So, 2016 so far has been filled with some very high ups and some very low downs. I haven’t really discussed the lows publicly but I think they are a big part of the reason my productivity has been fairly stunted this year. I wasn’t in the right head space to concentrate on happily ever afters when my own happiness was teetering on the edge.
And then I got pregnant.
We had been trying for a while and I was absolutely over the moon when the test came back positive. I was also aware that it could mean the productivity would dip even lower. When I was pregnant with Nugget, I don’t think I wrote a single word the entire time. I was tired. I was busy. We were moving and to be honest, I just didn’t feel like it. So far, it seems like this pregnancy is turning out much the same. I’ve felt guilty about it every day. I know there are readers waiting for the third Zero Hour, which makes me feel even guiltier, but the last few months, each day has been more about surviving until 8:30 (Nugget’s bedtime) than anything else.
I don’t know how other moms do it. I know there are women out there who are writing up a storm with small children playing at their feet and as their bellies swell, so do their word counts. They are showered daily and their hair is styled in something other than a ponytail. Their shoes match their purses and they leave the house for more than a quick grocery run. I am not one of those moms. I just can’t be, and I’m kind of tired of beating myself up over it.
My second trimester energy surge hit a few days ago. I’ve felt so much better, but my manuscripts remain mostly unchanged. My house is cleaner than it has been in weeks, but I still haven’t written. Tomorrow, I am going on vacation. We are leaving first thing in the morning for the Oregon Coast and I cannot tell you how much I have been looking forward to this. Originally, I planned to take my laptop and hunker down on the balcony, to let the ocean fuel my creativity, and write, write, write. Now, I think I might leave the computer behind.
I’ll be gone for ten glorious days of sand and salt water, aquarium visits, boardwalks, candy shops, and bonfires. I’m going to take those ten days to decompress, to spend time with my family, and to just be a mom for a while. I have hope that I’ll come back feeling recharged and regenerated and the words will flow once more.
See you all in a couple of weeks!