Showing Emotions
Hi there. For those who don’t know me, I’m Kaje Harper. I’m a writer, and when Dani asked me if I wanted to do a monthly blog post here, I was really flattered. I said yes. Then I said, “What should I write about?” And she said, “Anything you like.”
Oh. Um. I’m not a frequent blogger. I envy those authors who can make readers laugh and sigh, day in and day out, with their humor and commentary. (Amy Lane and Edmond Manning, I’m looking at you.) But still, it sounded like fun to try. So what you’re going to get, once a month, will be… whatever I happen to be thinking about at the time.
Today I was wondering why some of my very favorite books, the ones that make me laugh and cry and fall in love, don’t always have the same effect on my friends. And why do their heart-catching favorites occasionally leave me cold? Why do they seem to see, judging by reviews, a different story with different characters than I did? And why do my own guys get such varied reactions? Is my writing not clear? Is it the color of their eyes? I saw a long emotional discussion between readers about whether Mac was a coward in Life Lessons for not coming out or Tony was a bully for asking him to, with about equal divisions of opinion.
It brought home to me how much of themselves readers bring to the books they read. And I think it happens even more when I and many of my favorite authors make a big effort to show and not tell about characters’ feelings. That can be a double-edged sword.
When I tell—“He was furious.”— it may not catch my reader’s empathy, but it’s pretty clear what my character’s emotion is. When I show— “He clenched his teeth and took a short, sharp breath.”— the reader may feel caught up in what my guy is feeling, but they also may misinterpret it. Maybe to them, clenched teeth mean determination. Or pain. Or nausea. In which case they may feel very differently about the scene. It turns out that the physical language of emotions, the actions and symptoms, may be far from universal.
Sometimes the differences are cultural. When I have one of my guys drop his gaze, it may be simple politeness in one reader’s culture, and a submission in another. If someone yells out “Motherfucker!” is that a reasonable expression of frustration, or a disgusting out-of-control display? Past experiences also play a role— do you think a character is being honored or mocked or diminished if someone holds a car door for them? Does the phrase “he narrowed his eyes” make you think of anger or concentration? Is a clenched fist control, or a threat?
The more an author invites me into a character’s head by showing me his actions and reactions, the more they’re counting on me to make the same inferences they do, about what those physical tells are actually supposed to mean. I wonder how often the reason someone doesn’t like a book I loved is because I saw a character’s smile as affectionate while they saw it as mocking, or I interpreted a catch of breath as fear, and they detected anger.
Showing emotions turns out to be a cooperative dance between author and reader. When we’re on the same page, it’s magic, pulling the reader deep into the character’s life. When our experiences lead us to different interpretations, it can push us out of connection with the story. Perhaps part of the reason one author appeals more is because we’re on the same page in the language of emotions. And perhaps the times my friends and I disagree, we’re watching a character grit his teeth in anger/ pain/ frustration/ determination and each of us is seeing it differently.
I’ve become fascinated to see that in my own reviews, for Tracefinder: Contact, for instance, where the main characters are the most complex and flawed that I’ve written so far. My cop character, Nick, has anger issues. He’s prone to hit things in frustration, to lash out with harsh words when he is confused, afraid, or upset. Nick could really use some anger management advice, but he’s a loner with a tough self-image, so right now he’s winging it.
One reader may see Nick as “a guy who has, for some reason, an uncontrollable need to beat the shit out of people,” and that’s not something they find appealing. For them, I obviously failed to express “some reason” in shapes they could empathize with.
Then another reader will say “Nick isn’t just imperfect— he’s kind of an emotional mess.” They see that Nick is battling his own demons, but perhaps not what those are.
And then someone else writes, “Nick was an interesting character. He had a lot of beef going on, but after learning what he’d gone through his entire life, I understood why there was so much anger in him.” They completely got what I tried to show.
All of those people read the same words on the page, but brought from it a picture of Nick shaped by their own interpretations, and experiences with anger. So, as I debate now in writing the sequel between having Nick swear or throw his cup, between gritting his teeth or clenching his fist, I’m trying to choose the actions and sensations that will help most readers to empathize. I’ve also learned that sometimes telling isn’t a bad choice. When people need to know that his heart pounded with fear, then it’s useful to say so.
That’s the fascination and the craft of writing. Figuring out what drives the characters. Revealing that to readers in ways that resonate. “Telling” sometimes, when it serves a better purpose. Making the emotions, including negative ones like anger, part of the appeal of the story.
And it’s fun. There’s really nothing like being a writer, where showing anger can be challenging, fascinating, and a very good idea. As long as I recognize that no two readers will experience my words in quite the same way.
Kaje Harper – Bio
Kaje Harper grew up in Montreal, and spent her teen years writing, filling binders with stories. But as life got busy, the stories began to just live in her head. The characters grew, met, endured, and loved, in any quiet moment, but the stories rarely made it to paper. Her time was taken up by work in psychology, teaching, and a biomedical career, and the fun of raising children.
Eventually the kids became more independent and her husband gave her a computer she didn’t have to share. She started putting words down in print again, just for fun. Hours of fun. Lots of hours of fun. The stories began piling up, and her husband suggested if she was going to spend that much time on the keyboard she ought to try to publish one. MLR Press accepted her first submission, the M/M mystery Life Lessons, which came out in May 2011. Kaje now has many novels and short stories published, including Amazon bestseller The Rebuilding Year, and a selection of free short stories and novels in a variety of gay romance genres, available on Smashwords and elsewhere. She currently lives in Minnesota with a creative teenager, a crazy omnivorous little white dog, and a remarkably patient spouse.
Website: http://kajeharper.wordpress.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KajeHarper
Goodreads Author page: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4769304.Kaje_Harper
Great post, Kaje!
Even among my close-knit reader friends I often have different feelings and views after reading the same book. After all, reading is a very personal experience, imho. 🙂
yes, and even a day to day one sometimes. My feelings for a book can be filtered quite differently though the remains of a tough day, when a character raising his voice may make me want to ignore him rather than sympathize. It’s kind of cool, really, once I let go of the idea I can control it all.
Kaje, it’s always great to hear from you, be it at GR, in a monthly guest column, or in one of your books. Interpretation of a book, or a character within a story, is so personal. Following this blog and a couple of others, and watching the GoodReads group threads is enlightening, and a bit of a study in human nature. Or, better said, a lesson in the diversity of emotional reaction amongst readers. Enjoyed this post, and really looking forward to your next blog post.
Thanks for that 🙂 And yes, these internet sites are an interesting venue for studying aspects of human nature and diversity (which hopefully helps make my understanding, and the books, better.)
How true! Such different reactions to books depending on the reader and that person’s experience. I do think that each of us as readers should look at our own biases when reviewing books. I do that constantly in my reviews. I recently reviewed a book about a cancer survivor and I had SUCH a negative reaction to the character and his behaviour. My best friend from grammar school passed away last year from a very aggressive cancer leaving behind her three children and husband. My father had cancer when I was 12. Just two of the many cancer stories I’m personally familiar with. So I did put right in the review that although the writing is very good (I’m a big fan of this author and have LOVED other series/books from her), I just could not like this character and that affected my enjoyment of the book. I explicitly explained where I was coming from, but mentioned your mileage my vary 😉
That’s exactly it – the personal involved in the written words. And it’s not a bad thing – the personal positive connections are what also make you love and identify with other characters in other stories.
It’s one of the things that make longer reviews interesting to read, when you don’t just say “this one didn’t work for me” but express somehow the places that you lost connection with the character and why. Cool for us to see the rainbow of reader reactions, and gain some appreciation of how differently people can respond.
Wonderful post, Kaje!
<3 Sammy
A wonderful post, Kaje. I often feel that the books I love most were written just for me and nobody understands them like I do. Even superbly popular books like Harry Potter. That is the beauty of reading (IMO). While you are actively reading (and often for ages afterwards) that book becomes your world. No matter how many other people adore it, to me it is mine. Does that make sense? Those characters are a part of my world in a way they aren’t of anyone elses. I think certain authors just capture a way of writing that speaks to me – to my soul for want of a better way of putting it, that doesn’t sound quite so far fetched? Intense? Nonsensical?
And as for Mac – one of the most romantic scenes I’ve ever read is the court scene. Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps.
I love books, what can I say…I may need help.
🙂
I don’t think there is anything wrong with any of that – no help required 🙂 That’s what authors want for all readers – for them to feel they have a personal connection to the characters. That’s what leads to a lot of fan fic, and readers becoming authors, I think – that deep identification with fiction. So I share it too 🙂
A very interesting post, Kaje, with lots to think about in ‘showing’ and ‘telling’.
<3 Your guys emotions always seem to resonate for me, so I guess we speak similar languages.
Fascinating post! Your point about people interpreting descriptions of emotional response differently based on their own experience & culture is one I never thought about much before but I think is spot on and also true about real life. Something to keep in mind when someone reacts in a way I don’t expect.
Thank you!
I’m trying to extend that acceptance to real life as well, the moments of “why isn’t it obvious to you???” Realizing that even in logical debate, there is a lot of baggage coming along with the interpretation.
Thanks everyone for stopping by and joining in the fun. I love how reading is both a communal experience and a very personal one. <3 the input.
You expressed much more clearly the reasons why two readers never read the same story even though they have the same words in their books. Also I just wanted to say I recently read your books ‘The Rebuilding Years’ and ‘Life Some Assembly Required’ I absolutely adored them both. Thank you for sharing your awesome stories with the world.
<3 Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed John and Ryan (a case in point – is John calm, compassionate, or weak for the way he responds to his ex-wife? The varied and perfectly valid perceptions may depend on a reader's own experience with someone like Cynthia.) I'm always delighted when my stories resonate with someone.
You make excellent points, Kaje. I sometimes find that when I revisit books, I am in a very different frame of mind than I was the prior time…and have a different reaction to things. I also have to be sure I am not reading the same genre over and over again so I have a fresh appreciation for the story. I am sure that it is disconcerting for you as an author to be ‘told’ by a reader that your character(s)’ motivation is very different from what you intended, lol.
I actually am very behind in writing reviews, so I keep revisiting Tracefinder with the intention of writing it up, but I actually loved watching Nick evolve in his relationship with Brian and am looking forward to seeing where the series goes!
Thank you for stepping out of your comfort zone and writing blogposts so that we get to know the author behind all of your great stories!
🙂 I just handed the second Tracefinder book over to beta readers. The subtitle is “Changes” because Nick (and Brian) still have some serious evolution coming.
Interesting! I’m always struggling with this as a writer because I think it’s in the nature of human communication (including body language) to misinterpret, and that’s the fun for me when it comes to a story–how different people can see a scene differently.
Telling dispels that mystery, that difference of interpretation that can lead to great discussions or thoughts about why a character behaved a certain way, and what that might mean for ourselves and our perceptions of other’s behaviors. However, like you said, it can be supremely useful when you just want to get the emotion across to the reader without ambiguity.
Thanks for this post. It made me think about why I find unreadable certain types of characters that other readers swoon over, and why I fall for characters other people can’t stand. I think my personal history and what I’m attracted to, in reality and fantasy, plays a part like you said, in how I interpret what an author has shown, but I like having that “choice.”
I’m in favor of “showing” as much as possible – I like letting the reader bring their perceptions to the story (and it feels like respecting their intelligence and acumen, to let them interpret my guys.) But I’m coming to understand and accept better that when someone says “John is a wimp” it’s not necessarily an avoidable error in the way I wrote him. I can try to do better, but even fine judgement on how explicitly to lead the reader by telling is never going to work for everyone.
Thanks for a very thought provoking post. This maybe even explains why we may see things we didn’t or why we feel differently when we re-read a book. Because our heads aren’t necessarily in the same place each time we read.
I agree – there are a lot of things that affect how a book feels on a reread, but for me the emotions are paramount. If I’m coming from a different place as I reread, then what seemed sweet may feel saccharine, or what seemed over the top back then may catch my heart, if for example I just read a real life scenario that matched.
Hi Kaje- Enjoyed your blog post. I just finished Life Lessons Book 1 and I’ve moved on to Life Lessons Book 2, so i can definitely say that the way your characters show emotions works well for me. No, I don’t agree with every emotion they express, particularly Mac, but I understand the way he feels. Thanks for sharing these thoughts with us!
🙂 Your characters have worked for me too.
“Show” – when it means just showing an action – usually doesn’t work for me for exactly the reason you describe. If there’s no clue as to the feeling that prompted the display, it’s just stage direction.