concerns so hard on you?
Also I’m 29 years old. Maybe I’m around the same age as some of your daughters? What would you do if your daughter came to you with genuine concerns about something that they witnessed at school/ in the workplace/ saw on tv? If it wasn’t in the context of sticking up for a beloved author. And you tell your daughter that their concerns and growing cynicism with the world is just whinging and unfounded. That ppl make these jokes all the time and they are funny. I hope that you wouldn’t tell them that because you will be the first person they look to for help and advice on coping as a woman in this world.
I seriously eyerolled reading this. Not at you TJ, but the comments.
I’m female, over 35 and laughed so hard I was crying reading this book. I did not take it personally, I have friends that crack some of the same jokes and yes, they are gay. Does it bother me in the slightest. Hello no. I crack dick jokes right back.
Was I offended? No.
Did it bother me? No.
Are some of the characters stereotypical? Hell yes.
It’s a book people.
If you have a point to make, don’t sling your shit in public on Facebook. Everyone has a right to their opinion, but to blast an author in public, not cool.
I am a feminist and I can tell you that not one single ounce of me is offended by your work TJ. It actually makes my blood pressure rise to read some of the commentators defending their right to be offended. Yes, I agree that one should never tell another person not to be offended. But the source of the outrage is so innocent that claiming your work is sexist belittles the real struggles for gender equality. Does the world have no place for camaraderie and ribbing among oppressed groups? Claiming that TJ’s comments are the result of misogyny is turning a willful blind eye to the fact that the gay culture has embraced and appropriated aspects of feminine culture, and we all know that it comes from nothing but a place of respect and affection. We’re in this fight together. Please offended women–don’t pick fights with your allies when there are true enemies out there and still battles to be won.