Like I mentioned last week, come September and you will be able to find me in all my glory (I have a very fancy dress! You don’t know! I might wear it!) at the UK GLBTQ Fiction Meet in Bristol, along with Rhys Ford, Fala Black and Penndragon Press (and lots of other people, but those are my mates!) I can’t wait, and if you see me there do come by and say ‘Hello!’. I plan to have an excellent time, behave moderately idiotic and hang out with loads of cool people. Of course, I’m also there to work.

That’s the thing about cons, they occupy this odd space where they are simultaneously a social gathering, a PR event, and (for some) a works do. As an author I’m there to represent myself professionally and make valuable connections; as a reader I’m there to get excited over meeting authors whose works I like; and a person I’m there to get me some uptown funk and have a good time.* So when do you stop networking and start having fun? When do you stop having fun and start networking? Can you lick a particularly cool author in the hopes that talent is communicable, or is that one of those ‘weird and off-putting’ things that people talk about?

I’ve been to quite a few of these events over the years (as a participant and, occasionally, as an organiser) I’ve got my own list of dos and don’ts that help strike the best balance of ‘having fun’ and ‘not professionally fire-bombing my career’.

The Don’ts are easiest so we’ll start with them:

 Don’t!

1: Don’t be a douchecanoe. This is the best advice I have for any author/reader/confused person who wandered in off the street at a con. People might forgive a bit of drunk or over-excited idiocy (I mean, try not to), but jerkiness leaves a bad taste in the mouth. So just don’t. If you’re about to do or say something and have any doubts about whether or not you’re about to be a douchecanoe – you probably are, so stop it.

2: Talk to people, don’t ‘network’. I was at a book launch once and a poet in skinny jeans and a scarf sidled up to me at the canapes. Two minutes later he ascertained I was a finance manager (at the time) and, I swear to god, he just turned and walked away from me without a word to talk to someone more useful. This is a bad idea because, mostly, it’s just terrible manners. Also, I was finance manager, information officer and in charge of the first cut of funding applications at a major local literary charity. So, y’know, I was not a completely useless contact to make. If you want to talk to a Dreamspinner Press editor talk about her job, ask about his spaniel (I don’t know if anyone at Dreamspinner has a spaniel, I just like to give people imaginary dog breeds), tell her that you like her hair or ask where he got his earrings. The person will then respond by asking your questions about yourself, and if they are willing to listen to you talk about your WIP in progress they will ask you about it!

3: Don’t drink. Or do, it’s up to you really. Just go into any event with a note of ‘I want to ____, and I’m only going to have ___ glasses’ in your head. Maybe you are just there to have fun and get ABSOLUTELY blootered, in which case, have at it. Or maybe you are hoping to talk to an author you really like, in which case have at it a little less.

Me? I don’t drink at all, because I have the alcoholic tolerance of a gnat. One glass of wine and I am past the line of tipsy. Ask Rhys Ford about the time I drank one cocktail at Quarks in Vegas and started harassing Klingons. Add in the raging addiction issues in my family, and these days I don’t even drink on ‘special occasions’. That’s me, you get to set your own limits. Just be aware of them going in.

(There’s also a sub-rule here, by the way, called ‘Mind your own beeswax’. If someone doesn’t want to drink, then don’t try and badger them into it. If someone wants a drink, then unless you are an immediate relative or they are abusive, it’s not your business. This obviously excludes bar/hotel staff and organisers who get to cut people off when they see fit.)

4: What is WRONG with you? These are the rules that shouldn’t need to be said, but that I have seen happen. Do not bother people when they are going to the toilet, do not follow them back to their room unless they invite you, do not try to get other people drunk, do not have sex in the toilets (public toilets, do what you like in your hotel loo) and if you do don’t take ALL your clothes off because that’s weird and people will talk about it.

What else? Um, if someone asks you about your writing, ask them back – that’s just manners, everyone should have the opportunity to talk about themselves. Don’t hover weirdly at the edge of groups waiting for a chance to tell someone that you loved their last whatever. Seriously, I’ve done this so many times, and in the moment it always seems really reasonable and polite. Then as you walk away you feel like an absolute idiot as you realise ‘if they’d wanted to acknowledge me they’d have done in the first minute’. It just makes you feel shitty for the rest of the night, so don’t. Approach by all means, but if there’s no entry point to the conversation just be courteous and wander off. You’ll feel better for it later.

Ok, on to the Dos

 DO!

1: Have fun! No really. If you go to a con and have a blast but make no significant professional connections, you’ll still have had a great time. On the other hand, you can spend your whole time freaking out about being professional and not get anything out of it but a feeling you wasted your time and money. So enjoy yourself.

2: Talk to me! I love talking to people, but unless I’m ‘on’ work-wise I am pretty shy. So if you’re at the Meet and you see me – I look like this, but might be wearing an awesome dress – come over and say hi. Less specifically? Talk to people, they’re editors (authors/publishers/whatever) not dragons. At worst, it will be slightly stilted small talk and you have to awkwardly excuse yourself to go to the toilet.

3: Talk about your WIP and writing, IF someone asks. Say you’re working on a cool idea for a YA coming of age story. Talk yourself up! I’m Northern Irish and I have an almost crippling need to put myself down, but that sucks. No one wants to stand and listen to some writer whinging about how they suck and, really, it’s a stupid idea. Be enthusiastic! Seriously, if you don’t think your idea is any good, why would anyone else be interested?

4: Be professional at appropriate times. I know, I know. I said, ‘have fun’ earlier. However, if you are a writer or aspiring writer and you get a chance to pitch your novel, or an editor says ‘actually, I’d like to know more about that’, then you’re ‘on’. So if you’ve been drinking, grab some water or a coffee. Make sure to get their card and give them yours. Pitch it like you’re pitching it, not like you’re giggling about it with a mate.

5: People act like idiots. This is a sort of co-rule with the ‘Don’t be a Douchecanoe’ rule above. It’s a con, people are excited, people are dumb, people are drunk. If someone does something stupid but non-malicious, then consider being tolerant. Obviously, this doesn’t involve excusing people’s abusive or even just bad behaviour – but sometimes it’s obvious that someone is just nervous and loud. It’s ok to give them a second chance.

5: I’ve kind of run out of do’s at this point. Do be safe at cons. Never do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, and if someone is bothering you or making you feel unsafe then ask for help from the organisers or people around you.

Sounds good? There you go, that’s my advice. Oh! No! I almost forget. Go in sideways, like a crab. That was the advice I was given at a networking workshop I went to, but it is supposed to work just as well for conversations.

TA Moore
www.nevertobetold.co.uk