Today we welcome author Posy Roberts to Love Bytes ! She is stopping by on our GRL Featured Bloggers Tour . Find out what buying a printer can lead to 🙂
Welcome Posy !
I bought a new laser printer, and before I even had the thing all the way out of the box, I knew the plug wouldn’t work. It’s a three-prong plug and the only outlet I have where I need my printer is a two pronger. ARGH. I have a feeling I’m not alone in this experience.
Things don’t always fit or you have to do a heck of a lot of work to make them fit. In this instance, I need to buy a cheater, replace the outlet with a new GFCI outlet, or call an electrician to rewire my whole house. Guess which option is not going to be happening.
But what does this have to do with romance? A lot. Do you rewire your entire self for a lover? Some people actually do or at least attempt to, but after a time, their old selves come out. Thankfully. Adapting some is normal and expected in relationships you want to last but not at the detriment to self. Your lover fell in love with you, after all.
I love to read and write about characters struggling to fit their lives together, because that’s how the world actually works. It’s not all fairy dust and rainbows with the across-a-crowded-room and BAM you’re in love moments. Has that happened to anyone? Lust, yes. Love, no.
I want realism. I want to see characters deal with real life problems as well as the more spectacular ones like learning to live with a horrific medical diagnosis or the shock of a bomb destroying the safety of a home.
I think most people enjoy reading about those moments because the outer defenses of characters are worn down, and we get to see glimpses of the real deal. We see vulnerability. We see weakness. We connect with those characters on a deeper level then because we see parts of ourselves in them to empathize with, or we see someone we are terrified of and want to avoid at all costs.
Reading can tell us so much about ourselves if we’re willing to listen. When I started to read—and then eventually write—MM Romance, my husband didn’t know what to make of it. Around the same time, my reading made me see the importance of coming out bisexual despite being married to the opposite gender for fifteen years and dating mostly men prior to that. It was a complicated mess for a while.
My husband wondered if we no longer fit. It was a time of huge change in our relationship.
Insecurities were reluctantly admitted and we both felt flayed open after some of those talks. But we kept talking, much like characters—eventually—do in our beloved books. No rewiring was necessary. My husband and I both adapted like our favorite characters do, and thankfully the hubby and I are working better than ever. Now we’re living in our HEA.
So I will continue to write about the challenges we face in real life like I did in North Star, my trilogy made up of the titles Spark, Fusion, and Flare. These novels were written after my best friend told me about her cancer diagnosis and then worried about the future of her children. I wrote three novels because of one agonizing conversation that happened while we walked around a lake. Right now I’m writing a story where a man is learning to deal with his PTSD and anxiety, and in December, Dreamspinner Press is releasing my story Tangled Mind. It’s about a man struggling with his codependent tendencies so he can be in a healthy relationship where he doesn’t try to rewire himself for his lover for the first time in his life.
These are issues people struggle with everyday, but I think they’re worth writing about. Which real life issues do you wish you could read about? If you’re going to be at GayRomLit in Chicago, I’d love to talk about this face-to-face. I’ll be there as a supporting author. If you aren’t attending, come visit PosyRoberts.com to check out my backlist of books.
Posy Roberts lives in the land of 10,000 lakes and loves how the healing nature of water is just outside her door. She’s married to a wonderful man who makes sure she eats while she documents these character’s lives. She also has a remarkable daughter who helps her come up with character names. When she’s not writing, she enjoys crafting, hiking, and singing spontaneously about the mundane, just to make normal seem more interesting.
Rafflecopter prize : backlist copy winner’s choice
Great post Posy. I agree that we shouldn’t have to “rewire” ourselves, not just for a lover, but for anyone. Congrats to you & the hubs for being able to work out what was obviously a large hurdle for you. I’m a GRL newbie this year so I look forward to meeting you! Oh and I absolutely LOVED your North Star trilogy! 🙂
I hope to see you at GRL. I’m a newbie too so I might be hiding behind a ficus tree or something else tall. 😉 I’m thrilled you enjoyed North Star. 😀 See you soon!
I will be at GRL and I hope we get a chance to meet up but in case we don’t I will try to answer the question here. One thing that seems to be pretty common in romance is that one or both of the MCs are rich or at least have enough money to cover any issue that might arise. While I have to admit that is an element of the fantasy it sometimes gets a bit tiring, most people don’t live that kind of life. So while I don’t necessarily want to always read about people that are living an average existence money wise it would be nice if that reality was reflected slightly more often.
I hope we have a chance to meet up. I’m with you on the money thing. Now I’m writing about a character who struggles with finances after a life-altering accident, and I’m finding it both fun and frustrating. Writing about people who don’t struggle to pay groceries makes it easier for them to go out on great dates with fantastic food, but a picnic with homemade ham sandwiches can be just as fun to read about. I admit to enjoying stories with characters who have some sort of financial disparity between them. It can be a great source of both external and internal conflict.
[…] going to GRL as a supporting author and have been asked to be a GRL Featured Blogger over at Love Bytes Reviews. I’m there today and they are hosting a giveaway of my backlist of books, winner’s […]
Thank you for the wonderful, brave post. It can be difficult to resist not rewiring yourself at times in relationships and also all kinds of other situations, but I think it is worth it in the long run to remain true to yourself. I, alas, am not going to GRL. But, I hope you have a fabulous time.
I’ve even quit jobs because they didn’t allow me to genuine. That’s one of those deal-breakers for me, especially in a relationship. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
I find that very intelligent people often have a hard time if they want someone of similar intellect. I’m not saying profs and blue-collar men don’t work out IRL, but a lot of intelligent people do want another of their level. I can’t think of one romance that addresses this issue.
That’s very interesting. You may have just planted a plot bunny. 🙂 I think people forget about is that intelligence comes in many forms, but sadly, school/work success are the only measures people care about. Howard Gardner tried to break this with his theory of Multiple Intelligences, but it would be fun to explore in a novel. Thanks for the insightful comment.
Hi Posy I enjoyed your thought provoking post. You are a new to me author and I look forward to reading your books. Thanks for your giveaway.
Thanks for taking the time to comment. It’s great to connect with new people. Enjoy.
I think realism is definitely important. One of the things that turns me off het romance books is the overriding sense that love is only meant for powerful people, or rich people, or extraordinarily beautiful people, or people whose flaws aren’t really flaws (“the heroine is hopeless at relationships because she’s a brilliant businesswoman who’s too busy to date!”)–you get the idea. So, the added vulnerability and believability I’ve found in m/m is a great thing.
I’m with you on that. There are so many real life struggles and flaws to incorporate into plot and characterization that leaning on something contrived simply feels like a waste. The flaws don’t even have to be big, just genuine, like a person who talks too much and gets themselves into trouble for putting their foot in their mouth. That could lead to loss of jobs, friends, loves, which would lead to so many other issues. I’m glad I found this is M/M romance as well.
So glad you and hubby are enjoying your HEA. I’m still looking for mine!
Thanks. I found mine when I wanted nothing to do with love. Odd how that worked out.
I enjoyed your post and so glad you and your husband are doing well. I’ve been wanting to read your North Star trilogy and like the sound of your new book as well. Thanks for a chance at winning one of your stories.
Thanks for taking the time to comment. I hope you enjoy North Star.
Thanks for the excellentpost.
Great post! Just celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary so I know how important communication skills can be. 🙂 Glad you and your hubby worked things out. 🙂 Thanks for the giveaway!
You’re welcome. And congrats on 25 years! I hope you have 25 more.
Sounds great! I wold love to read this author a I never have before.
Hi Posy! Have fun at GRL…….maybe I can get there next year! And I have re-invented myself for people in the past…….it never ends up working out.
I’m going to suck every bit of fun out of GRL, then come home exhausted. 😉 I might need a week to recover.
Great post & giveaway!
Communication is vital. Hope everyone going to GRL has a wonderful time. 🙂
have a great time at GRL!
please count me in
Thank you for sharing. I hope you have fun at GRL =)
Thanks for sharing so much! I wish I could go to GRL this year! Thanks for teh great giveaway!
Great post! Have fun at GRL! Thanks for the chance to win!
Really nice post, Posy! You’ve got my mind thinking all philosophically now, thinking about how there’s always choices, even if some of them are more difficult.
I really enjoyed Spark, and I hope to continue on soon with Fusion and Flare. The upcoming stories have me intrigued, too. Thanks for sharing with us and I’m so glad you’re moving forward the way you need to.
Choices are wonderful things to have, even the hard ones. It’s when we don’t have them that we rebel, even against ourselves. And I’m thrilled you like Spark.
Great post! Your coming books sounds so interesting, I’ll definitely be snatching them up when they releases. ^_^
Thanks. I’m doing a lot of exploration into depression and anxiety lately. I’m glad it’s with characters rather than myself. 🙂
Thank you for an interesting post. I think in most relationship there is a initial period of trying to discern what the other person wants from you and trying to mould or develop to that view yourself and visa versa. Then as you get to know that person you develop and adapt and grow, while some things stay the same. Sometimes the changes requested by a partner are not good, when you are bullied into those changes and you loose confidence in yourself and who you are.
I would love a chance to read some of Posy’s books, so thank you for this giveaway.
I agree, we all tend to bend and lean until we find a good fit, if there is a good fit with that person. Sometimes our partners help us find the better parts of ourselves. Those are the relationships to keep.
Thanks for the great post. I’m sure you will have a blast at GRL. Thanks for a chance to win