My recent blog post Community. What Community? i wrote about some of the issues damaging our m/m community. I was heartened by the number and quality of the responses clearly showing that there is a need for these issues to be discussed in a reasoned and responsible way without any aggression. One of the topics which brought a bigger response was the place of the ally in our community. This has been a real bone of contention recently and seems to me to often be misunderstood.
I personally like the definition to be found on Wikipedia which states that: A straight ally or heterosexual ally is a heterosexual and cisgender person who supports equal civil rights, gender equality, LGBT social movements, and challenges homophobia, biphobia and transphobia. This does not allow the ally to pick and choose which group the will support. If you are a true ally then you are an ally to all.
At the heart of my earlier blog was the idea that in our rush to highlight and to defend the rights of each sub-group, we are losing sight of the real goal of equality. There can be no place for homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism, ageism or any of the other prejudices which we see every day, even in our own community! In a misguided attempt at defending their own particular in-group, I fear that some of us end up expressing the kinds of prejudiced views we are surely trying to stamp out. If we each identify with our chosen letter of the alphabet we are at risk of denying the very equality that we seek. If each group then cultivates it’s own individual allies, we are just becoming more and more fragmented.
As a man I am not interested in allies, I want friends. I surround myself with people who I love and who are my friends no matter what colour, gender, sexuality or faith they are. If they are truly my friends then we will share the same principles and be allied to each other anyway.
The m/m genre is being hijacked by sexual politics. In our rush to highlight and to defend the rights of each sub-group, we are losing sight of the real goal of equality. There can be no place for homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism, ageism or any of the other prejudices which we see every day, even in our own community! In a misguided attempt at defending their own particular in-group, I fear that some of us end up expressing the kinds of prejudiced views we are surely trying to stamp out.
Allies are by definition bolt-ons to our group, whereas friends are actually a part of the group. We all know of the plight of gay teens when it comes to bullying, name-calling and ostracising. They need all the friends they can get. But what about the teen children of same-sex couples? Are they allies of the gay lifestyle or are they part of it? They suffer the same treatment. Maybe the allies in this case need allies of their own? Do you see how the idea dilutes the true nature of inclusion? I do not need allies to support me. I want friends so that we can support each other. For me alliance is a passive link, whereas friendship is an active. two-way bond which is altogether stronger and healthier.
T.J. Masters is a 61yr old Author living in Hertfordsire, England writing m/m fiction for Dreamspinner Press
Thank you for your post TJ. Very interesting. How can you be an ally of one group within a group? You may be more familiar with one sub-group, but that shouldn’t mean you are more supportive of those. Personally I consider myself an ally as per the definition you mentioned. I support equal civil rights for everyone.
Just as it should be Tanja. Thank you for taking the time to respond. Tx
I get where you’re coming from…it’s like people getting so bogged down in calling or not calling themselves feminists (because of whatever discomfort they have with what definition they have for the word) that they lose sight of its goals. I can definitely see the same problem looming for LGBT rights. While self-definition is an important part of autonomy, realizing how we should all be in this fight together matters more!
Equal rights for all. Acceptance by all. Equality for all.
How difficult can this be? I guess they weren’t raised by my parents…If you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything at all. If you see something wrong, speak up! Vote your conscience. Stand up for the oppressed…whomever they are.
Civics 101!!!
Definition of equal per Merriam-Webster
1
a (1) : of the same measure, quantity, amount, or number as another (2) : identical in mathematical value or logical denotation : equivalent
b : like in quality, nature, or status
c : like for each member of a group, class, or society provide equal employment opportunities
2: regarding or affecting all objects in the same way
Equal = Equal, no qualifiers needed
Thank you for the post. I think people get so stuck on the title/labels that they forget the real issues. We’re all human, we all have the same right, just let people live their life and live your own the way you want to. Just respect each other.
Reminds of one of my friends in the community, who says he doesn’t like labels, once one is given, walls can also start going up. And I set out starting way back in H.S. to tear down those walls. I’m more familiar with groups that help with that in the U.S., but I was wondering what some of the key groups in England are that support equality?
Thanks for your post. I agree that equality should be for everyone.