As I write this, I am sitting here watching the news that the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) has decided a case allowing gay marriage in this country. This applies to the entire country, not just some individual state but all states.
Celebrate… Lest We Forget
I never thought I would see this in my lifetime. To say I am stunned is an understatement. But I’m not celebrating. I’m not cheering, nor am I happy. What I am is sad. So sad that the tears that are streaming down my face are that of loss.
My heart is breaking. Too many times I witnessed lovers, partners, or significant others pushed aside as their loved ones died, often alone. The phrase, “Lest we forget”, comes to my mind; a phrase that I heard over and over again while in Australia.
We need to remember how, why, and when this became such a pinnacle force, a fight, a stand against injustice. AIDS. It was during the time when gay men were dropping like flies. Ronald Regan refused to even acknowledge the disease. George H. Bush ignored it. The U.S. Government would not fund research until forced to.
How many died? So many men had to sit and wait to be told that the one person they loved most in the world was gone because they weren’t allowed to be there. To hold their hand. To be able to be the last thing that this person they loved, shared their lives with, would see in this world. This… THIS was when the fight began for legal rights, rights that were denied these couples.
It has nothing to do with religion. Nothing to do with benefits or social justice—to be treated the same as any other couple. No, they wanted to be able to hold and comfort each other while the other lay dying, with no hope and little or no dignity.
Yes, while this is a great day, a day that will forever go down in history, let us not forget why this became such an issue within the gay community to start with. Maybe, just maybe, you can take a moment and think about all those who started this fight and why.
Remember that more men, mostly gay men, died here in this country than died during the war in Viet Nam. Remember that it was our own government that turned their backs on their souls. Remember the men who were ridiculed, treated like lepers, and denied basic human dignity.
Lest we forget. I will never forget. Never will I be able to think back on this day without thinking of those, a lost generation of gay men, without sadness. Talented men; we will never know their true greatness. Men whose families turned their backs on them. The shame that they were forced to endure because they were sick. As I continue to watch the live broadcast, not once has this been mentioned. No, I won’t forget.
As Gay Pride, in most major cities, gets underway this weekend, I see so many young people who do not realize how much has been lost. The price was too high. So, for those who will go out, celebrate, and enjoy everything that makes us, us, take a moment to remember. Maybe you may find the opportunity to tell someone about how this all started. Pass along the knowledge of how this came to be.
Yes, take pride, but remember those who paved the way for us to be able to celebrate.
Thanks Max for bringing us this post today. Too many don’t remember the struggle it has been to get here. Too many don’t remember, or never experienced being told they weren’t related. Sad post my friend, but thanks for writing it. Now I’m going to go have a quiet cry.
Thanks for the post Max. It’s just a reminder that if it’s worth fighting for, it will not be free. I know the fight is long and hard, but it is worth it and probably far from over. Charleston reminds us of that. Hang in there.
Sorry Max. You are wise and special man. But l am celebrating. My butt off. I refuse to be sad and l can’t count the number of friends I’ve lost to HIV/AIDS. And l bet my lost brothers are celebrating too. This is a joyous day. Can we sgree to disagree?
Thank you for reminding us. So often the genesis of a battle or its cost is forgotten in victory’s celebration. We need more like you, Max. Men and women who know and understand the fight, who were the first to pick up arms in it, to remind the young that the battle didn’t begin when they came out, it began almost half a century ago. Their voices have been heard only because their foreparents cried out loudly and long enough that those who held positions of power were powerless to ignore them any longer. Thank you for fighting that fight and for not allowing us to forget those who fought alongside you and died so today’s SCOTUS ruling was possible..
When I think of all the leaders, the artists, the teachers, the men who should be the elder statesmen in their various professions and who are simply not there because of AIDS, it tears me up. Your perspective brings a necessary note of gravitas to today’s euphoria.
Very powerful words, Max. I’d like to think it doesn’t need to be a case of either or. I think we can celebrate while both happy and sad tears run down our cheeks. We can mourn those who went before and never got to see this day while we give thanks that a new generation won’t know (some of) the pain they had to go through. But you are right, we need to remember the heartbreak and pain that caused this battle to be fought. Thank you for reminding us.
I know the lost during this period–one friends son came home to be with his mother-Chad had someone to hold his hand–but lots of his friends did not–and you are so correct–We all should take more than a moment to remember the mostly men who’s lives lost started this wonderful outcome finally
In Xavier Mayne’s A Wedding to Die For he has a very compelling and distressing death between newlyweds who are in a State who doesn’t recognise their marriage. He really brings home to the reader the horrificness of the situation. Just thought I’d mention it as a recent depiction of what this is all about.
The first thing that went through my mind was how happy the people I lost would be today. I felt their smiles, and it brought tears. This means so much more than just legal rights and protections. So much more.
Very wise words. Well said.
Thank you everyone for the kind words. While I was very emotional yesterday, I am very proud that I may have played a minute part in this very historic event. Yes, I mourn those that were lost, but I can’t help but be proud at the same time. A very emotional day.
Bless you all…
I remember…and I promise you some young people do too because good men like you remind them that this fight started a long time ago. There was Stonewall, the first gay Pride marches, the loss of the 80’s-90’s and the generation of brave kids who just came out. Hugs you tight, Max.
A really great post Max and truly wise words as ever.Those of us who have held loved ones in our arms as as they slipped away will never forget What has been endured to get us this far. Not just rejection but life-long loneliness for those who towed the line. on the day of the referendum in Ireland one of the saddest things I heard was a reporter questioning an old guy in his nineties on his way to vote yes at a small country polling station. He said “Well it’s too late for me, but it will give the young ones a chance.” That said so much about the life he had lived and yet he still hoped for a better future for others.