As we know, affixing people with labels is a sensitive subject in society and I like to think that our community works very hard not to assign labels, particularly when it comes to our sexuality and gender identity. They can be offensive, malicious, sometimes downright disturbing. Worse yet, labels can be used as tools to bully, even as outright weapons. Nonetheless, some labels have purpose and how they are used often makes all the difference in the world to us. My good friend, Timmy, is here to give you his take on why labels can be good and why he likes them.
I’m a boy who likes labels. It’s how my brain works. I need the labels to feel safe and secure in life and in myself. Labels are something everyone uses. Categorical labeling is something our brains do to help understand the very complex issues in our environment. Labels help shape how we look at things, and what we see when we look at them. We naturally put things in categories in our mind. Food is not the same as drink, when someone says eat you don’t think of grape juice. Your brain puts food in the right category in your mind. This is how we learn. It’s how our brain stores knowledge. Without the ability to put a label on an idea, how can one describe, compare and or predict what outcome it may cause?
Every person’s brain works differently. In my head I use a Venn Diagram for things. I know it seems odd that one would do that, but that’s how my brain works. Some people have multiple labels, and fall into many categories. No two people are the same, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have things in common. Labels are just a way to understand people and their interests. It’s how we find like-minded people. There is a comfort in knowing the people around you have something in common with you. But how would you know if you didn’t label your interests and feelings? I believe that labeling serves a purpose. It allows us a limited rundown of a person with whom we may want to have a conversation without the need to give a life story.
I have heard many people say that labels are bad, they hold people back, they are used to hurt and discourage people. I say that’s the people using them and not the labels themselves. Not all labels are bad. Just like with any tool, words can cause damage. This is with all words. I could use the word “useless” in many ways. One is to hurt a person by labeling them, or I could be using it to explain that a task is a waste of time. It is all in the way we use our words. Some people work hard to get their labels, such as doctors who earn the right to use certain letters after their name. Some labels are very important to people because of their meaning; such as mother, father, friend, husband and wife. Then there are the people who hate the labels they have. To those people I say, if you are not happy with your labels then work to change it or work to accept that part of yourself.
I am a small, slender, 12-year-old gay male. I am proud of that. I like to wear some clothes that are made for girls, I like nail polish. If you used any one of those labels with me, it wouldn’t bother me. If you took it a step further and labeled me effeminate, I’d be okay with that too. I’d embrace that label.
Like with anything, there is a good side and bad side with labels. Some can be used in harmful and abusive ways, but not all labels are bad. Some are used as goals that we want to teach kids to seek. There are labels that are not only good, but ones we accept because they are characteristics that we work for and want to be noticed for. We need to learn not to read things into labels that are not there. Don’t give them more meaning and power then they should have. Labels are an organization tool, and nothing more. Don’t let people use them as weapons on you.
See you next month on Sunday, August 17th!
Available from: Harmony Ink Press
Όμορφη. Ómorphi. Greek. Meaning pretty
Pretty. adj. /pritē/ Pleasing by delicacy or grace
High school senior Michael Sattler leads a charmed life. He’s a star athlete, has great friends, and parents who love him just the way he is. What’s missing from his life is a boyfriend. That’s a problem because he’s out only to his parents and best friend. When Michael accidentally bumps into Christy Castle at school, his life changes in ways he never imagined. Christy is Michael’s dream guy: smart, pretty, and sexy. But nothing could have prepared Michael for what being Christy’s boyfriend would entail.
Christy needs to heal after years of abuse and knows he needs help to do it. After the death of his notorious father, he leaves his native Greece and settles in upstate New York. Alone, afraid, and left without a voice, Christy hides the myriad scars of his abuse. He desperately wants to be loved and when he meets Michael, he dares to hope that day has arrived. When one of Michael’s team-mates becomes an enemy and an abuser from Christy’s past seeks to return him to a life of slavery, only Michael and Christy’s combined strength and unwavering determination can save them from the violence that threatens to destroy their future together. Read an excerpt of Omorphi
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Caleb had one mission in life.
To keep his boyfriend safe.
They met at ten, kissed at twelve, and were madly in love by eighteen. Caleb Deering is the captain of the swim team and the hottest senior in school. He comes from a loving home with a kind father and a caring, but strict, mother who is battling breast cancer. Nico Caro is small and beautiful, and has a father who rules with an iron fist—literally. One morning Caleb forgets himself, and he pecks Nico on the lips at school. A teacher sees them and tattles to the Headmaster. The accidental outing at school might be the least of their problems, because the ball set in motion by the school’s calls to their parents could get Nico killed. In the face of that very real danger, Caleb knows he has only one mission in life: to keep Nico safe. Read an excerpt of Safe.
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Hi Timmy,
Another great post. Like you, my mind categorizes too. It helps to make sense of new things and even old things. I think maybe because we like math so much that a Venn diagram helps us understand things. I agree that once people start putting certain values to labels, that’s when people can get hurt. But I like your advise. Don’t let those labels be more than what they are. And I like to add that people think about the values they place on a label. I think it’s a healthy way to have a dialog than to just throw hateful words at each other. Thank you, Timmy!
I’m so glad you liked it. This is a touchy subject and I worried it would upset people. Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
Timmy
“if you are not happy with your labels then work to change it or work to accept that part of yourself.” Excellent advice, Timmy! At times I’ve been labeled and dismissed and had a hard climb to prove I’m more than that box they stuck me in. But I see how labels can also be used in a positive way. Thank you.
It’s not easy to change yourself, and it is harder yet to change other people’s perspective of you. What’s important is that you are happy with yourself.
Timmy
Absolutely! Thanks Timmy. 🙂
Great post, Timmy!! As you know I’m one of those that usually harps against labels, but it’s for the negative reasons you pointed out above. Because of the tendency of people to use them in a counterproductive way to pigeonhole or stereotype people. It just irritates me to no end that people ascribe a certain behavior or a certain opinion as being attributed to a completely unrelated characteristic of a person… to use your example, for someone to say that you are effeminate because you like to wear nail polish. Now there is nothing wrong with wearing nail polish and there is nothing wrong with being effeminate, but one does not necessarily presuppose the other. I think people often use labels as barriers. They start to assume things about a person that may not be true at all based on one particular characteristic. They make an assumption and, in many cases, do not bother to get to know what that person is truly like on the inside. I believe our greatest strength is in getting to know each other; in understanding and celebrating our differences, because we are all truly unique and the combinations of opinions, behaviors, and characteristics are truly limitless. But you are right it is not the label itself that is bad and damaging. It is the way we use these labels. So maybe I should quit railing against the labels and start questioning people more about their labeling practices. Because, after all, nothing will change until we address the real issue which is not the label itself but the way people misuse the labels. Thanks for a very thought provoking post!
Glad you liked it Mel. Yes I believe it is the people we need to blame. Because of social media there is a huge spike in bullying, but is it the social media sites fault or the people abusing it? It’s the same with labels, it can be used to learn or to bully. We need to worry less on the labels and more on the people. Thanks for the comment Mel.
Timmy
I agree with you, Timmy. Labels in and of themselves are neither positive nor negative. It’s the connotations we associate with them that can make them supportive, hurtful, helpful, misnomers or merely informative. They can make us feel ostracised when used against us or give us a sense of belonging when you meet someone else who also labels themselves in a similar way and we can realise there are others like us and we aren’t alone. I guess the key is to be careful with the labels you give yourself and refuse to take on the ones others may try to give you that aim to dismiss and hurt based on assumptions. Then celebrate the ones that make you proud of who you are.
Thanks for coming by and reading the post. I relieved that you guys seem to agree. I was worried this post would offend some people.
Timmy
I love how you just explain things so well, Timmy. So clear. I adore labels, I love to categorize and put names on things. For me, things make more sense and are more beautiful the more I know about them—take birds! The owl is so much prettier when I know it’s a Eurasian Eagle-Owl (Bubo bubo)… 🙂 For Mel, it’s enough that it’s a Pretty Bird! We are all different.
I think you put it perfectly: “Food is not the same as drink, when someone says eat you don’t think of grape juice.” Indeed! The brain needs exactly thises kinds of organizational tools.
The problem with labels only arise when ignorant FOOLS use them to put people down. Words like “gay”, “girl”, or even “jock” can be used to bully. THAT is when it becomes a problem. But the problem is inherent in the PERSON, not in the label he or she is using.
Thank you for yet another quite brilliant post. Your mind is amazing.
We are the same. We should make a label lovers group. <3 Thanks for stopping by My Anna. Ans thanks for all your support.
Timmy
Label Lovers’ Group – let’s talk to Deeze, we might need a sign for that. 🙂
Timmy, each and every time I read your blog posts they totally blow me away. Your posts are so well thought out and articulate. You always make me think.
You, my young friend, are so very wise and amazing.
Thanks Sandy! I have help on the grammar edits. <3
Timmy
Timmy, even the very best of writers have betas and editors to help with grammar and punctuation. It’s a blessing to have someone help you with those things. You might have help with that stuff, but I know that all of these thoughts are your own and that, my friend, is what’s amazing to me. Most people wouldn’t give this the thought that you have, nor would they have expressed themselves so well. I can honestly say my life is better for knowing you. <3
Timmy, this is a fantastic post! I agree with you. Labels on their own aren’t a bad thing. They help make sense of the world. It’s the intention of the people that give the label that can be negative. I love reading your posts. They’re so well thought out and written! Excellent job!! **HUGS** 🙂
Thanks Uncle Jase! It’s because of the support of you guys that I feel safe giving my views. Thanks so Much for reading and commenting.
Timmy