14 Responses

  1. Barbra
    Barbra at |

    Yeah, it always surprises me when kids say “oral sex” isn’t “sex”. 🙂

    Reply
    1. AJH
      AJH at |

      Kids or grown ups 🙂

      I’ve even heard people say that lesbian sex doesn’t count …

      Which I guess is something nobody has told lesbians.

      Reply
  2. E.E. Ottoman (@acosmistmachine)
    E.E. Ottoman (@acosmistmachine) at |

    yes, yes I like this a lot.

    Reply
    1. AJH
      AJH at |

      Thank you 🙂

      Reply
  3. Sarina Bowen
    Sarina Bowen at |

    Yeah!

    In my experience, there is also an in-bedroom vs. out-of-bedroom balance that needs to serve the story.

    In my m/m novel, at one point the characters discuss reversing their usual (and mutually enjoyable) arrangement. But that topic sends them off into another very important conversation about past experience, and getting over old loves. It’s implied that they will probably experiment further at a later date, but nothing happens on the page. A couple of readers have expressed their frustration.

    But these are characters for whom things have always gone well inside the bedroom. It’s just outside of it that life is so hard. To continue to catalog their sexy times would not have served the story nearly so well as the non-naked action that *does* happen on the page.

    Reply
    1. AJH
      AJH at |

      All the best comments start with ‘yeah’ 🙂

      I totally understand why readers could/might be frustrated by that – I think we get a little … trained sounds sinister … but we’re used to a hierarchy of acts and expressions. And with m/m in particular having both characters bottom, or having one character who doesn’t usually take the receptive role ‘yield’ to the other, is sort of seen as proof of intimacy. Or something.

      But it gets problematic because … it doesn’t really reflect the reality of relationships … like in the scene you mention where ssex doesn’t happen, but something else meaningful does. And obviously the point of sex in fiction is to be perfectly realistic, but I think when sex becomes a de-contextualised check-list it can inadvertently reflect quite harmful ideas about sex should be or look like.

      Reply
  4. Trix
    Trix at |

    It’s a very thought-provoking post! I think people get so bogged down in the minutiae of certain acts that they forget about the intimacy involved…

    Reply
    1. AJH
      AJH at |

      I very much agree – minutiae and expectations can be killer.

      Reply
  5. Blaine D. Arden
    Blaine D. Arden at |

    My view is, who penetrates whom comes down to who wants to be penetrated by whom – and sometimes the answer might entirely reasonably be “nobody, we’d rather do this other thing instead.”

    AMEN!!! I very much agree with this stand point. 🙂

    Reply
    1. AJH
      AJH at |

      Hehe, shame it’s so long (the, uh, sentence) or we could have T-shirts 😉

      Reply
  6. darlasharp
    darlasharp at |

    Great post–I’ve had many gay friends over the years who never ever did anal–weren’t into it, period. They spoke of the “anal sex tyranny” in gay culture. I can’t stand how so many m-m novels out there take anal and turn it into a het trope of deflowering the virgin. It is so silly and reads poorly, to me. I love what you say here about sex is sex and love is love. Honestly PHLOGISTON is blowing me away on so many levels–I love it and you’ve outdone yourself. Bravo!

    Reply
    1. AJH
      AJH at |

      I know plenty of people who aren’t into anal as well – and honestly I don’t know many relationships for which it’s the *default* in quite the same way as PIV is for het. But then it’s not like I have performed a longitudinal study on the sexual practices of my friends. So I might be talking nonsense.

      I’m so happy to hear you’re enjoying PHLOGISTON 🙂

      Reply
  7. Kim W
    Kim W at |

    I read this book yesterday and really liked it. If the women in m/f books were more like the woman in this book, I might go back to reading m/f. She was really refreshing.

    Reply
    1. AJH
      AJH at |

      Oh thank you. I’m really happy you enjoyed Ros – I was worried people wouldn’t because she’s, uh, kind of horrible really. But she was a pleasure to write.

      There are definitely heroines like her in m/f as well – I mean, not exactly, but heroines who are to a degree what you might call unsympathetic. I really like Cecilia Grant and Courtney Milan for uncompromising heroines who don’t always act in conventionally acceptable ways.

      Reply

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