For those who know me, the title of this post is no surprise, but now that I have your attention, I may disappoint some of you. This blog is not about bondage, at least not in any BDSM sense. It is about mental bondage, restrictions on activity and the inability to work as a productive writer.

Two years ago I was lucky enough to have my first novel published. I had really enjoyed writing Taking the Gardener and had found the whole process surprisingly easy and pain free. I only started to look for a publisher after the book was written, but I decided then that I liked this job and I wanted to do more of it. I don’t think I will ever forget the feeling of holding my first real book in my hands.

Of course, I was immediately filled with ideas for a second, a third and even a fourth novel. So where are they, you ask? Well, first of all, nothing prepared me for the fact that once your book is published, you stop being a writer and become a marketing person. Always one for taking on a new challenge, I threw myself into brand development, social media and all manner of marketing strategies.

The next thing to happen was the discovery that there were lots of people out there who were willing to help me to become a better writer. There was so much to learn and so many ‘methods’ to absorb. Of course, with all that learning under my belt, my next novel was sure to fly off the shelves.

In order to refine my writing skills and to develop my craft, I started writing and publishing short stories. They seemed very popular and it was indeed good practice in many ways, but I got distracted by it. I like to think that primarily I write good stories with well-rounded characters. Interestingly, both readers and reviewers kept on telling me that they wanted to read more about this character, or what was next for that couple? All the time I was telling myself that when I was good enough at it I would go back to writing full length novels again.

I keep a notebook in which I record ideas for new writing projects, especially the novels which are hopping around in my head. There are now outlines for no less than nine full length novels in that notebook, but I needed to be a better author in order to write them. Perhaps you already see where this is going? Well, I can be a bit slow at times and it took me a lot longer to realise what had happened.

In January I sat down and wrote out my writing goals for this year. They’re ambitious, and so I got started on my first novel of the year. It seemed an obvious choice because the two principle characters have lived in my head for a long time. The somewhat quirky plot was itching to play itself out too. After the first two or three pages the pacing felt wrong so I scrapped it and started again. This time I got the feeling that the main character was beginning to sound a bit weak but I needed him to be stronger. Another restart. On the third attempt I actually finished the first chapter but now I was worried that the reader as yet knew little about the second character and would lose interest. Aaargh!

My lightbulb moment came with the second anniversary of the release of Taking the Gardener. At around the same time I’d received the quarterly royalty statement from my publishers, Dreamspinner Press. It was very gratifying to see that the book was still selling…but hang on a minute. I’d delayed writing my next novel until I’d learned to be a better writer, but the novel which had started the whole thing was still selling copies. The novel that I’d written before I’d learned to be an author was still in demand. How could this be?

Maybe I had been an okay writer before I started learning how to be a proper author. Maybe I had just spent two years learning how to do something that I’d already done. Ye Gods, what an idiot! Whatever made me think that I could write and publish that first book before I was an author? I had loved the story and the characters in it. Maybe it was just fun to write the story I’d wanted to tell. Maybe I should try that again?

Suddenly I was free. The need just to tell a story had liberated the writer in me. I sat down and started to write the story of the bearish librarian and the beautiful, illiterate, book-loving boy. This time it is working and once again I am enjoying the telling of the story.

Did I waste those intervening two years? Some would say so, but I have never believed in failure. Yes, my brain had been my own worst enemy and had developed its own kind of procrastination. Yes, of course there were other elements which had contributed to my tardiness. Life has a habit of interfering with our lives and mine sure had last year. At the end of the day, however, it had all been a learning experience so it was not a failure.

I am writing again and enjoying it. I chat with my characters every day and I get words on paper most days. I am trying hard not to let being an author stop me from being a writer and a storyteller.

So why have I chosen this blog to tell this tale? First of all it is a warning to all budding writers out there. Don’t let being an author stop you from being a writer. To my readers I am letting you know that there is a lot more to come. To myself it is a smack to the back of the head. Get on with it. These stories will not tell themselves!

TJ Masters is a UK writer of m/m fiction and details of his work can be found at www.tjmasters.com