“I have spent a good many years since–too many, I think–being ashamed about what I write. I think I was forty before I realized that almost every writer of fiction and poetry who has ever published a line has been accused by someone of wasting his or her God-given talent.”

–Stephen King, On Writing

I have never been ashamed of my work. As an out and proud bisexual woman, I challenged anyone to to try to shame me about writing romance in general and gay romance, BDSM, or erotica specifically. My mother was proud when I published, though she wished I’d write something she could read. My family, my friends, my co-workers—they all knew who JP was and what kinds of books I crafted.

I’ve dated men who were ashamed, however, telling me they couldn’t friend JP on Facebook because they didn’t want anyone to see they were associated with someone who *whispers* writes that gay stuff. During my last relationship, he went so far as to require me to create another Facebook page. He wanted a visible girlfriend, but not that JP chick. So, I created a page under Trish Barnaby and built up friends. I could tag him in pictures there as long as I didn’t connect my alter ego or anything she did (IML, Gay Days, etc.). Hiding not only my writing, but me as a person was exhausting. He expected a sweet Southern girl with a sweater and pearls he could take home to mama. That’s just not me.

As a result, over the years, I resigned myself to hiding if I ever found that person I wanted to be with. It seemed like a small sacrifice to find love, right? Just hide my body of work, the work I’m so damned proud of. I can do that. I can be the girl that person wants me to be.

So, you can imagine my surprise and my suspicion when the guy I’m dating friended JP (the man I used to call Mr. Fifth Date, and now call boyfriend). Not only did he friend JP, but he tags her. When he started doing that, I hurried to clear up the publically visible part of my page (hiding that pic of me holding a flogger to Andrew Grey). He said I didn’t need to do that. That he liked me just the way I was and I didn’t have to change for him or anyone else.

Does that happen?

Like ever?

Recently, he tagged himself Facebook official with a gay erotic author, and he couldn’t be happier. He not only reads my books, but as an avid reader, he’s started to beta for me. He’s reading the new Aaron book (Anthony) as I type this, making comments and suggestions. That, more than anything, instills in me that he really does love me because he supports the things I care about. He doesn’t want to hide me because he’s proud of me. In fact, I asked him if Anthony was the first book he’d ever read before it’s been published (it seems kind of commonplace for us because as authors we beta read for each other). He said it was, and that “having an author girlfriend is awesome”.

Awesome—not embarrassing.

So, for those of you who struggle with the people in your lives about what you write—I’ll repeat those words of the master himself, Stephen King— “almost every writer of fiction and poetry who has ever published a line has been accused by someone of wasting his or her God-given talent”. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re wasting yours. If your name is on the front of that novel, it something to be proud of because that book took a hell of a lot of blood, sweat, and editing tears.

Have pride in your work.

Have pride in yourself.

XOXOXO,

JP Barnaby