Hi! I’m Avon Gale, and the folks at Lovebytes were kind enough to ask me to do an author post. It’s December, and for a lot of people that means getting ready for the holidays. I’m the worst at holidays, to be honest, no matter which one it is. I don’t decorate, and I generally only like Halloween because it involves that most sacred of all substances…candy. My husband and close circle of friends are also not holiday people, which is great. We basically get together and do something fun – sushi, movie night, etc – and call it good. A few years ago I left my job in non-profit fundraising to go to beauty school (which ended with me…being a full-time author, because that’s how I roll), and while I was in school I worked at Sephora to bring in a little extra cash. (Lies. I spent a lot of it on makeup.) I was subjected to enough loud, blaring (that is, I swear, the only setting for music at Sephora) Christmas music to last me until the end of all things.
Anyway, my point here is that I’m not a huge Christmas person, and this often confounds people (unless they too have worked retail at the holidays). I’m literally the one person in the world who hates the movie “A Christmas Story,” I have an irrational rage blackout at “It’s a Wonderful Life” and I don’t want to say I’m a Grinch sympathizer, but those Who toys would have given me a headache, too. I’m just saying I get why he scoped out that mountain.
(This is the happiest holiday post ever, isn’t it? They’re never going to let me do this again, you guys.)
So, while I’ll tolerate the movie “A Christmas Carol” because, okay, fine, I Iike that one, and maaaaaybe I get a little misty-eyed at the Charlie Brown tree special, my favorite holiday movies are…well, I’ll just tell you what they are and you’ll see. These are the movies Mr. Gale and I watch every year, in honor of the holidays. If you’re not a traditional holiday person, maybe you like watching these, too. A lot of them are horror movies. I regret nothing.
This is the BEST movie to watch at Christmas, and it has the creepiest monologue ever in a movie, right up there with Quint’s from “Jaws”. It’s when Kate talks about her father playing Santa – you know the one I mean, if you’ve seen this movie. Gremlins is awesome — it has tiny little creatures in miniature costumes in a bar! Smoking! Wreaking havoc! I love this movie. It is probably my favorite holiday movie of all times, and who didn’t want a Mogwai when they were a kid? My only issue with this movie is the bizarre stipulation to “never feed it after midnight” because starting at 12:01 that’s basically every time, so I feel like it would have been easier to tell Billy what time he *could* feed it, but whatever. It’s awesome.
Nothing says holidays like explosions, ridiculous dramatic plans and Alan Rickman quoting Alexander the Great. This one might be extra-sad this year, since Sir Rickman is no longer with us. Now he has no more worlds to conquer, et al.
This movie stars a former professional wrestler and is ridiculous in the best way. It’s a black comedy in which Satan/Santa (yes, they go there) has to be defeated by the angel who once triumphed over him in a curling match. It’s over-the-top and absurd, and so much fun. Do not expect this to make sense. But all the points for the pun title, amirite?
This is a recent movie, about a suburban family menaced by a very evil version of jolly St. Nick. It has some really neat special effects and an ending that utterly delighted me. There are evil gingerbread men! Killer toys! And the evil Santa was freaky and awesome. There’s a nice mix here of dark comedy and genuine horror, which isn’t easy to pull off.
5.Futurama “X-Mas” episodes
Not a movie, but Mr. Gale and I watch both of the Futurama Christmas episodes because they’re awesome. After “Mystery Science Theatre 3000” this is my favorite show, and the take on Santa as a robot gone bad is very fun.
6.A Christmas Carol (with George C. Scott)
If you’ll notice, I’m a bit of a horror buff so that’s probably why a lot of these skew toward horror. I appreciate good dark comedy, and I think that’s why I like all the movies on this list so much. Except for the last one, because even us Grinches get to have a bit of a sentimental side.
Look, maybe I only like Christmas movies if there’s a ghost or something in there, I don’t know. This is honestly a nice tale about how it’s never too late to stop being a jerk and do something nice for someone, even if it shouldn’t take three ghosts keeping you up all night to make you realize that.