Reviewed by Carissa
TITLE: Butt Ninjas from Hell
AUTHOR: Ally Blue, Eden Winters, Jevocas Green, JP Barnaby, Kage Alan, Kiernan Kelly, Shae Connor, and TC Blue,
PUBLISHER: Wilde City Press
LENGTH: 280 pages
BLURB:
Porn stars, holy emissaries, demons, and even just plain humans—ninjas come in all forms and from all kinds of Hell in this erotically charged comedic Wilde City anthology! Whether it’s the world of second-rate television, fluttering ninja stars, obsessions over a bronzy-olive toned soldier, or magic backsides, your authorial guides will take you where few readers have ever dared to go…without protection.
Kage Alan, JP Barnaby, Ally Blue, TC Blue, Shae Connor, Jevocas Green, Kiernan Kelly and Eden Winters bring you…Butt Ninjas From Hell.
You’ll Never Hear Them Coming!
REVIEW:
I must admit the main reason I picked up this book, despite the fact that I don’t normally go out of my way to read anthologies, is the name. I mean, come on, how can you not want to read a book called Butt Ninjas from Hell? It is just such a ridiculously fun title that I felt it would be a shame to pass it up. And while it was a mixed bag of stories, I have to say the reading experience was quite fun.
These eight stories explore the lives of ninjas, demons, vagabonds, porn stars, and just everyday guys–who end up being not so normal after all. And while they may all come in different shapes, sizes, and colors, the one thing they do have in common is a quick mind and a willing bottom.
CLEAN UP ON AISLE ME! by Shae Connor: 3.5 stars
Working at a costume/party store is never a lot a fun–and Halloween is certainly its own brand of hell–but this year it’s just gotten ridiculous. Jonny may have wanted a bit of spare cash (and a way to splurge on food that is not ramen) but he never signed up for wrangling smelly, skin crawlingly icky demons lurking through the back aisles of the store. Luckily for him there seems to be a pack of ninjas skulking in those aisles as well. Now all he has to do is avoid getting eaten, find a way to finish his homework in between hellish visitations, and convince the sexy, blue-eyed ninja to steal him away (preferably to somewhere with a bed).
I liked this story, though at times it did feel a little flat. I guess I just never had enough time to warm up to the characters. But I liked the whole secret demon-hunting ninja group, and I liked how Jonny (after a bout of freaking out) wanted to join up. Even if it felt like it was more to help him get into Bert’s pants, than a real desire to hunt down the creepy-crawlies. The chemistry between the characters was good though, and I found the whole dream sequence rather hilarious. Not sure about the ending though.
SHEATHING HIS SWORD by JP Barnaby: 4 stars
Oh what’s a porn star to do?…Clumsy ninjas, ridiculous dialogue, and one unexpected visit from dear ol’ dad. Some shoots are certainly more interesting than others. Especially when one of the stars is fighting a losing battle against those little blue pills.
This was just fucking hilarious. I loved reading this short story. There might not have been a whole lot of plot–other than one seriously botched porn shoot–but it was a lot of fun. And poor Nicky did get to come…eventually.
TWINK NINJA TIGER, FLAXEN BUNS OF FURY by Kage Alan: 2 stars
Ninjas still exist, but they are definitely on the down-low. At this school for the training of ninjas in rural Japan, the masters are waiting for the Church’s emissary, a 80 year old man, who holds the fate of the school in his hands. But they are in for a surprise when Ashton–young, virile, and naive–shows up instead.
Mostly this just felt over the top. Like I’m not sure it even knows what the top looks like. Basically no real plot–I could never figure out what Ashton was supposed to be doing or why the Christian(?) church was keeping a bunch of ninjas in its employ. Honestly it felt like everything was just a vehicle for throwing out every double entendre known to man. And after two pages of all that I really just wanted it to end.
TWERK IT by Ally Blue: 4.5 stars
Hugo (demon slayer extraordinaire) is hired to kill L’lousche (sexy sex demon) by a rich, but entirely sleazy porn-king. Yet the powers of L’lousche’s hot ass might just be the thing that slays the slayer. Multiple times. Not that Hugo would be all that upset about it.
I really liked this one. The story was great, and the characters felt real even though we barely get to know them. This version of hell (and its Mistress) was fun. Would love to read more stories with these two. Or maybe just in this world.
HELL IS WHERE THE HEART IS by Eden Winters: 3 stars
Vik’s mom, the BFD (Big Fucking Deal) of the sixth level of hell wants granddemons. And she wants them now! Too bad that her son (and half-human) Vik is not at all attracted to anyone who would make that possible. In fact the only person (er…demon) that he has ever loved has been forbidden from ever coming to the sixth level ever again. But momma will not be denied her granddemons…so Vik has one day to find a mate, or else his mom is finding one for him.
It had an interesting start, though it kinda petered out near the end. I guess it seemed obvious who Vik was going to end up with, and though the twist did make for an interesting read, it didn’t really pull the wool over my eyes. Plus is it so wrong that I want my demons to be evil(ish)? The end basically became fluffy, why can’t we all be friends and hold our demon hands and sing kumbaya? Not what I want out of my demons. Overall, the story was good, though a bit ho-hum at times.
NINJA, VANISH! by Kiernan Kelly: 4 stars
Colt and his three friends are actors on the kids tv show The Rainbow Ninja Clan Power Hour. They are poorly paid, unappreciated, and tired of not even getting to do the fun stuff (i.e. the fighting) on the show. Complaining that he is getting nowhere on the show, Colt says he’ll do anything for something better. And he gets his wish…but making deals with demons is never a good idea.
Well written and funny, I really liked this one. The characters were great, and the twist at the end was nice. This show that Colt and his friends worked on reminded me a lot of a combination of The Power Rangers and Captain Planet (ah...is that what my childhood taste like?). Wish we had more of Colt and Mo though, instead of skipping over their year together–hot demon-on-ninja action is hot–but since it is only a short story, I totally understood. Still…sexy demon time.
THE SOLDIER AND THE VAGABOND by Jevocas Green: 4 stars
Kioshi has no home, no money, no one to care about him. But he is fascinated by one of the soldiers patrolling the market area where he ‘lives’. But what chance has he of gaining the man’s attention? Except the man keeps coming to his rescue…so there is always hope. Or at least Kioshi dreams.
Present tense is not my favorite, but it really worked here. It was distracting at first, but once you get used to it, it stops being an issue and you’re so far into the story that you hardly even notice. The story was short–the shortest in this anthology–but it was well written. Wish there had been more there, because I wanted to know more about Kioshi and Tamotsu. It was a tad bit dub-con, so if you don’t like that, you should avoid it. But I thought was pretty hot.
A NINJA WALKS INTO A BAR T.C. Blue: 2.5 stars
Turns out that guy trying to pick him up in the bar is a little more literal with the ‘picking up’ than Dallas thought. Though maybe the whole kidnapping thing wasn’t so bad, since between hot stranger and gnarly demons, Dallas will definitely pick hot-as-sin Ki. Though…now he is in hell, about to be ‘tested’ by a Hell Lord, and no one will tell him what is going on. Or when he can go home. Or why the place seems so damn familiar.
This was the longest story in the anthology, and to be honest, it was just boring. Maybe it was the length, or the characters, but I could not get into this one (it may also have something to do with the fact that I was trying to watch hockey at the same time, but that is what commercials are for!). Dallas was annoying–just something about him rubbed me the wrong way–and he refuses to listen. Like ever. I think Ki had to tell him it was not the drinks making him all horny like five times before he even bothered to listen. Ki was pretty cool though. Liked how he was torn between his duty and his dick…I mean, his heart. I think others might like this, but me and Dallas just could not get along, so it was a rough read for me.
For the most part, I enjoyed this anthology. It wasn’t spectacular, but there were some real gems in there. And sometimes it was just nice to sit down and read a quirky story about ninjas and demons. I did love the variety here, and since no two stories were alike I never knew what was coming next.
RATING: 
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