Bi for you—better than gay for you?
The “gay for you” trope is incredibly popular in m/m romance—where a straight man falls for another man who can be either gay or straight himself. Time and time again I’ve seen books with this theme hit the bestseller lists, but it’s one I’ve always avoided in my own writing because I wasn’t sure it was particularly realistic. I’ve always been uneasy that it could help to perpetuate unhelpful myths about gay men, such as the one about how they’re all intent on seducing straight men.
My objections started to crumble to when I met with the concept of “out for you” (thank you Marie Sexton for first bringing that term to my attention!) and began reading a few really well-handled OFY tales. The concept of OFY is that the straight bloke was always really gay, it’s just only now that he’s coming out of the closet. However, to complicate matters he usually has to come out to himself first. This seemed to be a definite improvement, but there was still something missing.
What the whole GFY/OFY debate misses is the screamingly obvious. If these men have previously been attracted to women, and often still are, then they’re not gay at all. They’re bisexual. What we really need to start calling it is “bi for you”!
So what does it mean to be a bisexual? It’s a widely misunderstood term and many take it to mean someone who is equally attracted to men and women, but that’s not the case. Here is my favourite definition, taken from The Bisexual Index (a fabulous website for all things bi):
“A bisexual is someone who is attracted to more than one gender. You might care about the gender of your partner a lot, a little, or not at all – but their gender doesn’t prevent you from being attracted to them.”
Whether or not you follow up on this attraction doesn’t matter. Some bi folks only tend to fall in love with one gender, but are happy to flirt with the other. Some never even take that much action but just appreciate from afar. Following this definition of bisexuality, there are many who are bi but who might not believe themselves to be. I used to tell myself I was bicurious. That was until I actually kissed another woman and finally accepted I was bi. But I’d always been bi. I just had to come out to myself first.
In my latest novel, Stuff, I’ve written a bi hero who has never previously acknowledged any attraction to men. It was great fun to write, but not the first time I’ve ever written a bi hero. Robin in Barging In was reluctantly bi: he’d rather have been straight, but he only ever fell in love with men. I’ve also written some mmf short stories with bi heroes (check out the Mad About the Boys anthology I wrote with JL Merrow for a range of sexy mmf stories).
And you know what? I’ve enjoyed writing the bi-for-you trope so much my next novel (out in September), How to Train Your Dom in Five Easy Steps is another example. This time with a Dom who is adamant he isn’t remotely gay. Right up until the point he falls in love with his male submissive…
Perhaps it’s just because I’m bi myself that I feel so strongly about this, but I’d love more bi visibility in the m/m genre. What do you think? And can you recommend any good stories with bisexual heroes?
Stuff is out now from Samhain Publishing, and is book two in The Bristol Collection (which started with Junk)
Buy links:
Blurb:
When Mr. Glad Rags meets Mr. Riches, the result is flaming fun.
Tobias “Mas” Maslin doesn’t need much. A place of his own, weekends of clubbing, a rich boyfriend for love and support. Too bad his latest sugar daddy candidate turns out to be married with kids. Mas wants to be special, not someone’s dirty little secret.
When he loses his job and his flat on the same day, his worlds starts unraveling…until he stumbles across a vintage clothing shop. Now to convince the reclusive, eccentric owner he’s in dire need of a salesman.
Perry Cavendish-Fiennes set up Cabbages and Kinks solely to annoy his controlling father. Truth be told, he’d rather spend every spare moment on his true passion, art. When Mas comes flaming into his life talking nineteen to the dozen, he finds himself offering him a job and a place to live.
He should have listened to his instincts. The shop is already financially on the brink, and Mas’s flirting makes him feel things he’s never felt for a man. Yet Mas seems convinced they can make a go of it—in the shop, and together.
Warning: Contains an eccentric, bumbling Englishman, a gobby drama queen, fantastic retro clothing, scary fairies, exes springing out of the woodwork, and a well-aimed glass of bubbly. Written in brilliantly British English.
Author bio:
English through and through, Josephine Myles is addicted to tea and busy cultivating a reputation for eccentricity. She writes gay erotica and romance, but finds the erotica keeps cuddling up to the romance, and the romance keeps corrupting the erotica. She blames her rebellious muse but he never listens to her anyway, no matter how much she threatens him with a big stick. She’s beginning to suspect he enjoys it.
Jo publishes regularly with Samhain, and has also been known to edit anthologies and self-publish, although she prefers to leave the “boring bits” of the book creation process to someone else.
Website and blog: http://josephinemyles.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/josephine.myles.author
Twitter: @JosephineMyles
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3499509.Josephine_Myles
Newsletter: http://eepurl.com/hrQ4s
Read Carissa’s 5 star review here : https://lovebytesreviews.com/2014/05/28/recent-release-review-stuff-by-josephine-myles/
Jo is giving away a title from her backlist to one lucky commenter. Enter the rafflecopter to be in with a chance of winning.
count me in please
Great post, very interesting!
thanks for the giveaway!
Thanks for an interesting post!
Thanks for the post and giveaway. I have always cringed a bit at the strict gay-for-you trope. But out-for-you, especially if someone has been hiding from themselves or hiding for some other reason (family, society etc), works much better and can make for a great story. Bi-for-you combined with out-for-you, I think is great too!
It’s good to know I’m not the only one who feels this way, Jen 😀
It’s funny, I never thought of Robin as bi. And, in my case, kissing a woman told me I really wasn’t bi just open to new experiences. 😉
I think Robin himself is quite conflicted about it all. I think of him as bi, but only romantically interested in men. He still has some desire for women, but he’s definitely veering over to the homosexual side.
Thanks for the post and giveaway! I recently started reading Josphine’s books and can’t get enough.
Interesting thoughts on bi. I’m not sure I’d ever thought of it in that way. Blurb to your book has really peaked my interest. Thanks for the offering of one of your works.
There are all sorts of different definitions of bisexuality, but I love the one at the Bisexual Index because it’s so inclusive and all-embracing 🙂
Bi-for-you makes a lot of sense, and would be good to see! I like Tara Lain’s Genetic Attraction m/m/f series a lot, and DECEPTIVE ATTRACTION is especially thought-provoking because it explores a lot of gender issues (the guy who always assumed he was gay falls for a woman who, like the man he wants, is pretty androgynous).
I’ve had that series recced to me before, Trix. I must find the time to read it soon!
Great post! I’ve always wondered why someone feeling attraction to someone of the same gender in a book is almost always labelled gay for you when the more obvious answer (to me, at least) is that he’s probably bisexual. It’s like some people see the world as one or the other and forget that there are some of us who love both 🙂
There’s definitely a problem with bi visibility out there. And it’s sad that many bi people in same-sex relationships stay in the closet about being bi because there is prejudice against bisexuality even within the gay and lesbian communities.
Fifteen Shades of Gay for Pay by T. Baggins, But My Boyfriend Is by K.A. Mitchell (you probably know about that one) and The Backup Boyfriend by River Jaymes are some books I can think of with bisexual heroes. Bisexuality is mentioned by name in both Fifteen Shades of Gay for Pay and The Backup Boyfriend, but not But My Boyfriend Is. Rather than characterize himself as bisexual or gay, the character in The Backup Boyfriend who’d previously thought he was straight resists labels entirely.
I’ve read a number of m/m/f menages, including the ones you and J.L. Merrow wrote — Cat Grant’s Courtland Chronicles culminates in one, Tere Michaels wrote one, as did Kelly Jamieson (Rule of Three) — but I’d have to dig around in my Kindle to identify any more of them.
Thanks for all the recs, Lawless. I have indeed read But My Boyfriend is, but none of the others *adds to ever growing TBR pile*
Another interesting post Jo 🙂 I won’t get on my soap box about this subject, as I wish there could be a time when such labels like this no longer mattered, but I will bring up a couple of books that I have enjoyed reading which deal with the gay-for-you trope: Shattered Glass by Dani Alexander – about a detective, apparently happily in a straight relationship, falls in love with a bunny slippered male prostitute with a difficult history. There is a nice twist by the end of this story, but I won’t give away any spoilers just in case you want to read it. There are a few more, but possible one of my favourite on this topic is Mary Calmes characters Sam Kage and Jory in the Matter of Time series.
I’ve got Shattered Glass on my Kindle, and have just started reading my very first Mary Calmes book (Frog). Why has it taken me so long?!
Thanks for the interesting post. I do read a lot of stories with the gfy/bfy/ofy tropes and for the most part I really enjoy them.
Promises (Coda #1) by Marie Sexton, but you may have read that one already. I can’t think of any others really quickly at this moment.
I have indeed read that one, and it’s a classic 🙂
Great post & giveaway. I’m a big fan of gfy stories. I think it’s every gay dude’s fantasy to turn that straight guy he has the hots for
I’m sure that does account for a big part of the appeal of this trope for gay readers!
Sounds fantastic. Please count me in.
“Bi” does seem way more accurate than GFY. I read Stuff last week and LOVED it. Thanks for the giveaway. 🙂
Cheers, Barbra 😀
I’ve read m/m stories with bi characters in it but I can’t really remember the titles of the books. I’ll have to go back to look them up and come back here and recommend them.
The bi for you makes more sense to me than the GFY. I grew up with a few guys that were Bi. Most were more attracted to women but occasionally they found a guy that took their breath away. But no matter they always acknowledge themselves as Bisexual. Love the sound of the books.
Good on them for having the courage to acknowledge that. It’s so easy for bi peeps to hide when they’re in straight relationships.
Hm, no stories with bi heroes come to mind right now. I agree with you on that out for you and bi for you are much more realistic, but I also think that some gay for you stories can be believable too. The concept of there being an exception to the rule (i.e. straight man falling for gay man, but not being interested in other guys) appeals to my inner romantic.
I’m sure that romantic element accounts for a lot of the popularity. I think I’m just too cynical for it to appeal!
Very interesting post – I dated a couple of bi guys (separately!) back in pre-history but found the emotional fallout was too much. It’s only recently one of his girlfriends and I have started speaking after twenty years! We’re now closer than we ever were to Mr Bi… Funny old thing life, isn’t it? How many days till September? The bits I got to read of How to Train… had me fascinated!
Thanks, Steve. Your feedback was greatly appreciated. Hope you’re feeling better now!
thanks for the giveaway!
I enjoyed Stuff very much, highly recommended 😀
Did you read The Cranberry Hush by Ben Monopoly? Although it’s not OFY, the MC is bi and it’s beautiful story.
Ooh, that one’s on my Kindle too. So many great books, so little time to read them!
Congrats Barbra!!