As I sit here wondering what the hell to blog about this month for Love Bytes, I’m reminded of the blog post that my buddy, B.G. Thomas recently did.

What comes to my mind first is, “Oh Hell NO”.

I met B.G. at GRL in Atlanta a few years ago. As you may have guessed, he was quite happy to be there, while I was standing there terrified; the new kid on the block. While he may like going to cons, I’m always a nervous wreck. I’ve never been one to seek out the limelight or to even been seen.

As a chef, I was always in the ‘back of the house’, never wanting to venture out, not wanting to be seen. I was comfortable in the kitchen. For those who don’t know, professional kitchens are a beehive of activity, which to the untrained eye, look to be total chaos. It is also where you’ll find some of the filthiest mouthed people you’ll ever meet. Yeah, that was where I was in my element.

Now this is a totally true story I’m about to tell…

I went to GRL last year in Chicago. Again, I was apprehensive and quite nervous. Of course, I was happy to see people that I knew and to meet people that I’d only known online. Even then, I was still a bit edgy. I’m always afraid I’m going to say something off color, which I’m known for, or do something really stupid, which I’m also known for. I’m just sooo out of my element at these things.

Taking as much as I could, I escaped to go have a quick cigar. (Yes, I smoke, don’t judge.) I walk out to where the other socially rejected puffers are. It is a small crowd, so I take a deep breath, put on a brave face, and light up.

A moment later, this quite-famous author comes out and stands relatively close to me. We exchange polite niceties, but for the most part, we remain silent, enjoying our fix of nicotine.

The day progresses and I forge on, trying not to panic. When it got to be too much, I’d run out for a quick smoke. This other author and I seem to be on the same smoko schedule. (A word I learned in Australia while I was there. It means break time.) Again, we say hello but not much more.

This happened time and time again. Finally, I relaxed a bit and we began talking. I found out that he was a really cool dude, even though I probably had shoes older than he was. We talked, joked, and exchanged a few stories while we partook in the pleasures of tobacco.

The morning I was leaving, I gave him a hug, kissed his cheek, and told him what a pleasure it was to meet him and that I looked forward to our meeting again in the future. Again, I thought what a cool guy he was.

Fast forward a bit…

I was fortunate enough to meet up with this author while in Australia. Of course, we’d kept in touch via internet, but it is never quite the same as being face to face.

We were able to spend most of a day together. I cooked, we ate. We laughed, we smoked, we drank. It was a good day. I was very appreciative that this well-known writer would make the effort to meet with me.

Another fast forward…

I was speaking with my friend, the notorious author, who’d I’d first met freezing our balls off smoking at GRL in Chicago, and we started to compare a few notes of how we first met. I told him that I was so intimidated by him, that I was as nervous as a whore in church. His response floored me. He said that he’d felt the same way about me!

I had to do a double-take on that one. What? Me? Famous? I literally started laughing out loud. My dogs thought I’d lost my mind. He was scared of me? No way!

We got a good laugh out of that one. We had spent several days, of the few days we had in Chicago, tip-toeing around each other, thinking that the other was… well, too famous to approach.

Now for those who know me, I am so not famous. People say I have fans, but that just seems so ridiculous to me. I tell stories. That’s all. I was a working stiff most of my life and still think of myself as a blue-collar guy, who got up every day to go make the doughnuts. (No, I didn’t really make doughnuts, but I cooked.)

So this other author, this really cool guy that, come to find out, has a lot in common with me, is Zathyn Priest. Yep, the exact same person that I was accused of sexually assaulting while at GRL. Looking back, I can now laugh at how ludicrous that was.

We were both so scared of the other; we barely spoke to each other for two days. Funny how things work out at these cons.

And while I did make a good friend, I’m still anxious and nervous as hell when I attend these events. So, if I’m at a book convention, and you touch me, please don’t be surprised if I jump out of my skin.

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