Reviewed by Amber
TITLE: Evac
AUTHOR: Michael Murphy
PUBLISHER: Dreamspinner Press
LENGTH: 200 pages
BLURB:
While on a mission in northern Afghanistan, Benji’s helicopter is shot down. Benji went in with a band of brothers but comes out with a stack of body bags, including one for his partner, Blade.
After recovering physically in Germany, Benji is sent home to San Diego. He’s been a soldier so long he doesn’t know how to live as a civilian. The loss of his brothers and his partner weighs heavily on him. Benji’s body might be healed, but he is still a very broken man. Unable to find work, Benji turns to drinking, bar fights, risky sex with anonymous men, and striking out at everything. As he spirals out of control, he even tries volunteering in a BDSM club as a sub for demonstrations and private scenes.
Despair drives Benji to action, and he meets Nick, a young man in desperate need of hope. With his options and his money running out, the only question is if Benji will find his way in time
REVIEW:
Oh man! Oh man! Oh man!! Holy FRICK….!!! Wow, this was brutal. Absolutely brutal, and painful, and excruciatingly beautiful!!! Be warned this book is pain, upon pain, upon hopelessness, upon pain a good 60-70% of the book. Regardless how painful it was I never wanted to put it down. The writing is remarkable; it captured my attention in the opening and kept me in thrall throughout the entirety of the story. Have I mentioned how painful this story was?? It takes PTSD and shines a big huge spotlight on it and its unbelievable devastation.
Benjamin (Benji) just survived horrors most people can’t imagine. Serving active duty in the Army his unit is sent on an op in a hostile village in Afghanistan. Their helicopter is subsequently shot down and his whole company is shot dead one by one. While Benji was shot during the battle he was the only survivor. He has immense survivor guilt and incredible anger. One of the men in his company was also his boyfriend. A boyfriend whom he made plans with for their lives outside the military. He’s devastated, needless to say. Circumstances arrive that have him released from the hospital way too early and he finds himself medically retired and back in the states. Benji’s life spirals out of control. He feels like he needs to punish himself for surviving so he does unconscionable things with his body. He puts himself at crazy risk and as the reader you just want to yell and scream and make him understand his worth, understand what he’s risking. His pain is palpable almost like a tangible thing and you hurt for him.
There’s promiscuous sex, BDSM mainly involving Benji wanting a Dom any Dom to inflict on him the most pain they can deliver, he drinks, he starts fights but one thing he never lets happen is he never lets himself find pleasure. His has multiple sexual encounters most of which are unprotected and all the while he never lets his partners bring him pleasure. It’s so gut wrenching to sit through but with grief there’s almost a realization that he has to go through this to get to the other side.
At his lowest point he makes a decision that at the time seems incredibly final and during that decision making Benji is at his lowest. His pain coursed through my body. While his sobs wracked his body I felt it in mine. This author made almost every emotion Benji felt incredibly real.
In this desperation, a tiny glimmer of hope shined incredibly bright. Nick is also at the end of his rope. Having made a similar decision as Benji they find themselves at a crossroads. Either go forward in their misery to end their pain or choose something else. Choose hope.
As I mentioned this story is so painful but with stories like these sometimes the pain is necessary to get to the other side and the other side for these two men is extraordinary. They deserve so much more out of life and when they both come to that realization….just WOW!!
The cover is magnificent too…!!
This is a must read book….for everyone!! It’s amazing…I absolutely loved it….LOVED it!! Get it….!!
RATING: 
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