Once upon a time, I met a man with the most amazing smile who would become the love of my life.
But chances are if you’re reading this, then you know that part already.
That’s not what this is about. The past. Not this time.
This time, it’s about the future. His and mine.
My fiancé, Eric Anthony Arvin, can no longer walk. He can no longer move his arms. Essentially, he is paralyzed from the neck down. He has sensation in his limbs that comes and goes. He can feel pain. He can feel heat and cold. He can feel my weight when I lay atop him, but he cannot move his appendages.
In every person there is something known as the phrenic nerve. This nerve allows you to breathe by sending signals from your brain to your diaphragm that tells it to expand. This nerve is essential for a proper respiratory process to exist.
Eric’s phrenic nerve has been (for lack of a better word) severed, and irreparably so, meaning that if he were to be taken off the ventilator, he would suffocate and die as his chest can no longer rise to inhale and fall to exhale on its own.
He’s lost much of his body mass. His arms and legs are sharp angles of knobs and bones. His clavicle juts from below his neck. His shoulders are harsh points underneath his skin.
He will most likely be wheelchair dependent for the rest of his life. He will most likely be ventilator dependent for the rest of his life.
Our plans for the future have changed.
Everything has changed.
And yet, he is still Eric. He still has the most amazing smile that I’ve ever seen. That wicked sense of humor is still there. I was repositioning his head for him as his neck was getting stiff and all of a sudden, a look of extraordinary pain came over his face and his mouth dropped open in a silent scream and I was horrified that I’d done something, anything, to hurt him. I immediately started freaking out, ready to run for the nurse when the pained look on his face dropped and he grinned at me and winked. Motherfucker was playing a joke on me. I punched him on the arm. Hard. He said he felt it and we both rolled our eyes.
By the time you read this, Eric will have been in the hospital for 2 ½ months. He only remembers the last few weeks of it, all which is the time he’s spent in the hospital in Ohio. He’s frustrated by this—losing so much time—especially when I tell him of all the things that have happened in those six weeks he’s missing. He said it’s like he’s been in a coma, and I suppose it is.
But I am so thankful for this, though I don’t tell him so. I am thankful he doesn’t remember the horror that was the respiratory hospital in Richmond. I am thankful he doesn’t remember doctors and nurses who didn’t give two shits about his well-being there. I can’t ever fully express to him the pain and anguish of having to leave him there while I went back home because I had to go back to work.
He might not remember. But I do. I remember it all.
He was worried that I wouldn’t want to marry him now.
“How can you say that?” I asked him the last time I was in Ohio.
“Look at me,” he said.
And I did. I really did. I saw the body that has shrunk. I saw the tubes sticking out of his throat. I saw the wires coming out from underneath the hospital gown. I saw the machines around him that are keeping him alive and will do so for however long he lives now.
And then I looked beyond all that.
I saw Eric.
“Look at you,” I said. We cried then. The both of us.
Since this has started, I’ve been called a hero. I’ve been called strong and brave and epic. I’ve been called all these things and more for standing by Eric as I have.
True? Maybe. Probably not.
Because I have been other things too.
I’ve been a coward. During the long nights when sleep won’t come, I’ve wondered darkly how things would be now if he hadn’t made it. It would have killed me, but at least he wouldn’t be trapped in his body unable to move.
I’ve been selfish. This is unfair! I’ve thought countless times. This isn’t what we planned! We were supposed to be married and things were supposed to be wonderful and nothing bad was ever supposed to happen! What about me? What about what I want?
I’ve been angry. At myself. At his family. At my family. Our friends. At everyone going on with their lives as if nothing had happened, as if this seismic quake hadn’t reverberated throughout the entire world and destroyed everything.
And at Eric. I’ve been angry with him. Unjustly. Unfairly. But I have. How dare he mess everything up? How dare he let this unknowable and uncontrollable thing happen?
I didn’t know before that it is possible to grieve though no one has died. I know that now, and I have grieved because I have lost and me, me, me and I, I, I.
Grief is cathartic. Grief is necessary. But allowed to go on to long, grief can be selfish and filled with rage and cowardice. It can consume you until there is nothing left but grief. It will fill all the cracks like glue and while you may be held together, your insides will begin to rot and grief will be all you know.
Trust me. I know this.
So on those days that I feel like a coward, that I feel selfish and angry and I begin to grieve once more, I think to myself about the nurses say they’ve never seen him smile as big as he does as when I am there. I think about how I curled up into his neck and we watched some show on the hospital TV about real estate in Hawaii and how we made plans to go there just as soon as he gets out, but deep down knowing we never will. I think about how when I heard he was able to finally have soft chocolate, I ran out to Walgreens and bought thirty dollars-worth of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I think about the look on his face when he got to eat one for the first time, like the experience was transcendent and he was achieving a stage of Nirvana that no one had ever been to before.
I think about the life we could have had.
I think about the life we will have.
It will not be easy. Eric will be released from the hospital soon and will go to his mother’s house until I can buy a house here in Virginia. We will all have to learn how to take care of him, from the ventilator, to the traech, to the catheter. We will all have to learn how to move him from the bed to the wheelchair and back again. We’ll all have to learn how speak functions on computers work so that he can still write and interact with his fans and readers.
It will not be easy. But then nothing worth having ever is.
“We’re not getting married now.”
“How can you say that?”
“Look at me.”
I do, Eric. I look at you and all I see is the man I am going to marry. I may be angry sometimes. I may be a coward. I may be selfish. But for you, I will also be strong. And epic. I will make us a home and I promise you that I will marry the crap out of you come November 8th. There is nothing more in this (un)brave new world that I want more.
Tj…thank you so much for sharing all you have with us. Yes you are brave and epic and everything you said and you know what else you are? You are the man who above all others, loves that man to no end. You are the man who not only sees how Eric is but was. You SEE the man you fell in love with because he is still there. Yes, he may look different but to you he is Eric, YOUR Eric and always will be. His body may have changed but his heart and mind are still the witty, sarcastic, loving and wonderful they always were….only for YOU. So yes, you will have to pull up your boot straps and get your game face on because this will not be easy. We all know this and wish we could help . We will be here if you need to rant or just sit quietly while you and Eric go through your lives. We will watch, what you allow, cheer for, pray for and just love you guys through this all. We are all excitedly awaiting for you to, as you put it “Marry the crap” out of Eric come November 8th! So carry on Sir Tj….bring that man of yours home when you can and enjoy the life together that you will have. It may not be as you planned but by God it is a LIFE. Hugs, Love , strength and healing vibes sent constantly to bot you and Sir Eric. <3 <3 <3 Let's Go!
There is always a future. It may not be the future you planned or wanted but it is coming like a freight train. You’ve got this. Let’s GO!
:'( speechless . Epic Love = this…
TJ you are brave but you are also Human and it is your humanity that endears you to us. We love you and Eric because we see ourselves but better and stronger and funnier and more talented. We love you both because you are Human. We love you because you embody Human love and all we hope for. TJ thank you for your honesty we are honoured by it and will be here in whatever capacity you require, as you and Eric get used to your new Human but epic new world.
True this. All of it.
Thank you for sharing such a personal, emotional and significant part of your lives. You are both inspirational.
TJ thank you for your unflinching honesty, that is something not many people possess. I am in awe of both of you. Sending you both much love & strength to face your (un)brave new world together. #LetsGo
You are both strong, brave and amazing. Human moments and all.
TJ – You are lucky to have each other. What a brave and honest post. We’ve all been concerned, not only about Eric, but you as well. Thanks for allowing us all a glimpse behind the strong face you’ve been putting up. There’s nothing more we can say or do but tell you the community is here for both of you, always. Keep being strong, keep going through those moments of grief. Keep going. Many hugs to you both.
I can’t come up with words to express how much this has touched my heart. You are both so lovely and so strong.
Your raw, honest and fierce love humbles me. I remain on awe of you both.
You don’t know me, but I feel I know you (I know it sounds weird), I read your updates and tears spring to my eyes and laughter lines appear around my lips, my heart feels your pain. But let me tell you this, you are an inspiration to everyone who has given up hope, please never change! My friend is going through chemo for breast cancer at the moment. I know it’s not the same, but when she’s had enough and doesn’t want to have any more treatment, I show her your updates. Your strength and courage shows everyone what can be achieved – she wears a “let’s go” T shirt which I had printed for her, whenever she has her treatment and wears it with pride! I’m proud of her and you – LETS go!!!!!!!
Love is love… Let it shine!
I am not sure exactly where you are working in Virginia, but I recommend trying to buy a house as close to DC as you can. There are some awesome hospitals there if and when needed. I know, I was trained at GWU.
Keep Shining and we will follow the glow your love emits 🙂
This love you two have, Tj & Eric, is beautiful, human, epic, sorrowful, and joyful. As agape as love was meant to, and should, be. I am so reminded of my parents’ love, as they struggled through ventilators, trache, muscle mass deterioration, and loss of mobility, and still their love, fraught with sorrow, grief, and sometimes anger, remained epic & agape. I’m still praying for you both & will continue to do so always. I love you, Tj, and Eric
Hi TJ, you are more a man then most men out there.
[…] Link to post here. […]
I love you guys so much. So damn much. Yes. And I want to come to the wedding.
TJ – I know that anger. I know that cowardice. I know that selfishness. And although it’s been twelve years since I’ve been there, I can recall those feelings with a clarity sharp enough to rip through a dozen layers of healing. You and Eric are about to embark on a path whose difficulty will only be matched by the rewards you glean along the way. And there will be normalcy, of a sort. There will be routine to numb what outsiders and others see as an exhaustive regimen of caring. But you will not see that it’s a regimen, and you’ll feel awkward when others call you brave. They don’t understand that you have no other option. You will do what you have to do because you simply have to do it. There are no questions in your mind. And you would not be anywhere else doing anything else. It’s a commitment many people won’t understand. Sometimes you won’t understand it, either. But then you’ll look into his eyes and you’ll remember. Your incentive will be his smile, a resource from which you will draw strength and courage. Be with him, be together , and be well.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey to this point. You and Eric are both brave and I wish you both all the best, knowing you will make the most of every moment you share. “Looking” through loving eyes opens you to really seeing. It’s obvious you and he have a beautiful connection from within.
You are a good man. Stay strong. Share your thoughts with loved ones, good and bad. Hug and kiss frequently. This will make your love even stronger.
TJ-
Your honesty overwhelms me. I had considered that you may have felt all of the things that you expressed, the ones to be proud of and the ones you feel some degree of shame for, but your bravery to face yourself is astonishing. And no, it will not be easy- but you know the simple truth that will keep you strong. Eric Arvin is the same man he was before. He is the same man you fell in love with. His spirit burns inside of his soul every bit as powerfully as it always has. You will marry the crap out of that spirit.
Time for a new normal. Not what you had planned, not what you had hoped for. But it is yours and Eric’s, and you two together will make it epic. Let’s go!
I have so much hope for the both of you. I still believe. Things will be different but that doesn’t mean you won’t be happy together.
True love withstand all things. So My Dear you and Eric have it for each other. A body is just a house for wonderful mind that Eric still have. So keep your head up and your mind clear to plan that wonderful wedding in November. We are expecting Pictures of that glorious day!!!
Dear TJ
As I see it, so many of us are not just fans of yours and Eric’s – we are extended family and as family members we are here for both of you 24/7 and if you need to rant and rave and share your tears that’s fine, were here for that. Were here to listen and to send both of you our support as well. I’ve never known anyone braver than the two of you or seen a love stronger than yours and Eric’s. In the end love wins, it always has and always will.
Sending tender, tender hugs and much love to both of you. Rachel
Thank you for sharing this with us. The love you both share is beautiful and I wish you much more love in the future.
Shit, Tj.
OK, this is bad, it’s worse than I thought it was going to be. I am so sorry that you and Eric have this heavy wyrd dealt to you. Do you believe in past lives? In the concept that we are here not only to live, but also to learn something new, and that thing that you’re supposed to learn will keep cropping up over and over, until you get it right? Could be, this is your thing to conquer this time around. Maybe it’s a new thing. Or maybe, in a past life, the technology was inadequate to the task, and your heart never leveled with the fallout. Or maybe, in a past life, you were the one on your back and Eric was the caretaker, and now you are switching places. Or maybe other people were involved… it’s all speculative. I just can’t stand the thought that these situations are meaningless, and I forever grasp for some kind of a cosmic explanation that might give direction to how to cope.
When my mother became so dependent on alcohol that she wouldn’t stick to her cancer treatments, I mourned her as dead. So, I know that part. I also wondered who we were in our past lives to each other. What was I supposed to learn? What did she fail to conquer this time – the bottle, or something else? All that fear and resentment and guilt – how could I process it so that, 20 or 40 years later, I could look back and have no regrets? It helped me to think that way back then. It might help you and Eric – I don’t know. Maybe.
My heart breaks for you guys. Yet, the first person that came to my mind was Stephen Hawking, in his wheel chair and technology aids and his brilliant, funny mind. And his wife, who stood by him all these decades. Sure, he’s a famous scientist and that gives him access to the best care possible, but he is also the ice breaker that makes way for other ships. I don’t know what you can draw from that, if anything.
Please allow me to embrace both of you. I will shed some tears for the future you could have had, and for the pain of adjustment that’s ahead of you now. And I’ll do what I can to help you along the way.
… what they said…
Hugs, hugs and more hugs, Z.
You guys Rock!
Love is not the fairy tale; love is dealing with all the tragedy our attempts at making it so generate and still believing. Love is not the white lace and beautiful bouquets; love is the sweat, tears, compost, manure and screaming at the squirrels that make the flowers grow in the first place. Love is much, much more than skin to skin in breathless wonder; a simple glance can meld your spirits and weave your hearts in a titanium frieze. When all is said and done TJ, you and Eric can claim with all honesty that your love was real, enduring and eternal; whether or not your corporeal natures allow the dance to continue in this lifetime
How many people on this earth can claim what you two have? In truth, not many. The selfish nature of the human spirit doesn’t always find enough room to stretch within itself and accept another.
Huge and Gentle Hugs to you both. Brighid Bless,
Carolyne
I started to write a post but decided to send it as a message instead.
Sobbing. True love wins. I have faith in both of you and your unquestionable love and devotion to each other.
Tj your words moved me everytime. It’s not easy but you’re human. Sometimes life puts in our path of the challenges. It’s normal to be angry but you will succeded, I know. You see again the man you’re in love and if Eric don’t see this you do understand him. There will be difficult days and other best but I Know that you will not give up. The way will be long but we are here for you and Eric. It is not much, I Know but sometimes some comfort words can help. I thought always and I sent all my love.
You are both amazingly brave. I can’t even begin to understand what you’re having to go through. Life throws us challenges and we meet them. Your feelings are perfectly natural. You do what you have to do to make yourself happy. Loving Eric, and his loving you, makes you both happy. Some people can only dream of a love like that. Wishing you all the very best. <3
Not only am I astounded at your generosity in sharing your hopes and feelings about this journey with your love but also by the comments made here. Your and also your followers are such an inspiration and must be a comfort to you. I sincerely hope you know that you are not alone and your friends here LOVE you and support you from afar.
Thank you once again for sharing such a personal and honest part of your life. As others have said, your openness is what makes people care so deeply about two men who most of us have never met.
You are all those adjectives you described: heroic, brave, and epic. And sometimes you are selfish, cowardly, and angry. The fact that you share your humanity makes you my hero.
You and Eric are going to rewrite your future together and hopefully you will be gracious again to share some of it with us. Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!!
There are all degrees of bravery. Honesty is among one of the most noble forms.
TJ you’re honesty, truthfulness fear, strength determination & above all LOVE are exactly what’s needed to ensure that Eric & You have everything required to start your new life together when Eric comes home. As has already been said, we’re here whenever you or Eric (once he’s familiar with the Pc software) want to let go of any frustrations.
Yes, another Facebook “friend” you and Eric have never met, but feels like I know you both and am compelled to send my thoughts and wishes through this cyber world we all reside in. Thank you so much for having the courage to share this very real part of your lives. Wow, reading your update was one of the most truly beautiful examples of real love I’ve ever witnessed. TJ you are epicly amazing, not only for your unconditional love for Eric, but in your courage in sharing not just the fun and happy highlights, but the real parts of life and the hard-truths in your lives that are happening behind the scenes. You and Eric are both inspirations for sharing such a personal part of your lives together. Love is never easy, but there is nothing on this earth more important or worth fighting for. Love is the one thing throughout this whole ordeal that hasn’t been changed, but has remained and even grown and flourished into the one truth that you both live for. Eric is still Eric with his million megawatt smile and wicked sense of humor, and you are still TJ with your courage and strength, and your own brand of humor and beautiful smile. We all look forward to your wedding in November as you and Eric continue your love story and your lives. Yes, it is still your love story, it is a different story then you both planned, but it will still be EPIC! Continuing to send love and light and thoughts and prayers to you, Eric and your family. Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!
Angie
Thank you for this honest and heartbreaking account of everything you’ve both endured since this started. I can’t help but think of another amazing man, Christopher Reeves. He also became a quad and was able to keep on going with the simple philosophy that despite all the tubes and physical limitations, he was still the same person inside. His wife Dana was his rock, as you are for Eric. It’s not easy an easy role, Tj, but you can lean on us when the it get too heavy. We’re always here for you. I’m sure you and Eric will find a way to get him back to a point where writing will be a very viable option, and interaction with all of us who love and care for you both will be a given. I look forward to attending the epic wedding in November via YouTube. All my love to you both…
Mickie
I don’t have anything eloquent to say. Just… we all love you both.
Thank you for this honest and heartbreaking account of everything you’ve both endured since this started. I can’t help but think of another amazing man, Christopher Reeves. He also became a quad and was able to keep on going with the simple philosophy that despite all the tubes and physical limitations, he was still the same person inside. His wife Dana was his rock, as you are for Eric. It’s not an easy role, Tj, but you can lean on us when it gets too heavy. We’re always here for you. I’m sure you and Eric will find a way to get him back to a point where writing will be a very viable option, and interaction with all of us who love and care for you both will be a given. I look forward to attending the epic wedding in November via YouTube. All my love to you both…
Mickie
Hello TJ and Eric,
I am feeling incredibly saddened by all what you both are going through these months. I hope that soon things get a little easier.
I met Eric in Hanover in 1998. He is one of the most intelligent and brave person I have meant in my life. I remember that sense of humor and that way of speaking that was truly special. He was awesome to me, a true friend in the brief time I stayed in the US. What a great guy he is. His huge heart and gifted soul and mind will overcome all the struggles of this unfair life that often punishes the best ones, the unique ones. Cause Eric is unique and he will always be.
Big hug for both. TJ, although we have never met I can see by what I’ve been reading that you are a very strong individual and as gifted as Eric. Keep fighting the way you both do.
TJ,
You don’t know me, or I you beyond what I’ve seen on FB, and chances are that will never change. Still, I want to tell you that the only thought going through my head when I read your post was; isn’t it a bitch when that moment comes when you discover that you’re ‘only’ human.
All the feelings you describe, the anger, the fear, the cowardice, the pain, the sense of unfairness are so very recognisable and, more than that, necessary. You need to feel all those things because if you didn’t you’d end up losing yourself in a major, clinical depression. I recognise Eric’s feelings even more. When you’re that ill and you know for certain that life will never be what you thought it might be, when almost everything you used to take for granted is suddenly impossible, when you can’t see anything in your future except being a burden for others it is very hard to convince yourself that life is worth living. I know, I’ve been there. I was 100% sure that my husband and daughter (only 4 years old at the time) would be better of if I just died. I was only four feet away from taking a month’s worth of medication in one go and just end it all.
But there was this man who refused to stop loving me regardless of the fact that I couldn’t walk more than 10 feet without having to take a rest, who didn’t care that he had full time responsibility of a four year old child, all the house chores as well as a full time job while his wife was slowly disappearing into nothingness.
I was lucky. While my doctors had all but written me off, nothing that ailed me was irreversible. I’ll never be a healthy person, insurance companies laugh at me when I ask for life or health insurance but I’m alive and better than I ever thought I would be. That wonderful man is still with me. He and my daughter dragged me back from the brink. The daughter’s now 20 and studying away from home. The husband still shows me his enormous love every single day of the year. Most times I don’t know what I did to deserve that love but when I say so he tells me to stop being stupid.
What I’m trying to say is that every single emotion you and Eric are feeling is normal. There is no need for either of you to beat yourself up for those horribly dark thoughts that will invariably sneak into your head. If there is a bigger plan behind our lives than I know one thing for sure. You and Eric are together because together you can face this and create a beautiful and meaningful life, just as my husband walked into mine because without him I probably wouldn’t be around right now to send you this message.
So embrace what ever it is you’re feeling. The hurt, anger, cowardice, etc wouldn’t be there if it wasn’t for the love you have for Eric. Trust the love you feel for each other to show the way to a life that may not be what you thought it would be, but doesn’t have to be any less wonderful.
The two of you are and will forever remain in my thoughts and prayers. You’re an inspiration.
Helena Stone / Marleen Kennedy
Okay – how can I say this? In trying to be realistic, I may sound hard and I don’t mean that. It’s important that I tell you not to forget yourself. There may come a time when you have to make decisions for your own survival that others may disagree with or that even you may disagree with. Just don’t forget that you’re human and not Superman. I understand every word you’re saying about grief and anger – believe me, I do.
That said, I’m assuming that Eric will need supervised care on a 24/7 basis and that will be horribly expensive. I would like to pledge a certain amount to give each month on a long term basis. The website donation page will expire long before your need expires. Please give some thought to setting up something permanent and letting us know about it. I’m sure there are other people who feel the same way. It won’t cover all the expense but maybe it can provide a little respite for the primary caregivers.
Andrea, realistic is sometimes good because it makes us see something maybe others may not have. TJ, along with what Andrea was saying about setting up a permanent donation site, don’t forget to reach out to other places that may be able to help. As a nurse and wife to a disabled person I know first hand that when you go home from the hospital they don’t always tell you what you need or where to go to get it. There are organizations out there to help unfortunately you have to hunt for them sometimes. I know of one organization that may be able to give you some help and or information, the Christopher Reeve foundation. Remember to take care of yourself and take time for you. You may feel guilty for the time but it is needed more than you think. Love, prayers and hugs to you both
You finally made me cry Tj. Throughout this whole ordeal I didn’t cry. I was trying to be strong for you both, be cheerful and happy. Sweet cheeks is an amazing man and I’m sure he will adapt admirably. Sending my love and my heart to you both. <3
You’re right Mickie. I remember Dana said to Christopher when he wanted to give up, “you’re still you.”
Eric is still Eric. <3
TJ, you need those releases when you rail at everything, it is a human reaction but necessary for you both to have these moments. As you say though, they also need to be put away until the next time they are needed so you canthen carry on with you new future. I look forwardto seeing pictures of your and Eric’s wedding – it’ll be amazing!
TJ you are an amazing, brave and honest man and so is Eric. Joy and love too you both.
As I’m reading this with tears rolling down my face my heart is breaking for both of you. I know that if it was mine husband I would love and hold onto him with everything I have. So all I can say is I will continue to pray for you both and I know that you both have this and so I say keep believing and let’s go. ❤️
Love always finds a way — just sometimes has to create a new path.
To have a future different to the one you expected or wanted can sometimes be the worst of all grief. One of the hardest things to come to terms with is… what happens next. You are exactly the person Eric needs.
Hugs to you both.
TJ,
We don’t know each other, though I’ve seen you and Eric at GRL the past couple of years. I am touched by your situation as it reminds me of how fortunate I am to have experienced something similar. My youngest daughter was born with very few developed muscles and can’t bend her arms or legs. That is the simplistic description. When the doctor told us all the things she’d never do, we grieved for the child we hadn’t had. We had two others and I sensed, even in those early days, that life for them would change in ways we couldn’t even imagine. It did, ultimately for the better.
I cried, even thought of running away with the other two, though that isn’t flattering and only lasted a few minutes. Not my proudest moment. My turning point? The morning my husband went to the nursery and brought her to my room at the hospital. He stood at the end of the bed, held her up with her little face pressed to his and said, “Get it together, Mom. We need you.” I smiled, we cried, and I got it together. Almost thirty years later, I still cry sometimes, for all she’s missed – running, dancing, curling up on the sofa to watch tv, but she lives and breathes, is funny, smart, and boy does she love her some Mom and Dad. She’s also married, works from home, graduated from college twice, and had a book published.
While she doesn’t know another life, Eric does and so do you. That will be something you’ll have to deal with along the way. No way to sugar coat that.
But the point of this note is to tell you that you should grieve, separately and alone. You can’t pretend that your whole world hasn’t been turned upside down. Anger and self pity are a part of the journey and there isn’t a time limit on it. We’re human. As time passes, they lessen as life evolves to accommodate the changes. Care-giving isn’t easy, but the reward is immense.
Many virtual hugs to you and Eric. Stay strong, but falter when you have to. Wallow in your grief, revel in it, until there isn’t left, or at least until you can cope. Grief is healthy as it’s always born of love. Show Eric your weakness. That gives him permission to show you his. Don’t try to be super TJ. Your love will be enough for him.
Today, with our daughter, the reward is in the fact that we have her, when we were advised to institutionalize her. Her smile and off-center sense of humor make every moment we are with her a joy. Her thank yous make all those tear filled nights worth it. Her love comforts us. Yes, she knows all the grief we experienced. She saw it and readily understood that we grieved a loss, hers and ours, and not her.
You might not feel much like a hero, like I didn’t feel much like the supermom people told me I was, but you are Eric’s hero, and that after all, is what counts, isn’t it?
In October you said at GRL “this man means the world to me”. The circumstances have changed the sentiment obviously hasn’t. We know you will make life for the two of you as good as it can be, so continue being the very HUMAN and WONDERFUL person you are. Eric will be in good hands, he’s shown his Hero status just by continuing to be.
Thinking of you both as I have since this started. Thank you for writing this astoundingly difficult and personal update.
Love is all there is. I feel we were put on this earth to learn that. You are certainly a great example of love. Having and receiving love are the most important things you can give and receive. Bless you!!!
You are a wonderful man and Eric is lucky to have you. At the same time, you’re lucky to have Eric. No, your life will not be what you had thought but it will be a life of love. I don’t know where in Ohio you are right now but if it’s Cleveland and you need a break, a home-cooked meal, someone to run an errand, please let me know. I’d love to help.
Love is everything! Be human…be in love!! You both “got this”!!!! <3
You are a strong loving man and the love you have for each other will keep you strong. As always I will keep you both in my prayers
Can barely see to type this I am crying so hard. You both are so amazing and I’ m so sorry this bas happened to your life. But love is all that mattersin the end and if you have it, you he everything. And Eric is so lucky to have you. Love you both and bless.
TJ – You are human. Humans are selfish, cowardly, loving, brave, and inspiring. How amazing we all are to know you and how lucky Eric is to have someone so real and honest. You’ll thrive on each other’s love.
You two are the embodiment of love, commitment, and bravery. I wish you continued strength, love and light.
Wow Tj. You and Eric have your work cut out for you. There is so much to learn and prepare for…take the strength that is offered, use everyone that you need too. Hate them too. Be selfish and needy and weak and take. Then share that love and hope with Eric until he can take it for himself, and maybe by November 8th you will be in a place together that you can turn from and be thankful. The ceremony of marriage is an important one for you especially, and so many people around the world are hoping to help pave the way for that to happen. Please continue to take what we all so freely offer to get that done. In the structure of a pay it forward kind of world we still owe you two so much, for sharing your works, your courtship, your love and your heartbreaks, this whole journey you are on, and we want to keep following along side you on it. My sincere love to you both, care-giving is a weird thing, I’ve been doing it for my husband for 20 years now and I’ve learnt a lot, about me and him, about hospitals and medical professionals, about family and friends and of all the things I have learnt it is the fact that I need to read everyday that brought me to you both, and the friendship of this community, and I need that too. So please take and take, and share back when you can and we, the royal we, will be here beside you both.
What I was going to say has already been said in the comments above. Just know you are surrounded by love and support that will move mountains for you if needed.
:’( I have no words to say how much I feel for you both, but I now know the reason you are both such wonderful authors you share an epic Love and by writing you share that love with us.
There are no words.
The story of TJ and Eric is a classic example of humanity’s ability to deal with unimaginable adversity. They are both heroes in the fullest sense of the word.
I am so sorry things turned out this way but one thing I am not sorry about is that despite it all, Eric is alive and able to be with you and all of us. Another thing I am not sorry for is that he has you, TJ, and all your love and you have his love and that marvelous smile and spirit.
It is so hard to know that you wont have the life you planned, that things have changed so radically. But that you have him alive with his old self there inside is so much.
I have been a caretaker my lifelong, with physically disabled and mentally ill people. It is very satisfying to know the comfort and security you bring them and though sometimes it is heartbreaking, it is the person you are and we would not change anything in you. There will be times harder than others and joyful ones that are yours and his alone.
One thing you have given me is the ability not to whine and protest about the things I don’t have. Your losses are so much greater, yet you bring an integrity, honor, loyalty and fierce love to help overcome the pain and give all you are to make Eric’s life be all that it can be.
Thank you TJ and Eric
You both are amazing….
TJ,
I just want you to know that I have mad respect and love for you and Eric.
Just remember that sometimes anger is the emotion that will keep you going when everything else wants to sit down and give up. Just don’t let it consume you, only fire your will to keep moving forward.
~smooches~
TJ, you are an amazingly strong man. Your strength comes from the love you have for Eric, one of the most heroic men I know. All I would tell you is to remember to take care of yourself as well; you can’t help Eric if you’re suffering as well. And I can’t wait for Eric’s next story. Write it together, write it with the love you share, and always remember that you have those of us who love you behind you every step of the way. You have my love and deepest admiration for both of you.
TJ, you are absolutely right about the grieving process. Good for you on working through it and not letting it take over.
My husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer and once he finally passed his family could not understand why I was able to handle it so well and some actually accused me of not loving him. But I had lived with that man for years before the illness and I lived with him every day that he was ill. I did most of my grieving before he ever got to the end. And he was there to help me through it. His family never accepted that he was going to die so the pain for them was worse than it was for me when it finally happened.
Make every moment count and love wholeheartedly. And good luck with the house hunting.
Tj, there’s nothing you can say to change my mind about the fact that I think you are one of the bravest and most voting people I can imagine. And that goes for Eric as well. Being brave has nothing to do with not seeing reality. In fact it’s about facing reality head-on and moving forward. And grieving for what you have lost and for what has changed is all part of that process.
I still think you both are an inspiration to us all. HUGS
I don’t know if I’m capable of loving someone else this much, and contemplating this lack in myself makes me feel like shit. I am in awe of you both.
I didn’t think I was either, I thought of myself as narcissistic and selfish. Then the situation came about and I found unexpected depths in myself. Not only was I taking care if people, but they were strangers. It was odd how easily and quickly I became attached to them and I think for someone you love, you would too. Not everyone is purposed to caretaking; those of us who are control freaks cant STAND not to be in control. But you find you will do what you can and no one on earth or the heights can expect more. Just your support means so much to them.
Tj, I’m not going to say anything sweet and fluffy, because it’s just not the time for that. People tease me because I say I’m an old lady, but one thing is true. I’ve lived long enough to learn that most grieving happens in the absence of death, and it is possibly more painful that way. However, grief comes with a ray of light because it opens our hearts to new kinds of love. I’m sorry you have to go through this, and I’m of course sorry for all of Eric’s pain and loss, but I’m still hopeful and glad for the love you hold.
Through FB I’ve been a friend of both Eric and TJ and seen their love grow and blossom. They are two of the most courageous and loving couples I know. Love and hugs to you both, always xox
What a beautiful post. My daughter Sasha and I sat here reading it together and she looked at me and said, “Mom, why are you crying? It will work out. They love each other.” That kind of sums it up, honey. Love to you both. You’re in our hearts.
You make me ashamed of all the petty things I’ve complained about in my life. My best wishes to you both. And my heartfelt admiration.
Hard. Hard, Hard. so many hard things in life. Wishing you miracles and happiness regardless of them. Love to you both.
Profound love and respect to you both. And if ever you feel the angry voices stirring, please remember that you two share a love that few are privileged to experience.
I’m grateful we live in a world where you feel able to share this with the global community – Eric’s physical situation and your emotional rollercoaster. Both of these things are natural states, and it’s okay to be experiencing them.
I became effectively bedbound by mental and physical fatigue 12 years ago. I had just gone to University, and while all of my friends were living common lives, they didn’t think to include me. It was hard to think people preferred the activity I used to do with them rather than my company, and they all left. I was left alone to deal with the news that I would never get better, and the fights with social security for the support I needed in order to live.
I thought there was something wrong with me as a person, and that I didn’t deserve to be happy. I had a laptop in bed with me, to connect me with the outside world. Through Doctor Who fandom, I met the amazing Hazel, who said, and I quote, “If they didn’t make the effort to stay in your life, it’s their loss and my gain.” I may have been an emotional wreck at the validation that I am valuable to be alive (despite my non-working status getting me jeers that I’m a drain on the community – only an economic one and I’m worth more than money). A few years later, another friend helped me realise that I didn’t have to be useful – my personality was enough to make a positive difference to the life of my friends.
My parents are my primary carers. There does need to be more than one person to look after a physically restricted person, so don’t feel bad for taking time for yourself. It’s not selfish to take time from yourself – looking after you means you can look after Eric better. I did wonder if my Mom was worried that she’d failed as a parent for having a sick child. It turned out that she was worried that my illness made me unhappy – my happiness is her top priority. That communication breakthrough made a huge difference to the unspoken worries about being a burden. I’m not a burden to her – it’s a joy to know me, despite having to do all the domestic things for me.
Despite the lack of useful support from the medical profession, and social security not giving me enough to live on, the unconditional support of my friends and family have given me an opportunity to research alternative treatment. I changed to an alkaline diet, free from synthetic fertilisers and low in sugar so opportunistic brain fungus’ can’t take up residence again. Now I’m getting better physically. First I had to believe it was possible – do you try and do something if you don’t think it’s possible? Actually, first I had to believe that it was okay to be ill, as then I stopped worrying and over exerting myself to be less of a burden. When I took time to rest, I got better. There’s no schedule to getting better, as that leads to expectation and frustration. “I am good enough” – a daily mantra to the mirror, 20 times over.
What happens to us isn’t our fault, but it is our responsibility to make it right.
I am so sorry that happened to you but it is often the case that friends and even family often struggle with the disability of someone or their impending death, etc because it hits too closely to their own sense of mortality or fear. They don’t mean to hurt the person but most of us don’t deal with tragedy well. It sounds like you learned to handle it but it can be lonely. I just hope you find someone to be helpful to you.
Thank you for your reply. In hindsight, I realise that neither me nor my friends at the time I got ill had any experience of people being ill, so we had no coping mechanisms. We were teenagers. I know they tried everything they knew on how to help me, thinking it would just take a few words of encouragement and *poof* I’d be back to my normal self, as every acute illness we’d ever had followed that pattern. Even I believed the ME/CFS would go away after three years of its own accord, so it was a shock to be told and discover otherwise. I know from my Dad’s cancer and death that we tend to internalise grief and feel helpless at watching the suffering of those we love. I’ve never been angry at my teenage friends for their distance, just confused. As you say, sometimes it’s too painful to realise mortality and face our fears.
Now I’m improving, I feel very strongly about helping young people have coping mechanisms for trauma, grief, illness and disability. The sooner we teach children about life not going as expected, the better humanity can cope.
I can see how the love you two share is your strength , joy and so much more. Thank you so much for showing us how that kind of love can make us strong. Thank you for your words they inspire me.
It’s hard to read this because it brings back so many of the things I’ve been through with Tony…from the vent to the trach to some very uncaring doctors. Whenever someone is that sick there are always disabilities afterward. We grieve in many ways, and sometimes not because someone has passed. One of the things that people found interesting when I went through what I did with Tony was that I “stuck around.” They didn’t get that, or at least not completely. I guess they all thought I would take off and leave him alone. But I didn’t. It never even crossed my mind once. And I have no regrets whatsoever. When all is said and done, you won’t have any regrets either. I never considered myself a very strong person, or even a hero. I NEVER thought I would learn how to use a “suction” machine for a trach. I understand how you feel about the hero thing. It’s normal and you’re just doing whatever you have to do to get through the day at this point. At least you can say you’ve done your best and will continue to do your best, especially for someone so young. I really hate that you guys had to go through this. But I’m also glad you’re handling it the best way you know how.
Ryan I have a very good friend whose girlfriend of 10 years died of breast cancer. When she was diagnosed and through to the end he was by her side. He took care of her and her needs. After her death he told me he didn’t understand why a lot of people wondered why he stayed by her side. They weren’t married or even engaged. He told me he loved her and there just wasn’t a choice to make.
My husband is disabled, in a wheelchair and has multiple medical problems. All of this happened to him after we were married for 13 years. We have been married 27 years this October. I have had friends and family ask why I don’t have him placed in a nursing home. I don’t take care of him because we are married or because he is the father of our children. I stay with him and take care of him because I love him and would regret any time not spent with him. Is it tough? Hell yeah. Do I scream, cry and get angry? Yes Do I regret my decision to stay with him and take care of him? No. I love him.
Oh TJ, in all that you wrote I saw a very normal human and very real person. And one that is truly in love. Love doesn’t take away all of the good or the bad in life. It doesn’t make you all know or all feeling. It doesn’t keep you from guilt, anger or sadness, hurt or any of those emotions that we like to believe aren’t a part of who we should be. Love just helps you get through it all. And your grief is so very normal. The life you thought you were going to have is now gone, and you grieve, as you should. But after that you live again and dream of the new life you’ll live with the man you love. And that is what keeps you going. Love.
You both inspire me every single day. I feel like you both got cheated. I’m angry about the situation you both are in, it’s not what any of your fans or friends would want for you two but I would be lying if I didn’t say I too am selfishly happy that Eric is still here, still with you. I’m happy that Eric is still here to share amazing stories and that you guys will still have an amazing loving life together. Hugs to you both. You both have come to mean so much to so many people. Your successes are ours and your pain is ours as well. You two have become like family to a lot of your fans and we will always be here should you two ever need us.
TJ – Many will go through their lives never knowing the intense loving bond that you have for Eric. The joint love you two have for each other can well emotions, break through barriers…and frankly, move mountains. An intense loving relationship doesn’t end when tragedy strikes, but instead navigators the rough waters and grows more stronger, even more profound. Most will never get to experience such love in their lifetime, and for this, I am grateful you two have found each other. I have no words of wisdom that will make you feel any better, no gifts to bear that will ease the coming days of personal struggle and hardship you will experience, no magic wand that can withdraw the pain of leaving the life you had and accepting your new path – but I do know, love conquers everything. Your love for Eric (and his for you) is undying, a stronger force than anything in this world. You two will make it, conquer the challenges and share new experiences that you will come to enjoy. Your is an unbreakable bond, and for that, I am grateful.
Aww, TJ! I’m so sorry that you and Eric have to go through this. I don’t know what I would do if my fiancee was in Eric’s position. But I do know that I could only hope to be as awesome as you. Because even though things have been hard and your thoughts haven’t always been positive, that doesn’t mean you haven’t been great. It just means your human. The fact that you are there, loving him just as before is why you’ve been called strong and epic. And you are. Stay strong and best wishes to you both.
I have no words. You said them all. Thank you for your heart, thank you for your truth. We all love and support you but it’s still YOUR fight, yours and Eric’s. You deserve a long and healthy life together. I know you will make every minute count.
x AJ
You are no coward. You are a human being. People who care for loved ones who have Alzheimers or MS or anyone with a completely dependent other has feelings of rage toward God or Fate, and feelings of rage and resentment toward the beloved. It’s unavoidable because the human spirit can’t go on forever going down an unlit tunnel without feeling weighed down beyond endurance. But when the love is there, as it is with you and Eric, the love will help you shoulder the burden of the care and the equal burden of your undeserved guilt. It’s a dreadful thing that has happened to Eric. But think how much more dreadful it would be if he were alone. I’m so glad he has you. Another comment referred to you as “strong and epic.” That is an awesome description of your devotion to Eric.
And since Eric can still smile and has his sense of humor, tell him Ruth Sims says “Enough already! Some people will do ANYTHING to get a little attention and he’s carrying this way too far.!” I hope he smiles a big one.
There is not much left to say, apart from that I admire your strength TJ and I really hope for a miracle for Eric. Don’t give up.
This touches my heart in so many ways. It’s what real love, true love is all about. Know that you have my thoughts, my prayers, my tears, and my wishes for miracles…always. I know you both and know you deserve joy. In spite of your challenges, I believe you’ve both found that–in each other. Much love to you both.
As the Editor-in-Chief of one of Eric’s publishing houses, I know what a joy Eric is to work with and how razor-sharp his humor can be. I’m so sorry that this is happening to both of you, but I can see that both of you are incredibly strong people and certainly destined to be together. My hope is that you’ve got the “or worse” part out of the way before your marriage, so you can focus on the “for better” part from here on out. Please know that everyone here at Untreed Reads has both you and Eric in our thoughts. If there’s anything we can do to help, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us and let us know. We’re here for both of you!
Best,
Jay Hartman
Editor-in-Chief
Untreed Reads Publishing
:'( So much love to both of you.
I have no words so I’ll just send you both my love. ♥
Stay strong for each other. God bless you both.
Just look at all of these blog comments. Some are from people you may know. Some are probably from strangers like me. But the one thing I see here is all the love and support people have for you and Eric. Things are going to hard. On both of you. There will be times you will want to give up…stop fighting and go back to bed for a month. You will have to deal with problems no other newly wed couple has to deal with. But in the end, you will not give up. You will fight. You will deal.
My heart goes out to both of you.
~Jesi Lea Ryan
No words, TJ. Just none. Love for you both.
We are strangers but I have been following your progress and so hoped for a complete recovery for Eric but it seems that right now that is not meant to be. What strikes me though is that it was destined for you and Eric to be together. I know that you didn’t meet all that long ago but yet still share a love that has already endured most than most have to face in a lifetime. I’m so glad that Eric has not had to take this journey alone—that he has you TJ by his side. There’s a larger purpose for you both and in time you will both know what that is. In the meantime, take care of each other. You will need his strength just as much as he needs yours. You remind us all that love is the only thing that makes life worth living. God bless.
Love is a powerful gift. You give that to one another. My warmest thoughts and love go to you both.
I learned many years ago that there wasn’t anything I would not do for those i love. As long as you have each other, then you have the world. I world without either one of you would be a very sad place, very sad indeed. You inspire me.
Love and hugs to both of you. You are so blessed to have each other!
I just want to say one thing. You have already shown so much strength and perseverance and plain love: just keep the hope up Miracles do happen, but also just being positive can make things better and you would be surprised at how attitude can help. Keep up rehab, quality of life can be so important, but just having you can make all the difference too. Such a bond is rare and to be treasured. I wish I had so precious a gift.
Ah, you touched my heart. I know how it feels to wish for the “perfect” life and think about how this is all so unfair. Reminds me of things in my life and, how, sometimes, I curse fate and wonder what I did wrong to deserve this life. Sometimes you just have to take three deep breaths and go on. Whether you think so or not, you really have touched a lot of lives for the better.
My heart aches, but I also rejoice that you have someone to love, and he loves you… It may seem small in the scheme of things, but it is also more than you both would have if you were not there for each other. Love is love.
Oh TJ it is breaking my heart, and the honesty you have just given to us is beyond words. I believe you when you say you are getting married in November, it is that focus that will get you there over this hard time, Hugs to you both.
TJ, though our circumstances aren’t exactly the same, they are a bit similar. My father developed Alzheimer’s a bit more than 5 years ago at the age of 65. It has progressed and my mother and I have become his caregivers. He is trapped in his body and there are many, many days when I think the same thoughts as you, the “what ifs” and the “it wasn’t supposed to be this way.” My dad gave up holidays to work and save, he gave up time at home to work and save and for retirement. My parents were going to travel. They were going to move out west. They had dreams. Things have changed.
Having someone you love–a parent, sibling, friends or spouse–experience this will bring out the best and worst in us. Both have to come out. It’s natural. It comes and goes. It passes. And both become a part of us again.
It’s going to be difficult and there’s no escaping that. But the two of you will also experience things together that no other couple will, positive things. The joys of that will far outweigh the bad. And you have an incredible number of friends looking in on you both. That kind of good will is pretty awesome.
Keep the faith. Keep the love between you. Take the journey together.
My mom passed from cancer when I ws 30. We were given a 3-6 month window so my sister and I took family medical leave acts to be with her…she wanted to be home. And during that time, we could have focused on all that was bad. Instead, life-altering events tell you who you are. They test the strength of your fiber. For what it’s worth, here’s what my mom taught me and it’s kept me optimistic for my whole life and carried me through the hard times.
1) everything happens for a reason.
2) no matter how bad things get, things will get better.
3) something good comes from everything.
They’re simple rules to live by and some would say they’re crap, but I’ve lost my mom, I’ve lost a lot of stuff, and I still believe the world is good and that people aree worth believing in.
Thanks for sharing your pain and your journey. This is what life is all about.
My best to you and Eric.
Doug
TJ you are the greatest of human beings and you will have my admiration and respect forever xx
TJ, If you read this personally, Sid knows me, so he also knows how to contact me. I used to work with patients who lived with a ventilator. Once was a young man, early 20s, who was a quadraplegic with many of the same limitations Eric now lives with from your message. If you EVER want to chuck a question at someone, or talk to one who knows how to do all the care you’re learning, I’m always available by email. But, first and foremost, I hope you are able to reach out to those in the medical profession close to you and have those nearby resources. It’s hard when people stop caring, but does happen to so many in the medical field. That’s a damn tragedy for every patient and family member they come in contact with, but not everyone is like that.
You scared me when you went silent. I knew why, and that made it scarier. Process as you will, grieve as you must, and know that you are not expected to be Superman for us or Eric. Just be TJ. It Is, and will always be, Enough.
Your both really strong wonderful people and i know you will both learn how to cope with your new life. Much love to you both. xx
Been in a similar situation. Things get better. I believe it is the shock of the new things and the fear we have of not being able to help enough is what makes things seem so bad. This part of the road will be rough, but look for the small miracles. They are the things that keep me going as my dh’s caretaker. That and the sense of humor that Eric and my dh seem to share.
You have such a way with words. I am amazed by you.
You haven’t said your vows yet you are living them. In sickness. This true love. Feel whatever you need to this makes you human. Sceam cry shout break cheap 99 cents store dishes in the back yard. You are blessed and to have love is a blessing. I love you both your in my thoughts and prays. Hugs and kisses to you both. Let’s go let’s go let’s go!
For the things that are painful to express, you expressed them well, TJ. Good luck with everything and I think the world will be looking for the video/pictures of your wedding. Because it will be epic and we are all rooting for you.
[…] http://sidlove.com/2014/02/23/unbrave-new-world-tj-klune/ […]
Tj and Eric: Thank you for living your lives in public so all can see and support and root for you and grieve with you. It is an unbelievably brave and generous thing you do to show there is such nobility in the world. I don’t know you, you don’t know me. But I would do anything to change what is and what will be for you. I can only offer to make it easier. And let you know that there will be bright days and dark days and I will be there for all of them as long as you will let me. There is a proverb that says when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. You are my teachers in matters of the heart. Thank you from the bottom of mine.
That was truly moving. I pray for a miracle for the both of you and the continued strength.
so so beautiful
Can’t say enough how humbling it is to read about what you’re going through and the love that imbues everything you write about your experience and your hero. Love, strength and peace always be with you and Eric
Dear TJ & Eric
All of our love continues to pour out for you both and it will not stop. Love is what made the Universe and it knows no bounds. There is only love.
I will continue to hold Eric up in my mind as perfect, because that is what he is! Perfect! I am so glad you see that! See Eric for what and who he is and not what lies in a hospital bed. He is the perfect creation of the Universe.
I remember seeing you both at GRL and the love and joy and congratulations you both gave me. I give it back. I give you love and joy and congratulations on all the good.
Love love and more love
BG “Ben” Thomas
There is always a future that we can make better or worse by the of how things are and the what its… You two are already making your future and it looks so bright and full of love. I wish everyone could have the type of love that you share. My wish for you is togetherness, happiness and love unending.
TJ,
There are no words to describe the heartbreak I feel for you. But also the hope, that you and Eric are able to move into a life that, while difficult, is also a source of joy, comfort and companionship for you both. The love is so obviously there already.
I lost my sister to a rare type of cancer a little over 2 years ago. What was supposed to be a two week stay at my home, far from hers, while she had her second surgery and a short recovery period, turned into a 3 month stay due to complications, and ultimately the loss of her battle. During that 3 month period, I learned to tend to a PICC line, hook up IV’s for her nutritional feedings, do wound care, tend to drains, and to keep track of all of the procedures, medications, doses, etc.. On more than one occasion, I would tend to her needs and then go into the bathroom, close the door and cry. Then I’d wipe my face, go back out and do it all over again.
It was overwhelming. But when there is no other option, you just do what needs to be done. And because of that experience, I learned that there is NOTHING that I cannot do or handle. The second thing I learned is to Ask. For. Help. And take it when it is offered. And three, allow yourself some downtime. You are human. Humans need rest.
Someone posted above about helping with the ongoing expenses you guys will be faced with. I’d like to help also. Please let us know how we can.
(((Hugs to you both)))
I’m sitting at home overcome with emotion. Tears running down my cheeks and a snotty nose. I have just read the most beautiful story about true love. I want to give both of you a big hug. TJ and Eric, you guys are surrounded by so much love and healing thoughts. Of course it will be tough, but you will get through it. Because you have to, there is no other way around it. Thank you for sharing this journey with us.
My partner and I have just celebrated 35 years together. Through all of the adversity, the sickness and the death around us, we remain each other’s rock, that fixed point that will remain there until we are parted by that which we must all face. You have given your all, and will continue to give. Heroes come from the most unlikeliest of places. You have found that part within yourself that is your rock. He is your rock and you are his. Never, ever give up. We are all heroes.
I am not very very good at expressing myself but after reading your latest blog and reading all your fans responses the words that came to me about you and Eric were…
” HOPE, WiCKED SENSE OF HUMOR & TRUE LOVE….
I am praying to God, Angels, Buddha & all the powers to be that they can cut you & Eric some slack and to give you guys some miracles while they are at….
love,
rebecca
Im not crying. You’re crying.