Reviewed by Carissa
TITLE: Smoke and Mirrors
AUTHOR: Lillian T. MacGowan
PUBLISHER: Loose Id
LENGTH: 367 pages
BLURB:
Firefighter Frank “Deck” Dekker was just doing his job when he saved Dr. Naim Moreau’s life, the last thing he expected was to lose his heart! But he can’t resist his quiet, mysterious doctor, nor does he want to. He wants to make a life with Naim—preferably locked away in his apartment worshiping each other like they were meant to be. Because they are.
Things aren’t as clear for Naim. His past haunts him to his soul, and he would rather die than let Deck seem him the way he sees himself. Being honest with Deck and showing his true face could cause him to lose Deck forever. But is it possible that just maybe Deck will see another man? A beautiful man? And what price is Naim willing to pay to take that chance?
REVIEW:
After a rocky start I have to say that this book completely won me over.
Deck and Naim at first seem perfect for each other. Deck runs back into a burning clinic to save Naim, who had been helping get his patients out of the clinic. Unfortunately, burning buildings are liable to fall, and this one falls on Deck just as they both seem about to make it out. Luckily they both survive…well mostly. See Deck gets out, but he happens to take a piece of rebar with him. In his chest. So to return the favor of a saved life, Naim, a surgeon at the local hospital, takes over his operation and saves Deck right back.
On the surface both Deck and Naim are perfect men. The brave firefighter and the brilliant doctor. But lurking just below all that perfection is a world of pain and regret and guilt. Naim for how he survived his ‘childhood,’ and Deck for the loss of his younger brother in fire a few years ago. But even when old wounds come to light, both men have trouble seeing themselves as worthy of the other’s love. They have trouble seeing that while neither of them are perfect, they are in fact perfect for each other. Bleeding wounds and all.
My first reaction to this book was not so great. I thought Deck was a loose-cannon likely to get himself–and everyone in his company–killed with his recklessness. I thought Naim was a bloody idiot–quite literally–to go into operate with not only a head wound, but probably with a nasty case of smoke inhalation as well. I was very much ready to consign them to the mass of TSTL characters that litter the floors of the book world. And then something happened…
I don’t know what it was exactly. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment…but once I got over the desire to smack them, I started to see them. All of them. Not just the surface perfection, but all the mess that was them inside, and I actually started to like them. And then they started to make me cry, which only made me love them.
Naim had such a fucked up childhood. I mean on a scale of one to ten, the dude is riding a 9.5. For all that he comes across as the stereotypical doctor in those first few chapters, there is so much more to him. And MacGowan wrote it perfectly. She lured me in with a simple premise and then went about happily destroying my heart.
Oh, and Deck. Deck with all the crazy. Crazy family, crazy friends, and one crazy ability to just go after what he wants and screw the world and all its judgments. His family–made up of both blood and bonds formed in fire–took a bit getting used to. They are loud and outrageous, and prone to severe mocking and/or smacking the idiot of the moment. But they are also so real. And Deck, who I thought was just a nice smile and a fantastic set of legs (I do love a tall man), was probably not as screwed up as Naim, but plenty wounded on his own. And that scene at the graveyard. So many fucking tears.
I was seriously impressed on how the author took something I was pretty sure I was going to, at best, be tepid about, and spun it into this great story. The writing was just great especially as I got closer to the end, and I am in serious love with how MacGowan handled the topics brought up in this story. Rape, child molestation, childhood prostitution, grief, loathing, anger, forgiveness, healing, falling in love, and learning that love doesn’t fix you–but it might just hold you up as you try to fix yourself. It was so very well written.
I had some pretty low expectations going into this book, but this story won me over, big time. I wish there had been more resolution to the fire aspect of the story, but the way it ended felt more real. I might have wanted a grand climax, but what I got was reality. Dark and a little disappointing, but maybe just a little bit better than what I wanted. And since it gave the story the ending that the story needed I really can’t complain all that much.
RATING: 
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